Anonymous
11/04/2021 15:54
Subject: Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Anonymous wrote:OP sometimes when my DH gets going I will stop him and say "You are making this much worse. An apology ends with the "I'm sorry". If you add "but I..." to it you may as well NOT SAY ANYTHING"
It's taken him years to understand. And he's generally a good guy. He's much better now, but it's still like he's emotionally damaged and can't ever let the words "I'm sorry" out of his mouth. It's insane to me.
I swear learning to say "I'm sorry I was a jerk" and just leave it at that is a HUGE life skill many people don't learn. I am a jerk to him sometimes, and I try to apologize. Half the time he says "you don't need to apologize" but yes I DO NEED TO. Bc that's what you do when you are a jerk. Try it sometime. AHEM.
Op here, I like this. It's a good idea.
At this moment I just don't have the energy or desire to care anymore. I don't feel sad or bad that we didn't get to spend the morning together.
I just want him to leave on the trip so I can breathe. Feel free, like myself, at ease. I feel drained around him.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 15:52
Subject: Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Anonymous wrote:I can understand where he's coming from. I assume he makes the majority of income for your family? Is his job stressful? Is he able to "stay home" if he's sick? I'm guessing not.
I have a very stressful job. However, I make 400k a year. I can't take days off. I work seven days a week. There are no "holidays" for me.
When someone in my family is sick I sleep in the basement in a guest bedroom. I don't mind at all. Sometimes if my wife feels sick she will sleep in the upstairs guest room. She knows I can't deal with being sick, I have real responsibilities and work.
Grow up.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 15:40
Subject: Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Anonymous wrote:Interesting you're doing a play by play of your argument with your husband. How about growing up and replying to your husband? Say, "Don't worry about it. Have a safe trip. Let's talk when you get back".
The last thing OP should do is tell him not to worry about it. He was a jerk and hasn’t even given a proper apology yet.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 15:38
Subject: Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
OP sometimes when my DH gets going I will stop him and say "You are making this much worse. An apology ends with the "I'm sorry". If you add "but I..." to it you may as well NOT SAY ANYTHING"
It's taken him years to understand. And he's generally a good guy. He's much better now, but it's still like he's emotionally damaged and can't ever let the words "I'm sorry" out of his mouth. It's insane to me.
I swear learning to say "I'm sorry I was a jerk" and just leave it at that is a HUGE life skill many people don't learn. I am a jerk to him sometimes, and I try to apologize. Half the time he says "you don't need to apologize" but yes I DO NEED TO. Bc that's what you do when you are a jerk. Try it sometime. AHEM.
It's taken him years to understand. And he's generally a good guy. He's much better now, but it's still like he's emotionally damaged and can't ever let the words "I'm sorry" out of his mouth. It's insane to me.
I swear learning to say "I'm sorry I was a jerk" and just leave it at that is a HUGE life skill many people don't learn. I am a jerk to him sometimes, and I try to apologize. Half the time he says "you don't need to apologize" but yes I DO NEED TO. Bc that's what you do when you are a jerk. Try it sometime. AHEM.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 15:37
Subject: Re:Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'd have to give him sh for giving me a migraine while taking care of sick toddlers and working. ugh! I'm sorry OP. Hope your day gets better.
My day will get better because every hour is closer to when he leaves for this trip.
Are you going to do anything other than complain? Counseling or leave him? Or are you just going to keep putting up with it for whatever warped reason you've worked out
I am in therapy. If it weren't for the kids I would be gone.
I can't just leave. I wish it were that easy. Trust me.
The thought of half custody, not seeing my kids full time is scarier to me than anything else.
Got it. So you'll just whine and complain and do nothing about it. Great example for your kids
DP. Going to therapy *is* dojo going something. Leaving a long-term relationship like a marriage is a process, not just pressing a button.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 15:34
Subject: Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
This is a beautiful example of BS that makes women not want to sleep with their husbands. They hear this sort of stupid, petulant, critical stuff for years and years. The husband then never acts like a grownup enough to take responsiblilty- they go straight into DARVO mode. And then they don't find their H attractive anymore.
Sexless Marriage Guy this is probably you.
And to the Just Divorce crowd- it's not that simple. I'm luckily not in this situation but friends of mine are and they worry about custody issues or their Hs running off with a new woman and abandoning their kids.
Sexless Marriage Guy this is probably you.
And to the Just Divorce crowd- it's not that simple. I'm luckily not in this situation but friends of mine are and they worry about custody issues or their Hs running off with a new woman and abandoning their kids.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 15:22
Subject: Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
DH needs to rub one out and grow up. He only wanted some "time" with OP this morning until he rubs one out at the hotel later this week. Is he always grump when he's horny?
