My mom didn't change hers, so I thought that was the default until I learned otherwise! (My parents have been married for 40+ years and they still have to correct people on this front.)

My sister and I have both their last names, and we both kept them when we got married.

I would never fault an individual person for choices about their own name. It just bothers me out, on the broad scale, that there is a default based on gender that 80% of people still adhere to. It also sucks for men who don't like their last name, or maybe want some distance from their family of origin – but feel they can't make a change without drawing tons of unwanted attention/criticism.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What problems could it possibly cause “down the road”? I’m genuinely asking you.

I didn’t change my name, partly because I have an established professional license and publications in my maiden name, partly because I didn’t want to give up part of my identity while he kept his. Seems an unfair way to start things out. I suggested that both of us change our names (to his mom’s maiden name) and he didn’t want to do that. He also didn’t pressure me to change to his name. I might have changed it at least for personal use if his surname was an easy one, but it’s not (neither is my maiden name). Oh well.

PS - 15 years in, three kids with his surname, and no problems because of it.

No one cares about your profession maiden name, Hillary Clinton took the last name and she's as lib and professional as they get.

Is she tho? Entire political career is on the coattails of her rapist husband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I changed my name because I wanted us to be a family and not someone who's git the foot out of the door. Yes, my husband wouldn't have changed his, but we're not the same and we show love in different ways. Women who keep their nane because "men do too" simply don't get that.

lol

lol it was decent trolling.

Anonymous wrote:I changed my name because I wanted us to be a family and not someone who's git the foot out of the door. Yes, my husband wouldn't have changed his, but we're not the same and we show love in different ways. Women who keep their nane because "men do too" simply don't get that.

Nobody has to get anything. People show love as they please.

Anonymous wrote:I changed my name because I wanted us to be a family and not someone who's git the foot out of the door. Yes, my husband wouldn't have changed his, but we're not the same and we show love in different ways. Women who keep their nane because "men do too" simply don't get that.

I didn’t change my name because I didn’t want to. I’ve often thought about changing my first name because I hate it. But I love my last name. It’s a huge part of my identity. My husband didn’t care at all that I kept it. His last name is very ordinary (think Smith) and he would have happily changed his, but neither one of us saw the point.

I really don’t understand how changing your last name shows love. It shows an adherence to old established traditions in your culture. It’s awesome that you and your husband are on the same page about these things. It means that you’re compatible, but that doesn’t mean that other couples share your values. My husband and I are compatible precisely because we didn’t see any problem with me keeping my name nor did we view changing it as a symbol of love.

Anonymous wrote:I changed my name because I wanted us to be a family and not someone who's git the foot out of the door. Yes, my husband wouldn't have changed his, but we're not the same and we show love in different ways. Women who keep their nane because "men do too" simply don't get that.

lol

I changed my name because I wanted us to be a family and not someone who's git the foot out of the door. Yes, my husband wouldn't have changed his, but we're not the same and we show love in different ways. Women who keep their nane because "men do too" simply don't get that.

Didn't change my name 30 years ago and still married. Interestingly enough, all my relatives who didn't cha ge their names are still married to their dhs. Those who did change their names are now divorced, but they were also the women who married in their early 20s.

It’s my name. Why should I change it? Have never understood why women do that.

I created my own last name. I never liked the one I was born with.

My DH's last name is awful. No way.

We gave our daughter my last name and his name is her middle initial.

Anonymous wrote:Married 27 years, no kids, no issue with having kept my own name, literally not one ever. I think its a red flag if a husband to be is adamant that the wife give up her name. If she wants to do it that's her choice but would have been very wary had my husband carried that much one way or the other. I don't think there is any correlation between not changing your name and getting divorced.

I don't think so, either. It's actually not standard to take the spouse's name in some countries.

In my industry (academia), for the sake of your publication record, you keep your name. I don't see tons of divorces in this industry.

^^^ do *know* a couple of women, not I do them 😂

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stats don't lie, 75%-80% take the last name, mostly divorced dont

Yes, we're aware that most women take husband's name. That doesn't mean the ones that don't should.
Not sure about the divorce part, but lack of divorce might also be a sign of higher levels of traditionalism and not necessarily high levels of marital satisfaction.

None of the women I know that kept their name have divorced. But I do a couple of women who changed their name when they got married, divorced and changed back to their maiden name, then later remarried and changed to the 2nd husband’s name (both of them had kids with 1st husband’s surname) and it’s like…oh, honey.

sorry meant to say 3 kids, not no kids.

Married 27 years, no kids, no issue with having kept my own name, literally not one ever. I think its a red flag if a husband to be is adamant that the wife give up her name. If she wants to do it that's her choice but would have been very wary had my husband carried that much one way or the other. I don't think there is any correlation between not changing your name and getting divorced.