Anonymous
05/22/2020 14:01
Subject: Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Team Wife here. Your mom provided thousands and thousands of dollars worth of free childcare to your sister. (Say, 2 kids x 5 years each x $16,000 = $160k at a minimum). She can pay for a service now.
Best post so far.
Nope. Mom agreed to do that for FREE. If my kid takes a job paying 8 bucks an hour, I can't years later decide that he was actually supposed to be paid $18/hour. It doesn't work that way.
Plus, you have no clue what SIL was doing for her mom in exchange for the babysitting. Regardless, it must have been a mutually agreeable arrangement of the time. And, no, Op doesn't "get" anything out of it now.
There are consequences to treating your children unequally. You want to favor one set of grandkids, go ahead but don’t be surprised if you set up this type of dynamic.
Anonymous
05/22/2020 13:14
Subject: Re:Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother
Anonymous wrote:I’m with your wife on this, too. This is not for her to solve.
Me too. Your wife should not be expected to give up time with her kids to take care of your mom. This is up to you, your sister and your dad to figure out. You have a fix your dad just does not want to sacrifice. So why should your wife?
Anonymous
05/22/2020 10:51
Subject: Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Team Wife here. Your mom provided thousands and thousands of dollars worth of free childcare to your sister. (Say, 2 kids x 5 years each x $16,000 = $160k at a minimum). She can pay for a service now.
Best post so far.
Don’t forget MIL was collecting disability while caring for these children.
Well, there is that. Sounds like MIL was happy to spend time with her grandchildren. She was allowed to do that and she did.
While on fraudulent “I can’t work” taxpayer dole, so actually we all paid everything!
She was allowed to visit with her grandchildren and didn't collect a dime doing it so I'm not seeing the fraud. Not your beeswax so buzz out.
Are you OP? You seem mentally ill. Where do you live again? Doubt it is dc area.
No, the insane thing is you yammering on about some childcare this poor, sick woman did back in 2006 or whatever. Irrelevant.
NP. You are beginning to sound more and more crazy. Either you are the SIL/OP or you’re projecting a lot. Your viewpoints don’t make sense, especially with regards to accountability for the SIL. Something is not making since with how much you’re defending the SIL and trashing OP’s wife.
I am neither SIL or Op. In fact, when this sort of thing occurred in my own family I was a single, working woman with a demanding job, an apartment I shared with my boyfriend at the time and I had been out of my parents house for years, completely self sufficient. The reason I helped is because I could see with my own eyes that my parents *needed* help. I didn't start saying "Well Sue should help you because you helped her with X, Y, Z umpteen years ago" or "Bill should do it because Dad loaned him money and gave him a car X number of years ago". When people start doing that it totally detracts from the energy needed to put into solving the crisis.
I'm not going to spend an ounce of my energy rehashing who did what for whom in 2006. It's pointless and it does NOTHING to solve the problem.
The bolded matters.
Moreover, you didn’t have small children from whom you would be diverting significant time and resources. You can’t really compare what you were able/willing to do as a DINK to someone in the op’s scenario.
Well, we're dealing with round 2 now. I'm the only one with kids still at home and guess who it is falling to again.
No, this is about character. You either have it or you don't. There are some things in life that you just do.
Anonymous
05/22/2020 09:32
Subject: Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother
I think OPs wife may be referring to sister and BIL likeliness to do almost nothing. Their offer rather feeble. That leaves the WHOLE JOB on Op and his wife. She would rather not set that expectation. She’s realistic.
Anonymous
05/22/2020 09:14
Subject: Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Team Wife here. Your mom provided thousands and thousands of dollars worth of free childcare to your sister. (Say, 2 kids x 5 years each x $16,000 = $160k at a minimum). She can pay for a service now.
Best post so far.
Don’t forget MIL was collecting disability while caring for these children.
Well, there is that. Sounds like MIL was happy to spend time with her grandchildren. She was allowed to do that and she did.
While on fraudulent “I can’t work” taxpayer dole, so actually we all paid everything!
She was allowed to visit with her grandchildren and didn't collect a dime doing it so I'm not seeing the fraud. Not your beeswax so buzz out.
Are you OP? You seem mentally ill. Where do you live again? Doubt it is dc area.
No, the insane thing is you yammering on about some childcare this poor, sick woman did back in 2006 or whatever. Irrelevant.
NP. You are beginning to sound more and more crazy. Either you are the SIL/OP or you’re projecting a lot. Your viewpoints don’t make sense, especially with regards to accountability for the SIL. Something is not making since with how much you’re defending the SIL and trashing OP’s wife.
I am neither SIL or Op. In fact, when this sort of thing occurred in my own family I was a single, working woman with a demanding job, an apartment I shared with my boyfriend at the time and I had been out of my parents house for years, completely self sufficient. The reason I helped is because I could see with my own eyes that my parents *needed* help. I didn't start saying "Well Sue should help you because you helped her with X, Y, Z umpteen years ago" or "Bill should do it because Dad loaned him money and gave him a car X number of years ago". When people start doing that it totally detracts from the energy needed to put into solving the crisis.
