Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course. Mental illness is a disease like any other. But making a life with a sick person is harder than making a life with a healthy person.

If only not being in therapy was a sign that someone wasn’t mentally ill…

Anonymous wrote:I find this thread amusing. I started to see a therapist a few weeks ago because DD just turned 18 and went off to college. The therapist is a mom, about 10 years older than I am, and is providing great advice on navigating this new era in my relationship with my now young adult daughter. Balancing giving her more space while being there to support her. Sounds like OP might be able to benefit from this type of therapy when it comes to navigating appropriate boundaries with her 30 something year old brother lol.

Love this 😂

Anonymous wrote:Why is your brother sharing personal information about his girlfriend with you? It's not your business.

I think that the red flag here is this, and also the fact that you and your husband are making her therapy your business.

She should run.

Nah, you watch out for the ones who have never been in therapy.

As a therapist, some of these responses are very concerning. It's hard to believe there are still so many people out there who carry such a stigma about therapy. Maybe therapists have not done a very good job educating the general public on what therapy is and isn't.

I think it's an orange flag. Be cautious. Keep your eyes open. But it isn't a dealbreaker. She's in therapy, for goodness sake! She knows enough to know she needs it and is working on it!!!

Why is your brother sharing personal information about his girlfriend with you? It's not your business.

I find this thread amusing. I started to see a therapist a few weeks ago because DD just turned 18 and went off to college. The therapist is a mom, about 10 years older than I am, and is providing great advice on navigating this new era in my relationship with my now young adult daughter. Balancing giving her more space while being there to support her. Sounds like OP might be able to benefit from this type of therapy when it comes to navigating appropriate boundaries with her 30 something year old brother lol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The red flag isn't therapy, to me as someone who has been to therapy and recommended it. IF I were your brother I'd be concerned she's not in a stable enough place for a relationship and be able to be a partner.


But another red flag is a busybody sister and BIL.

Seriously.

He wants to bring her to our house for the holidays. It isn’t like we are trying to hang out with them. I couldn’t care less who he has flings with. I care who will become family.

Even if they get married, her therapy is none of your business. You sound like you don't respect boundaries and probably need to see a therapist yourself.

Being in therapy and on meds would be an absolute non-issue to me. The part that concerns me is that she is already talking about working through her feelings about them with the therapist after a few dates.

I would slam on the brakes if she starts bringing her therapist up as the third wheel in the relationship. Hard no to that. So….not a red flag but a “hmm, keep an eye on that…”

It really is amazing how many seemingly intelligent people tend to be so willfully uneducated and ignorant on even the most basic health issues.

At least your brother's GF is taking care of her mental health. Apparently, a lof of posters here should do that too, but they are too afraid that it would raise red flags so they choose to sweep it under the rug and pretend they dont have issues.

Good lord, the stigma on this thread. You'd never say, is it a red flag if someone has diabetes? Or IBS? Or wears glasses? Or has hypertension?

Plenty of people see a therapist and take meds and are highly functioning. Now, it's a bigger proposition and worth considering if someone has a serious mental illness (typically considered schizophrenia/schizoaffective or bipolar disorder), but therapy and meds? Good grief, people.

Anonymous wrote:'In fact, I think a divorced person who has not done at least some therapy before dating again is a potential red flag depending on circumstances."

I agree. In fact, I would hesitate to date someone who hadn't gone to therapy post-divorce unless there was a really good reason, such as the ability to process with a close friend or clergy.

I’ve found the like to say their check-the-box couples therapy on the way to divorce is what they refer to as therapy for themselves. Furthermore their take always were that their ex wives needed the therapy, not them. They bite on to bits and pieces that make them feel better about themselves.

I think the biggest thing to consider is if your brother is happy.

If he’s happy and just mentioned she does therapy, MYOB.

If he’s saying that he’s exhausted from managing this relationship, or that gf is flipping out on him, or it’s nothing but work, or that he’s otherwise unhappy, you can say something once about how he doesn’t have to be in a relationship that doesn’t serve him. But make it about his happiness, not about your bias against therapy. Then shut up. It’s not gonna end well if you keep nagging him about letting someone in therapy into the family.

'In fact, I think a divorced person who has not done at least some therapy before dating again is a potential red flag depending on circumstances."

I agree. In fact, I would hesitate to date someone who hadn't gone to therapy post-divorce unless there was a really good reason, such as the ability to process with a close friend or clergy.