Anonymous
Post 09/21/2021 16:42     Subject: Re:If you have a popular kid?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised no one has mentioned the moms’ social standing yet (or maybe I missed it). Because that was probably the #1 determinant in my kids’ elementary school. At least among the girls, not so much with boys. The dominant social clique of moms very much drove the popular girl crowd. It’s much less prevalent in middle school, but there are still a handful of kids hanging on to popular status by virtue of who their parents hang out with. (This is in a public school. I imagine it might be more pronounced in an exclusive private.)


Really? When I think back to the "popular" girls from middle and high school, their moms were very average at best. In fact, the girl I recall being the prettiest in high school had an obese and unattractive mother. Father was thin, but unattractive too. I remember thinking how in the world did she result from them. But anyway, no ones parents ever mattered at all in terms of popularity...back in the 90s/2000s


I think in elementary school it happens and then that can carry over into HS. My mom was friends with the other moms and they would have us all get together for sleepovers, trick or treating, etc..

Those mom-based friendships got established before anyone was popular or not, but they carried over to some extent into middle and high school.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2021 16:27     Subject: If you have a popular kid?
Anonymous wrote:If your kid is ‘popular’ at school and with other kids, what do you think makes them popular? What are their personality traits like? What can attribute their popularity to? What characteristics about your kid do you think make them attract other kids easily?


My kid is smart, funny, friendly and something I think is important that I'm not - easy-going. She doesn't get all bent out of shape at a slight. If someone's mean to her, she doesn't cry and feel her life is over and she was humiliated, she says "wow, you're not usually so mean; are you okay?!" She intrinsically believes it's THAT person's problem if they're mean. She's also good at defusing a tense or embarrassing situation. If everyone is standing around and one kid asks another "Why are your pants so short? I can see the tops of your socks!" my DD will say "Look what I can do to my pants" and yank the waistband up high or something to get kids laughing and focused on her.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2021 14:57     Subject: If you have a popular kid?
Of my three kids, I have one (age 6), who I notice kids gravitate toward. He is a wonderful child and super friendly and inclusive...most of the time. But I honestly think it is his overall indifference and "hard-to-get-ness" that draws in the other kids.

My middle (9) has an easy sense of humor, and is also very well-liked, but prefers small groups. Definitely happy most of the time, with no shortage of friends.

My eldest (11), on the other hand, almost works too hard, and it really breaks my heart when she feels left out or rebuffed by the other kids in her class. Her sense of humor is just...off sometimes, and I think she tries to be too much like the other kids that she thinks are popular.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 22:01     Subject: Re:If you have a popular kid?
Mine is not popular based on current definition probably....not the center of attention or most likely to get asked to parties during hs (now in college). But he was well liked by most people and adults.
He has a calm sense of self-like. He never cared (still doesn't) about what was popular, what way to dress, what to do. He was himself and easy to get along with. I don't know where he got it from as I always needed to know that people liked me or what they thought. He has an innate "I am me" that people are drawn to.

Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 21:56     Subject: If you have a popular kid?
My kid is only 8, but he’s the type that other kids are attracted to, and it’s always been that way. He actually does not have a very high EQ, and is often sort of oblivious, but I think the characteristic that makes him well liked is that he’s interested in things other kids say, asks a lot of questions and laughs very easily at jokes etc. My friend describes him as the ultimate hype man. He thinks everything you say is hilarious and is up for anything. He also completely lacks a competitive spirit, which is lucky because he was not blessed athletically. He loves to run races with his friends and then tell everyone how fast the friend is. He’s a nice kid but it’s not this high EQ effort at kindness that others describe, but more a love of people, friends and fun.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 12:53     Subject: Re:If you have a popular kid?
Anonymous wrote:She has great E.Q. and is very funny, social. “Everyone” knows her - cafeteria ladies, teachers (even some who have never taught her), coaches, other parents, etc... “Oh, you are X mom?”

She is a joker/playful and a great listener. She is so different from me. I was the kid who never really had many friends, entirely forgetful and introverted. I was fine with it btw.... My daughter thrives in this and I think she will do great in life.


My other child otoh... I have to teach her social skills.


Given other replied, I just want to add that I don't have ANY social standing in our community. I'm an immigrant and still an introvert. I have no friends here and aside exchanging common pleasantries, I don't mingle with my neighboors or classmates' parents. Their kids are always here though, the doorbell doesn't stop. I'm very good with kids and laid back, so I guess they feel at home here?
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 12:52     Subject: Re:If you have a popular kid?
Anonymous wrote:She is very easy going and funny. Boys and girls alike have always liked her because she's kind to everyone and up for anything (i.e. she's not bossy about what to do, she'll join in a game others are playing). She's also very pretty, although she's always been popular and I'm not sure if five-year olds are drawn to good looks?

This may sound obnoxious but I attribute it to the genes she got from me. I have always been popular - liked even by people I don't like. I'm outgoing and friendly, I don't start arguments, I don't drink a lot so I'm never embarrassingly drunk or saying stupid/annoying things, I ask people questions about themselves and I take genuine interest in how they are doing, I am a gracious hostess and always try to make people feel comfortable. However, I don't do anything that makes me feel like I'm not being true to myself, if that makes sense. I think my daughter is the same - she doesn't try to be popular, she just is.


and your are oh so humble to boot!
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 12:44     Subject: Re:If you have a popular kid?
She has great E.Q. and is very funny, social. “Everyone” knows her - cafeteria ladies, teachers (even some who have never taught her), coaches, other parents, etc... “Oh, you are X mom?”

