OP is there a chance your neice was uncomfortably standing up or having a role in your wedding? Have you talked to your sister and let her know you feel hurt and don't understand the rationale and whether there is more to this? Has your mother asked your sister about this? It seems they ought to rethink this or it will have reverberations for everyone involved later.

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of a friend of mine whose son plays tennis for the high school team. She is obsessive and protectionist about the team and sport for him because she fears it is keeping him out of drugs and the bad crowd or a positive thing he can focus on while he's not so successful socially (gets a tad bullied and socially anxious).

Does that make it okay?

Not everyone is extremely social. I don't get the connection of his social behavior to a sport. Sports don't or at least shouldn't make people more or less socially popular.

My post was directed at 5:57

Don't you think parents talk to their kids about not using drugs? You think you're the first person to think of this? You are incredibly naive and give yourself far too much credit for your children's behavior. In some communities (low income OR even affluent suburban) having meaningful activity after school is the only thing that can save kids from drugs and other risky behaviors.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree no one should be greatly offended. I still think there's something wrong with kids not being able to talk to coaches and parents deciding no matter what to further their child's career over important family time. I also think it's a shame to raise kids who can't appreciate anything outside of their little world. This is not the character development I thought sports instilled. If this is really what high school sports are like, I'm all for getting rid of high school sports and just having the clubs run these things. In some sports the highest level kids don't even play on their high school team anyway and in Europe it's like this everywhere.

the clubs are WAY worse than the schools.

They are private though and in that way are able to do whatever they want. They can pay for park and facility fees for their games then which would support the town. If they treat their kids like slaves, at least I have a choice of keeping my child out. In a high school game, I have to fund the team, the field, and support them as part of the school culture. I have no interest in spending taxpayer dollars funding teams that don't promote good character. If you want to have toxic coaches and act like you're in the NBA, go private.

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of a friend of mine whose son plays tennis for the high school team. She is obsessive and protectionist about the team and sport for him because she fears it is keeping him out of drugs and the bad crowd or a positive thing he can focus on while he's not so successful socially (gets a tad bullied and socially anxious).

Does that make it okay?

No, it's not, IMO, because it still gives sport a place it should not have in a person's life and in the world.

The way to keep a child away from drugs is to talk to him or her plainly about what drugs do to a person and to that person's family. How they degrade you, how they make you a slave to them, how they lead to steal, prostitute yourself, hurt other people, anything to get the money you need to keep buying drugs. How slim-to-nonexistant the chances to actually clean up and stay clean are, once you fall into that trap. It's to keep the lines of communications open and to tell your child that, while there will be dire punishments if you catch him or her doing drugs, there will be no negative consequences if he comes home and says that someone offered him/her drugs, if s/he gives the name of that person to his/her parents so that the parents will get the relevant authorities to do what must be done.

The way to stop the bullying is to come down hard on the bullies, not let a sport be the be-all and end-all in someone's life.

And frankly, given the way this society defines success, I very much prefer a child not to be "popular" and "successful" as per the current definition, especially at the high school level. Give me a child who will strive to make a true difference in the world, who has a solid moral compass, who pursues a wholesome hobby or two without losing sight of the said hobbies importance in the grand scheme of life, and who stays away from the party scene and nonsense such as sports and cheerleading. Give me a child like that any day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You get this type of sports culture when parents treat the coach like a king to curry as much favor as possible so the kid gets fair or preferential treatment. So the coach can make any demands and set the penalties. Parents create this to some extent.

Agree, the fact the PP mom with the daughter who got chewed out for coming to the hospital with her never said anything to the coach says more about her than it does the coach.

She shouldn't have to worry about putting a coach in his place immediately after such a major health scare. I wonder how such people get chosen as coaches in the first place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous



You get this type of sports culture when parents treat the coach like a king to curry as much favor as possible so the kid gets fair or preferential treatment. So the coach can make any demands and set the penalties. Parents create this to some extent.

And what about the way brides act? What kind of culture is that?

WHAT? Who are you, some bitter MIL who had a podunk wedding? My MIL was like that, we saw how she acted. Hint: it hasn't changed much. But I'm that bad guy for bringing it up here? Riiiiiiiight.........

Different poster who feels people need to lay off the brides.

This reminds me of a friend of mine whose son plays tennis for the high school team. She is obsessive and protectionist about the team and sport for him because she fears it is keeping him out of drugs and the bad crowd or a positive thing he can focus on while he's not so successful socially (gets a tad bullied and socially anxious).

Does that make it okay?

Everyone will regret this, most of all the mom and neice and grandmother. Bride will be least affected. Nieces mother has very low expectations for her daughters. This is sad.

Anonymous wrote:Niece was IN the wedding a bailed for her first game? This is spoiled child behavior.

+1 and the mom/sister allowed it.

Anonymous wrote:Just curious OP - how far into the wedding planning are you? Is it too hard to move the date? I mean if you haven't bought honeymoon airline tix yet or can still move the date around without losing a deposit than can you change it? Have the invites been sent??

Or even if you do lose the deposit or have to pay an airline change fee, do you think it would be worth it in order to get your nephew to attend (ie accomodate them?). Yes, it sucks, but maybe your sister will help pay for the change.
And if you are as close as you say your are and as passionate as you describe to have your nephew in attandance, than you probably wouldn't mind too much changing the date.

So the bride and/or someone parents should have to forgo money and deposits so a 14yr can go to a preseason game. No way.

OP here. The bummer of it all is there are so many ways this could've been avoided by happenstance. The date we picked wasn't magical. Could've been any date in March/April. We had so much flexibility. We just picked one that seemed to have no issues and went with it. Restaurant was flexible but we juuuust had printed and sent out the invitations and we had some others rely on what we told them verbally pre-invite arrival.

It's a shame. Bad luck. But I think my headspace has moved on the last week - had to get used to the news and everything - so I think it just is what it is and we'll all survive just fine.

Thank you for thinking of me and the situation, and for the suggestions.

Just curious OP - how far into the wedding planning are you? Is it too hard to move the date? I mean if you haven't bought honeymoon airline tix yet or can still move the date around without losing a deposit than can you change it? Have the invites been sent??

Or even if you do lose the deposit or have to pay an airline change fee, do you think it would be worth it in order to get your nephew to attend (ie accomodate them?). Yes, it sucks, but maybe your sister will help pay for the change.
And if you are as close as you say your are and as passionate as you describe to have your nephew in attandance, than you probably wouldn't mind too much changing the date.

Niece was IN the wedding a bailed for her first game? This is spoiled child behavior.