OP needs to make that chicken soup for herself and definitely use "No soup for you!" on DH both literally and figuratively before he takes off for the trip.
OP needs to make that chicken soup for herself and definitely use "No soup for you!" on DH both literally and figuratively before he takes off for the trip.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 15:07
Subject: Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
OP, start planning your exit. Because he isn’t interested in changing any of his behavior. Honestly look at his choices and tell me he’s going to want 50/50 custody? These kinds of guys want to avoid any responsibilities for anything. He’ll be disneyland dad and you will have a real life where you and your kids can be happy and stable. If you think he won’t be blaming your kids for stupid shit within a few years you are dead wrong.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:58
Subject: Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I can understand where he's coming from. I assume he makes the majority of income for your family? Is his job stressful? Is he able to "stay home" if he's sick? I'm guessing not.
I have a very stressful job. However, I make 400k a year. I can't take days off. I work seven days a week. There are no "holidays" for me.
When someone in my family is sick I sleep in the basement in a guest bedroom. I don't mind at all. Sometimes if my wife feels sick she will sleep in the upstairs guest room. She knows I can't deal with being sick, I have real responsibilities and work.
You know you don’t HAVE to have this life, right?
She enjoys the attention she gets from being a victim. Notice how she uses hot terms like abuse and gaslighting for sympathy.
F you.
Oh I see you're still going with the victim hood. "Wahhh. I know I should leave but I can't. Which poor little me"
Wow, we found OP’s husband! Hello a-hole, you made a mistake, now own up to it.
Try again. I'm female
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:57
Subject: Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Anonymous wrote:One of you should have slept in the spare bedroom.
Also, you should all get tested for covid.
We did test. Negative.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:55
Subject: Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I can understand where he's coming from. I assume he makes the majority of income for your family? Is his job stressful? Is he able to "stay home" if he's sick? I'm guessing not.
I have a very stressful job. However, I make 400k a year. I can't take days off. I work seven days a week. There are no "holidays" for me.
When someone in my family is sick I sleep in the basement in a guest bedroom. I don't mind at all. Sometimes if my wife feels sick she will sleep in the upstairs guest room. She knows I can't deal with being sick, I have real responsibilities and work.
You know you don’t HAVE to have this life, right?
She enjoys the attention she gets from being a victim. Notice how she uses hot terms like abuse and gaslighting for sympathy.
F you.
Oh I see you're still going with the victim hood. "Wahhh. I know I should leave but I can't. Which poor little me"
Wow, we found OP’s husband! Hello a-hole, you made a mistake, now own up to it.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:54
Subject: Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
One of you should have slept in the spare bedroom.
Also, you should all get tested for covid.
Also, you should all get tested for covid.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:53
Subject: Re:Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'd have to give him sh for giving me a migraine while taking care of sick toddlers and working. ugh! I'm sorry OP. Hope your day gets better.
My day will get better because every hour is closer to when he leaves for this trip.
Are you going to do anything other than complain? Counseling or leave him? Or are you just going to keep putting up with it for whatever warped reason you've worked out
oh let a woman vent.
Women like OP drive me nuts with their self induced pathetic behavior
I guess we're not all as perfect as you.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:53
Subject: Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I can understand where he's coming from. I assume he makes the majority of income for your family? Is his job stressful? Is he able to "stay home" if he's sick? I'm guessing not.
I have a very stressful job. However, I make 400k a year. I can't take days off. I work seven days a week. There are no "holidays" for me.
When someone in my family is sick I sleep in the basement in a guest bedroom. I don't mind at all. Sometimes if my wife feels sick she will sleep in the upstairs guest room. She knows I can't deal with being sick, I have real responsibilities and work.
You know you don’t HAVE to have this life, right?
In my heart of hearts I know I should leave. I know this.
I am being open and honest here. I don't have the guts to do it.
The thought of such a change terrifies and paralyzes me.
The thought of splitting custody possibly dealing with a step parent- all of it.
I am being raw and vulnerable in telling you that i KNOW i deserve better, and I should leave. But I am too afraid.
Ignore these other PPs on their high horse OP.
We all have different circumstances and personalities. You are doing the best you can right now.
The one thing to watch for is if your kids are being affected/being treated badly by your DH. If that is the case, I would work with your therapist and/or a trusted close friend to take steps to be ready to leave if you ever decide it is time.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:51
Subject: Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Hopefully he has the guts for a divorce. Sounds like everyone would be better off.