Op, yes of course many of us deal with a spouse with different spending habits, you are not alone, that's for sure. Neither me or my spouse overspend drastically but like in your case, what we spend on in discretionary spending are different things. He will spend on good wine, cigars, coffee, hobbies, etc. I don't spend on any of those things and the wine and cigars used to really bug me. But then I thought about it and realized, the guy works his ass off, it's his money too and these are his pleasures. We can have different interests as long as we stay on track with broader goals. If she is using what she bought and you benefit from the great meals and new supplies...try to let it go. Try to pick your battles and listen to her perspective.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you had old appliances and she choose to buy new ones? How is this an issue or complaint?

8k worth of appliances? I think OP isn’t talking about stove or microwave.

A basic range is $1K, anything better is $2-4K. Fridge is $1500-3K. Plus, dishwasher, microwave, and installation.

OP here. It was not appliances. She upgraded everything like cookware, dishes, glasses, silverware, baking dishes, etc. She got everything in stainless steel and glass. She bought big items like blender, food processor, instant pot, etc. We didn’t have any of those appliances and a lot of our cookware and dishes were old. She has been taking cooking classes and has started getting into cooking.

We didn’t upgrade any of the house appliances like microwave, oven, or dishwasher because they are brand new. We did buy a new refrigerator.

I think this is a troll. He has posted about this before. Come on-an instant pot is like $90.

Agree. Plus it sounds like a woman

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you had old appliances and she choose to buy new ones? How is this an issue or complaint?

8k worth of appliances? I think OP isn’t talking about stove or microwave.

A basic range is $1K, anything better is $2-4K. Fridge is $1500-3K. Plus, dishwasher, microwave, and installation.

OP here. It was not appliances. She upgraded everything like cookware, dishes, glasses, silverware, baking dishes, etc. She got everything in stainless steel and glass. She bought big items like blender, food processor, instant pot, etc. We didn’t have any of those appliances and a lot of our cookware and dishes were old. She has been taking cooking classes and has started getting into cooking.

We didn’t upgrade any of the house appliances like microwave, oven, or dishwasher because they are brand new. We did buy a new refrigerator.

I think this is a troll. He has posted about this before. Come on-an instant pot is like $90.

DW (not the OP's) and the spender in the partnership.

I buy everything. My DH happily states that he buys nothing. But what that means is I buy everything for the entire house, him included - his work pants are wearing out, I get him to new ones (not right away, I wait until he expresses that they are wearing out and he should get new ones which is probably way past the point of being replaced). I buy all the grocery items, I cook so I decide what household appliances I need (and at our current income, which ones I want to splurge on). I do 70% of the kid activity sign ups and payments, make sure they have the right supplies, etc.

I don't mind, it's how we have divided labor. He has a lot of responsibilities for the family that I don't want. Mine just tend to involve spending our money and his do not.

It took him a long time to be able to spend any money on himself just because he wanted it and we could afford it and it would bring him joy but he does now so I do it a little less for him.

Together, we spend less than we can afford to, are saving tons of money, and are generally on the same page financially. That said, I wouldn't spend more than $1k at a time without at least telling him that I was and why, even knowing he'd be fine with it. It's not a frictionless arrangement but it is what works for us most of the time.

A note for OP, she's going to spend way too much on your first baby. Yes, you will end up with a themed nursery. It's fine. It happens to all of us - you get wrapped up in the best for your kid even if some of it ends up being a waste. You'll spend even more at 2am when that baby won't sleep.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll marry you and not spend your money on dumb shit. I would not be okay with this because we’d need to be on the same page. We spend a lot and I mean a lot of money on art and furniture and we always agree and consult with each other. Ugh If you have kids is she going to have a 50K nursery?

She always has the PBK set she wants picked out.

OP here. We are trying for a baby and have been looking at these things together. All of our friends warned us against PBK because they said the quality is very cheap. She really likes the Babyletto cribs her friends have.

OP here. We also both agree that doing a theme nursery for a baby is a waste of money.

Unless the theme is “expensive.” She will want that theme, I promise.

A theme dies not usually create the expense. Butterfly sheets vs solids are not where you are spending extra. It is the crib and all the baby equipment ...stroller carseat nigh chair

I think that poster meant that “expensive” would be the theme, not that it costs a lot of money to have a theme. Rather expensive theme= whatever you buy for the nursery/baby will cost a lot more than baby/nursery items should so in the end you’ll have a theme but it won’t be animals or rainbows or baseball or whatever…itll be a $$$ crib, a $$$ glider, etc.

Of the same type…we joked that my baby’s nursery’s theme was “IKEA”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you had old appliances and she choose to buy new ones? How is this an issue or complaint?

8k worth of appliances? I think OP isn’t talking about stove or microwave.

A basic range is $1K, anything better is $2-4K. Fridge is $1500-3K. Plus, dishwasher, microwave, and installation.

