Anonymous wrote:I do care but I cheat. I just want to have sex more than once per month so I find other people to have sex with. If she wanted more sex than I was willing to give her I would assume she would cheat as well.

If you do care, why cheat instead of divorcing. This is the question that's never fully answered. Honestly, it just comes back to being self-centered person.

European here. Affairs happen, it’s not the death sentence.

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Anonymous wrote:I am in a sexless marriage and I would much MUCH rather be cheated on. This is far worse abandonment than if my spouse had sex with someone else.

I was not in a sexless, far from it! So cheating was not okay. I was blind sided by it.

Same. He was having a lot more sex with me than her each month (me 14 to her 2 times), but that does not make it okay. It’s gross and violating.

I feel it’s worse. If you aren’t having sex you aren’t being exposed to STIs and someone rando’s microbiome (read about that and cancers and disease). If they are still having sex with you and someone else that is putting you at risk without your consent.

I do care but I cheat. I just want to have sex more than once per month so I find other people to have sex with. If she wanted more sex than I was willing to give her I would assume she would cheat as well.

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Anonymous wrote:I am in a sexless marriage and I would much MUCH rather be cheated on. This is far worse abandonment than if my spouse had sex with someone else.

I was not in a sexless, far from it! So cheating was not okay. I was blind sided by it.

Same. He was having a lot more sex with me than her each month (me 14 to her 2 times), but that does not make it okay. It’s gross and violating.

Anonymous wrote:We're both European and lived there many years before moving here. It's pretty common in our culture for both men and women to have APs. Depending on the couple, it's either tolerated by looking the other way or more openly accepted.

For us, we've got two small kids and busy jobs, so neither of us has the time for that even if we did want to!

NB: just your culture not all European cultures. Thank God.

Anonymous wrote:I am in a sexless marriage and I would much MUCH rather be cheated on. This is far worse abandonment than if my spouse had sex with someone else.

I was not in a sexless, far from it! So cheating was not okay. I was blind sided by it.

^ and if like Bruce Jenner he decided to turn into a woman, I would divorce. It does not mean I am anti-trans. It is not what I married.

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Anonymous wrote:Op, are you okay if your H is having sex with men?

Not OP, but anal sex carries more risk for disease transmission because of the higher likelihood of micro tearing/blood. I’d take issue with this whether it was with a man or woman

How about if it was the occasional random oral hookup at the gym with another married guy, no anal involved?

If my husband had gay sex. It’s over. I married a heterosexual. So yeah a guy having sex with guys—no way in hell.

Somebody's a homophobe.

Hardly. Just a straight woman who would not her husband getting blown by/having sex with a man, or a woman. I’m not in an open marriage. I am n a heterosexual monogamous marriage. That’s what we agreed upon, took our vows, etc.

If he changed the script or his sexuality, I’d be out.

Nice but failed attempt to rehabilitate yourself. But that's not what you said. Homophobe.

I’m straight and would freak out to find out my HUSBAND was having gay sex. Not only would it mean he was cheating, but he may be fully in the closet. That has a lot more baggage and complications than if he were cheating with a woman. Every man I know that married a woman left for a man over time.

I am in a sexless marriage and I would much MUCH rather be cheated on. This is far worse abandonment than if my spouse had sex with someone else.

Clearly, you do care, OP which is why you have 3 threads going. You care that your DH has gone back to his AP. But you spent your life believing this couldn't happen to you or that you had a different kind of marriage and whatever psycho-babble you learned in school to become a therapist, and now you realize the nonsense you have been telling your clients for years may not be true, but you are still trying to convince yourself that it is, and you need everyone else to believe it with you.

DH here and yes, I have same attitude as OP. Wife does as well. It’s just not that important to me… people like sex, and like it with new people. As long as the other spouse isn’t made to feel embarrassed like where everyone knows but him/her or where the AP/fling is someone you know, I honestly don’t much care.

We're both European and lived there many years before moving here. It's pretty common in our culture for both men and women to have APs. Depending on the couple, it's either tolerated by looking the other way or more openly accepted.

For us, we've got two small kids and busy jobs, so neither of us has the time for that even if we did want to!

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Anonymous wrote:Op, are you okay if your H is having sex with men?

Not OP, but anal sex carries more risk for disease transmission because of the higher likelihood of micro tearing/blood. I’d take issue with this whether it was with a man or woman

How about if it was the occasional random oral hookup at the gym with another married guy, no anal involved?

If my husband had gay sex. It’s over. I married a heterosexual. So yeah a guy having sex with guys—no way in hell.

Somebody's a homophobe.

Hardly. Just a straight woman who would not her husband getting blown by/having sex with a man, or a woman. I’m not in an open marriage. I am n a heterosexual monogamous marriage. That’s what we agreed upon, took our vows, etc.

If he changed the script or his sexuality, I’d be out.

Nice but failed attempt to rehabilitate yourself. But that's not what you said. Homophobe.

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Anonymous wrote:Op, are you okay if your H is having sex with men?

Not OP, but anal sex carries more risk for disease transmission because of the higher likelihood of micro tearing/blood. I’d take issue with this whether it was with a man or woman

How about if it was the occasional random oral hookup at the gym with another married guy, no anal involved?

If my husband had gay sex. It’s over. I married a heterosexual. So yeah a guy having sex with guys—no way in hell.

Somebody's a homophobe.

Hardly. Just a straight woman who would not her husband getting blown by/having sex with a man, or a woman. I’m not in an open marriage. I am n a heterosexual monogamous marriage. That’s what we agreed upon, took our vows, etc.

If he changed the script or his sexuality, I’d be out.