She is a joker/playful and a great listener. She is so different from me. I was the kid who never really had many friends, entirely forgetful and introverted. I was fine with it btw.... My daughter thrives in this and I think she will do great in life.


My other child otoh... I have to teach her social skills.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 10:47     Subject: Re:If you have a popular kid?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised no one has mentioned the moms’ social standing yet (or maybe I missed it). Because that was probably the #1 determinant in my kids’ elementary school. At least among the girls, not so much with boys. The dominant social clique of moms very much drove the popular girl crowd. It’s much less prevalent in middle school, but there are still a handful of kids hanging on to popular status by virtue of who their parents hang out with. (This is in a public school. I imagine it might be more pronounced in an exclusive private.)


Really? When I think back to the "popular" girls from middle and high school, their moms were very average at best. In fact, the girl I recall being the prettiest in high school had an obese and unattractive mother. Father was thin, but unattractive too. I remember thinking how in the world did she result from them. But anyway, no ones parents ever mattered at all in terms of popularity...back in the 90s/2000s


PP here and I live in a smaller city where it’s a bit of a fishbowl and everybody knows everybody. Maybe that’s part of it. I grew up in a suburb of NoVa in the 90s where the social network was much more diffused and this wasn’t as much of a thing. Also, much more of a thing in elementary, when parents can exert a little more control, than MS/HS.


DP. This is how it was when I grew up. Popularity was passed down in our small town.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 09:47     Subject: Re:If you have a popular kid?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised no one has mentioned the moms’ social standing yet (or maybe I missed it). Because that was probably the #1 determinant in my kids’ elementary school. At least among the girls, not so much with boys. The dominant social clique of moms very much drove the popular girl crowd. It’s much less prevalent in middle school, but there are still a handful of kids hanging on to popular status by virtue of who their parents hang out with. (This is in a public school. I imagine it might be more pronounced in an exclusive private.)


Really? When I think back to the "popular" girls from middle and high school, their moms were very average at best. In fact, the girl I recall being the prettiest in high school had an obese and unattractive mother. Father was thin, but unattractive too. I remember thinking how in the world did she result from them. But anyway, no ones parents ever mattered at all in terms of popularity...back in the 90s/2000s


PP here and I live in a smaller city where it’s a bit of a fishbowl and everybody knows everybody. Maybe that’s part of it. I grew up in a suburb of NoVa in the 90s where the social network was much more diffused and this wasn’t as much of a thing. Also, much more of a thing in elementary, when parents can exert a little more control, than MS/HS.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 09:13     Subject: Re:If you have a popular kid?
Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised no one has mentioned the moms’ social standing yet (or maybe I missed it). Because that was probably the #1 determinant in my kids’ elementary school. At least among the girls, not so much with boys. The dominant social clique of moms very much drove the popular girl crowd. It’s much less prevalent in middle school, but there are still a handful of kids hanging on to popular status by virtue of who their parents hang out with. (This is in a public school. I imagine it might be more pronounced in an exclusive private.)


This doesn’t explain why only one of my three (same school) is “popular”.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 09:08     Subject: Re:If you have a popular kid?
Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised no one has mentioned the moms’ social standing yet (or maybe I missed it). Because that was probably the #1 determinant in my kids’ elementary school. At least among the girls, not so much with boys. The dominant social clique of moms very much drove the popular girl crowd. It’s much less prevalent in middle school, but there are still a handful of kids hanging on to popular status by virtue of who their parents hang out with. (This is in a public school. I imagine it might be more pronounced in an exclusive private.)


Really? When I think back to the "popular" girls from middle and high school, their moms were very average at best. In fact, the girl I recall being the prettiest in high school had an obese and unattractive mother. Father was thin, but unattractive too. I remember thinking how in the world did she result from them. But anyway, no ones parents ever mattered at all in terms of popularity...back in the 90s/2000s
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 08:48     Subject: Re:If you have a popular kid?
I’m surprised no one has mentioned the moms’ social standing yet (or maybe I missed it). Because that was probably the #1 determinant in my kids’ elementary school. At least among the girls, not so much with boys. The dominant social clique of moms very much drove the popular girl crowd. It’s much less prevalent in middle school, but there are still a handful of kids hanging on to popular status by virtue of who their parents hang out with. (This is in a public school. I imagine it might be more pronounced in an exclusive private.)
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 08:42     Subject: If you have a popular kid?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lol you are going to get very distorted answers here.


You were correct. Many distorted answers here.


Actually I disagree. Sounds like everyone is saying the same thing… attractive, enough intelligence to have a good sense of humor, and CONFIDENCE.


The bolded is the meat of it with the other 2 as condiments on top. Without the meat, you just don't have a meal.
Maybe loving parents of popular kids know the subtle details that make up their kids' personalities and think those fine details are what attract other kids. Really children on the whole are much more straightforward.


Come off it. There are plenty of plain if athletic girls in the popular cliques.


+1
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 08:05     Subject: If you have a popular kid?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lol you are going to get very distorted answers here.


You were correct. Many distorted answers here.


Actually I disagree. Sounds like everyone is saying the same thing… attractive, enough intelligence to have a good sense of humor, and CONFIDENCE.


The bolded is the meat of it with the other 2 as condiments on top. Without the meat, you just don't have a meal.
Maybe loving parents of popular kids know the subtle details that make up their kids' personalities and think those fine details are what attract other kids. Really children on the whole are much more straightforward.


Come off it. There are plenty of plain if athletic girls in the popular cliques.