Anonymous
Post 10/29/2021 17:13     Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Anonymous wrote:What's the thought here? You trash his stuff and then...he starts taking the trash to the bin? I don't see how one logically follows the other.

"Oh, silly me! I've been wrong this whole time! Thank you for bringing this to my attention in such a reasonable way. I shall now correct my behavior in a manner suitable to you"

His crazy is the logical follow-up to your crazy. Neither crazy thing solves the problem of the trash in the bin.


Here’s the thought: don’t have any kids w the ManChild.
Start spending time with non ManChilds
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2021 17:11     Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Anonymous wrote:Woah. Terrible. I’d leave the mess for him to take care of but what you did is insane.


Yeah right. You think someone too dumb and lazy to prevent a nasty mess is going to clean it up!? Hahahahahah-.
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2021 17:10     Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Anonymous wrote:Do you like your husband? Do you want him to like you, too?


Well he doesn’t seem to like or respect her or his house or his yard.
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2021 17:08     Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why not just make taking out trash your thing and ask DH to unload dishwasher for example (or any such household chore) instead?

There's ways to de-escalate situations and choose battles Op.


This. You seem to care more than him, so why don't you take care of it?


because husbands like this leave it all for their wives to do. They care about nothing. ask me how I know.


Guys like this won’t don anything. You’ll have nests and burrows of raccoons, rats and pests and he’ll still not care. And if a neighbor tells him to do something he’ll do a rudimentary google search and pay $500 to pest control. And continue to not put the trash bag in the bin.

It’s called oppositional and mind blindness
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2021 17:07     Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Anonymous wrote:Awesome. Vote for awesome.


Agree.

In college our one male roommate would never do his dishes. So we took all the dirty ones and put them on his pillow. Problem solved.

My husband keeps leaving wet towels in the bed. The next one is getting moved to his pillow.
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2021 17:06     Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Anonymous wrote:Husband routinely sits full trash bag on back porch and always forgets (or too lazy) to move it to the can in the alley.

Every time I see him empyting the can (same amout as me) I say "Please put that all the way in the outside can, I'm not cleaning up another mess."

He replies, annoyed, with "Yeah, yeah, yeah."

He never does and the animals rip it open if I don't do it for him.

So, it happend again. So I used his favorit fleece jacket to mop up all the nasty filth. And I left it laying in the spot where he left the trash.

What say you?


That’s fine.

My lazy husband doesn’t clean up his shaving whiskers all over the bathroom sink and counter. Somehow his open blob toothpaste and brush get used to clean it up….
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2021 17:00     Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Go do AITA on reddit and I promise you you will find out
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2021 16:58     Subject: Re:Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Psycho. And that's the 'aggressive' in passive-aggressive.

I think you are crossing the line and the two of you could use some serious couples therapy---gottman-style.
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2021 16:49     Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:First time: “Hey, you forgot to move the bag and animals got into the trash. I cleaned it up, but please remember next time.”

Next time it looks like he’s going to forget: “Hey, you forgot last time and I had to clean it up and it was disgusting. Can you please do it now?”

Second time you have to clean up: “Larlo, you forgot to take the trash to the bin again, it’s not fair to make me clean up that horrible mess.”

Honestly I’d leave the mess for him to clean up unless it’s actively dangerous (like chicken bones and you have a dog). If you have to do it, you say “Larlo, you keep forgetting and the animals make a huge mess that I have to clean up so the dogs don’t get hurt. I’m really frustrated. Something needs to happen differently.”


NP - I get this approach except the trash will attract rats and vermin and it's completely unsanitary. Plus what if they have guests??? Trash all over the deck is one of those things that needs to be cleaned up ASAP. Her husband sucks.


So why can't OP take over the garbage disposal job and trade a chore she hates with her husband. He does not want to do this chore and it's turned into stupid work for both of them. How freaking hard is it for OP to take thie one over - and give her husband the chore of loading the dishwasher or whatever.


I get what you're saying PP (and I am none of the above posters in this chain) but I think this takes it too far. I think spouses should work together towards equitable distribution of work but sometimes there is a spouse who will not hold up their end of the bargain. And this presents a very difficult situation for the other partner.

I don't think OP should roll over and accept this. But she is of course missing a wide variety of choices that are substantially less psychopathic than destroying belongings he cares about.


To me it's overly rigid to insist that he keep doing a chore that he obviously hates and is also making OP's life more frustrating. Maybe we just have a lucky setup but garbage is simply not this dramatic - you take the bag out and put it in the can. If OP finds the chore to be equally easy, I would really recommend she take it over and save herself this idiotic maddening battle. I don't know what she can extract from DH so it's not just her taking on more labor and him lazy-ing himself into an even easier ride but surely there is SOMETHING.


Of course it is. But without a full picture of how they deal with chores overall, it is impossible determine if OP is overly rigid or if OP is just at the end of her rope after a pattern of this. In either scenario, I think what she did was terrible, but if it is #2, then honestly OP, divorce.

If this one chore is an anomaly and you have an otherwise harmonious relationship than yes, for sure, just take on that chore and give him another in exchange.
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2021 16:48     Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
You guys have issues.
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2021 16:47     Subject: Re:Am I Awesome or Terrible?
He is going to be cheating on her in 5…4…3…2.
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2021 16:46     Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:First time: “Hey, you forgot to move the bag and animals got into the trash. I cleaned it up, but please remember next time.”

