Anonymous wrote:"This is the crux of it that you just don’t understand: no one is entitled to someone else’s body in 2021. Call it “having an emotional need met” if you want, there is still no entitlement to sex."

Do you really think that anybody, male or female, who stands in front of their friends and family and promises to love and cherish their spouse so long as they both shall live is contemplating that the other person is going to refuse to touch them physically for years and years? Nobody would make that promise if going untouched for years or decades by the one person who is supposed to adore and love you were a condition of the marriage. Being rejected over and over again by the one person who is supposed to think you're wonderful is excruciating. I know I wouldn't have married my exH if I thought he believed it would be fine to abandon me in the bedroom. I expected that my exH was an adult who had considered the fact that I'd grow older, put on some weight while pregnant, get wrinkles, get gray hair, maybe get seriously ill for a while, etc... and that he'd assessed that he could still love AND desire me for the rest of his life, even if I didn't turn out to be his ideal wife. Every adult KNOWS when they marry that their spouse will not always be as alluring as they are on the wedding day. In the end, he left me for entirely different reasons. But had I left, I feel I would have been more than justified. He was the one who failed to live up to his marriage vows, not me. Had I slept with someone else and he tried to stop me from getting alimony due to my adultery, I would have counter sued him for abandonment that took place long before I ever slept with a third party. Abandonment is just as fatal to a marriage as adultery. It's a cop out. It's what someone does when they check out of the marriage but want to present a facade to the public while still enjoying their spouse's contributions (high salary, status, creating a comfy home environment, etc...). A person who abandons their spouse by not being willing to have sex or figure out what's causing the problem and fixing it needs to be held accountable for destroying the marriage. There is a victim in every marriage where one spouse abandons the other, and I can't understand why so few people on DCUM will acknowledge this.

Anonymous wrote:"For us it seems like it helps if we go out and do stuff (see bands, etc) with friends. Women will come up and talk to me or flirt with me and I think it makes something click in her. Its like “Oh yeah, I forgot he’s attractive and other women want to have sex with him.” Sex may not be that night hut it will be the rest of the weekend at least. Its like she gets turned on by other women finding me attractive or hitting on me."

This is what Esther Perel talks about. The distance that allows you to see your partner through the eyes of others is a key part of what keeps you desiring them.

Anonymous wrote:"The first post about massages with genuine disinterest in reciprocation is great advice."

The secret to having sex with your wife is not wanting to have sex with your wife. I'm on it!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok guys. Here’s our group. How are you handling this? What has worked; what hasn’t? How will we go on in this situation? Let’s discuss.

Can anyone explain why a man created this support group for men, but it turned into 35 pages of responses written by women, attacking men?

Welcome to DCUrban Mom. /r/daddit is over there ——>

Anonymous wrote:Get a FWB...

Anonymous wrote:
I think part of the issue is that we conceive of a "healthy marriage" looking one specific way and we don't leave a lot of room for people to change, even to experience the normal an inevitable changes of age. A marriage between 52 year olds and marriage between 32 year olds will look different, to expect otherwise is simply ignorant.