OP here. It was not appliances. She upgraded everything like cookware, dishes, glasses, silverware, baking dishes, etc. She got everything in stainless steel and glass. She bought big items like blender, food processor, instant pot, etc. We didn’t have any of those appliances and a lot of our cookware and dishes were old. She has been taking cooking classes and has started getting into cooking.

We didn’t upgrade any of the house appliances like microwave, oven, or dishwasher because they are brand new. We did buy a new refrigerator.

Troll

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, was this on appliances or kitchenware? Honestly, $8K is pretty normal for appliances. A good double door fridge would cost $2500.

He already said no. It was on dishes, silverware, cookware, blender. Not really sure how you would blow through 8k on that. Maybe she bought a sterling set.

If she bought stainless steel, she probably bought All Clad. That brand is super expensive and adds up.

I have an all clad set. It is was around $700. Expensive yes, but not thousands of dollars. Did she buy a huge copper set made in France?

OP here. She bought everything from Crate & Barrel.

- New cookware that I think is Clad Ware or something for like $1500. She bought a roasting pan, bakeware set, and stainless steel spatulas and those other claw things from the same company.
- All new food storage is Pyrex glass. Lots of them.
- All new dishes, drinks, silverware, etc.
- New blender, food processor, kitchen aid mixer, etc.
- New wine glasses

Most brands are that clad ware, la creusest, and kitchen aid.

We didn’t have many of the things she bought because we never cooked. We ate out for almost meal or got something that was quick and easy. She has been taking cooking lessons online and has started cooking. She bought a bunch of things for the house that we didn’t have and that she felt she would need.

Here’s what’s bothering me about your post, OP. Buying necessary household items is actually a chore. I spent the time and effort researching and buying a blender, set of pans, etc because they were needed by the household. Not needed by *me.* This spending is more like her buying paper towels and toilet paper than it is like her splurging on high-end jeans. If she’s the only one spending money on maintaining household needs, it just means you didn’t do your part in maintaining the needs of the household.

It does sound like she spent more than a more frugal person would have to outfit your home, but if you wanted to shop frugally for dishware you should have stepped up and handled it.

+1.

I do nearly all of the spending in our house because I manage the household. I buy food and clothes and furniture and sign kids up for activities and get the carpet cleaned and the piano tuned. If you are unhappy with how much she is spending then you should have a conversation about it, but otherwise, just be glad that she is willing to take it on.
I would be kind of resentful if DH referred to me as the “spender,” and himself as the “saver.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, was this on appliances or kitchenware? Honestly, $8K is pretty normal for appliances. A good double door fridge would cost $2500.

He already said no. It was on dishes, silverware, cookware, blender. Not really sure how you would blow through 8k on that. Maybe she bought a sterling set.

If she bought stainless steel, she probably bought All Clad. That brand is super expensive and adds up.

I have an all clad set. It is was around $700. Expensive yes, but not thousands of dollars. Did she buy a huge copper set made in France?

OP here. She bought everything from Crate & Barrel.

- New cookware that I think is Clad Ware or something for like $1500. She bought a roasting pan, bakeware set, and stainless steel spatulas and those other claw things from the same company.
- All new food storage is Pyrex glass. Lots of them.
- All new dishes, drinks, silverware, etc.
- New blender, food processor, kitchen aid mixer, etc.
- New wine glasses

Most brands are that clad ware, la creusest, and kitchen aid.

We didn’t have many of the things she bought because we never cooked. We ate out for almost meal or got something that was quick and easy. She has been taking cooking lessons online and has started cooking. She bought a bunch of things for the house that we didn’t have and that she felt she would need.

Here’s what’s bothering me about your post, OP. Buying necessary household items is actually a chore. I spent the time and effort researching and buying a blender, set of pans, etc because they were needed by the household. Not needed by *me.* This spending is more like her buying paper towels and toilet paper than it is like her splurging on high-end jeans. If she’s the only one spending money on maintaining household needs, it just means you didn’t do your part in maintaining the needs of the household.

It does sound like she spent more than a more frugal person would have to outfit your home, but if you wanted to shop frugally for dishware you should have stepped up and handled it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll marry you and not spend your money on dumb shit. I would not be okay with this because we’d need to be on the same page. We spend a lot and I mean a lot of money on art and furniture and we always agree and consult with each other. Ugh If you have kids is she going to have a 50K nursery?

She always has the PBK set she wants picked out.

OP here. We are trying for a baby and have been looking at these things together. All of our friends warned us against PBK because they said the quality is very cheap. She really likes the Babyletto cribs her friends have.

OP here. We also both agree that doing a theme nursery for a baby is a waste of money.

Unless the theme is “expensive.” She will want that theme, I promise.

A theme dies not usually create the expense. Butterfly sheets vs solids are not where you are spending extra. It is the crib and all the baby equipment ...stroller carseat nigh chair