Next time it looks like he’s going to forget: “Hey, you forgot last time and I had to clean it up and it was disgusting. Can you please do it now?”

Second time you have to clean up: “Larlo, you forgot to take the trash to the bin again, it’s not fair to make me clean up that horrible mess.”

Honestly I’d leave the mess for him to clean up unless it’s actively dangerous (like chicken bones and you have a dog). If you have to do it, you say “Larlo, you keep forgetting and the animals make a huge mess that I have to clean up so the dogs don’t get hurt. I’m really frustrated. Something needs to happen differently.”


NP - I get this approach except the trash will attract rats and vermin and it's completely unsanitary. Plus what if they have guests??? Trash all over the deck is one of those things that needs to be cleaned up ASAP. Her husband sucks.


So why can't OP take over the garbage disposal job and trade a chore she hates with her husband. He does not want to do this chore and it's turned into stupid work for both of them. How freaking hard is it for OP to take thie one over - and give her husband the chore of loading the dishwasher or whatever.


I get what you're saying PP (and I am none of the above posters in this chain) but I think this takes it too far. I think spouses should work together towards equitable distribution of work but sometimes there is a spouse who will not hold up their end of the bargain. And this presents a very difficult situation for the other partner.

I don't think OP should roll over and accept this. But she is of course missing a wide variety of choices that are substantially less psychopathic than destroying belongings he cares about.


To me it's overly rigid to insist that he keep doing a chore that he obviously hates and is also making OP's life more frustrating. Maybe we just have a lucky setup but garbage is simply not this dramatic - you take the bag out and put it in the can. If OP finds the chore to be equally easy, I would really recommend she take it over and save herself this idiotic maddening battle. I don't know what she can extract from DH so it's not just her taking on more labor and him lazy-ing himself into an even easier ride but surely there is SOMETHING.
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2021 16:45     Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:First time: “Hey, you forgot to move the bag and animals got into the trash. I cleaned it up, but please remember next time.”

Next time it looks like he’s going to forget: “Hey, you forgot last time and I had to clean it up and it was disgusting. Can you please do it now?”

Second time you have to clean up: “Larlo, you forgot to take the trash to the bin again, it’s not fair to make me clean up that horrible mess.”

Honestly I’d leave the mess for him to clean up unless it’s actively dangerous (like chicken bones and you have a dog). If you have to do it, you say “Larlo, you keep forgetting and the animals make a huge mess that I have to clean up so the dogs don’t get hurt. I’m really frustrated. Something needs to happen differently.”


NP - I get this approach except the trash will attract rats and vermin and it's completely unsanitary. Plus what if they have guests??? Trash all over the deck is one of those things that needs to be cleaned up ASAP. Her husband sucks.


So why can't OP take over the garbage disposal job and trade a chore she hates with her husband. He does not want to do this chore and it's turned into stupid work for both of them. How freaking hard is it for OP to take thie one over - and give her husband the chore of loading the dishwasher or whatever.


I would guess he's probably as good at the other chores as he is at taking out the trash. It's likely a problem with everything. OP -- Does he do other chores and complete them?


If that's the case then I don't know how you live with this. He's not suddenly going to become a new person. You either live with more mess or you take on more of the cleaning or you hire more help. I hope he brings other things to the table if he's not an equal partner in keeping the home.
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2021 16:42     Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why not just make taking out trash your thing and ask DH to unload dishwasher for example (or any such household chore) instead?

There's ways to de-escalate situations and choose battles Op.


This. You seem to care more than him, so why don't you take care of it?


because husbands like this leave it all for their wives to do. They care about nothing. ask me how I know.
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2021 16:40     Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:First time: “Hey, you forgot to move the bag and animals got into the trash. I cleaned it up, but please remember next time.”

Next time it looks like he’s going to forget: “Hey, you forgot last time and I had to clean it up and it was disgusting. Can you please do it now?”

Second time you have to clean up: “Larlo, you forgot to take the trash to the bin again, it’s not fair to make me clean up that horrible mess.”

Honestly I’d leave the mess for him to clean up unless it’s actively dangerous (like chicken bones and you have a dog). If you have to do it, you say “Larlo, you keep forgetting and the animals make a huge mess that I have to clean up so the dogs don’t get hurt. I’m really frustrated. Something needs to happen differently.”


NP - I get this approach except the trash will attract rats and vermin and it's completely unsanitary. Plus what if they have guests??? Trash all over the deck is one of those things that needs to be cleaned up ASAP. Her husband sucks.


So why can't OP take over the garbage disposal job and trade a chore she hates with her husband. He does not want to do this chore and it's turned into stupid work for both of them. How freaking hard is it for OP to take thie one over - and give her husband the chore of loading the dishwasher or whatever.


I get what you're saying PP (and I am none of the above posters in this chain) but I think this takes it too far. I think spouses should work together towards equitable distribution of work but sometimes there is a spouse who will not hold up their end of the bargain. And this presents a very difficult situation for the other partner.

I don't think OP should roll over and accept this. But she is of course missing a wide variety of choices that are substantially less psychopathic than destroying belongings he cares about.