I'm not going to spend an ounce of my energy rehashing who did what for whom in 2006. It's pointless and it does NOTHING to solve the problem.
The bolded matters.
Moreover, you didn’t have small children from whom you would be diverting significant time and resources. You can’t really compare what you were able/willing to do as a DINK to someone in the op’s scenario.
Op's wife just needs to suck it up and watch her own danged kids while Op helps HIS parents. This is not all on the sister.
Anonymous
05/22/2020 04:30
Subject: Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Team Wife here. Your mom provided thousands and thousands of dollars worth of free childcare to your sister. (Say, 2 kids x 5 years each x $16,000 = $160k at a minimum). She can pay for a service now.
Best post so far.
Don’t forget MIL was collecting disability while caring for these children.
Well, there is that. Sounds like MIL was happy to spend time with her grandchildren. She was allowed to do that and she did.
While on fraudulent “I can’t work” taxpayer dole, so actually we all paid everything!
She was allowed to visit with her grandchildren and didn't collect a dime doing it so I'm not seeing the fraud. Not your beeswax so buzz out.
Are you OP? You seem mentally ill. Where do you live again? Doubt it is dc area.
No, the insane thing is you yammering on about some childcare this poor, sick woman did back in 2006 or whatever. Irrelevant.
NP. You are beginning to sound more and more crazy. Either you are the SIL/OP or you’re projecting a lot. Your viewpoints don’t make sense, especially with regards to accountability for the SIL. Something is not making since with how much you’re defending the SIL and trashing OP’s wife.
I am neither SIL or Op. In fact, when this sort of thing occurred in my own family I was a single, working woman with a demanding job, an apartment I shared with my boyfriend at the time and I had been out of my parents house for years, completely self sufficient. The reason I helped is because I could see with my own eyes that my parents *needed* help. I didn't start saying "Well Sue should help you because you helped her with X, Y, Z umpteen years ago" or "Bill should do it because Dad loaned him money and gave him a car X number of years ago". When people start doing that it totally detracts from the energy needed to put into solving the crisis.
I'm not going to spend an ounce of my energy rehashing who did what for whom in 2006. It's pointless and it does NOTHING to solve the problem.
The bolded matters.
Moreover, you didn’t have small children from whom you would be diverting significant time and resources. You can’t really compare what you were able/willing to do as a DINK to someone in the op’s scenario.
Anonymous
05/22/2020 02:15
Subject: Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Team Wife here. Your mom provided thousands and thousands of dollars worth of free childcare to your sister. (Say, 2 kids x 5 years each x $16,000 = $160k at a minimum). She can pay for a service now.
Best post so far.
Don’t forget MIL was collecting disability while caring for these children.
Well, there is that. Sounds like MIL was happy to spend time with her grandchildren. She was allowed to do that and she did.
While on fraudulent “I can’t work” taxpayer dole, so actually we all paid everything!
She was allowed to visit with her grandchildren and didn't collect a dime doing it so I'm not seeing the fraud. Not your beeswax so buzz out.
Are you OP? You seem mentally ill. Where do you live again? Doubt it is dc area.
No, the insane thing is you yammering on about some childcare this poor, sick woman did back in 2006 or whatever. Irrelevant.
NP. You are beginning to sound more and more crazy. Either you are the SIL/OP or you’re projecting a lot. Your viewpoints don’t make sense, especially with regards to accountability for the SIL. Something is not making since with how much you’re defending the SIL and trashing OP’s wife.
I am neither SIL or Op. In fact, when this sort of thing occurred in my own family I was a single, working woman with a demanding job, an apartment I shared with my boyfriend at the time and I had been out of my parents house for years, completely self sufficient. The reason I helped is because I could see with my own eyes that my parents *needed* help. I didn't start saying "Well Sue should help you because you helped her with X, Y, Z umpteen years ago" or "Bill should do it because Dad loaned him money and gave him a car X number of years ago". When people start doing that it totally detracts from the energy needed to put into solving the crisis.
I'm not going to spend an ounce of my energy rehashing who did what for whom in 2006. It's pointless and it does NOTHING to solve the problem.
The bolded matters.
Anonymous
05/22/2020 01:06
Subject: Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother
^ to add. I understand that op said she is upset over the childcare but I could guarantee this is the tip of the iceberg. I bet there is a long history of being treated nastily and this is the one sticking point for her.
OP should be standing up for her but appears to be throwing her under the bus.
OP should be standing up for her but appears to be throwing her under the bus.
Anonymous
05/22/2020 01:01
Subject: Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:wife is part of the family. if she is too self centered and selfish to help a bit I would hope that at some point she does not require help of some kind similar. ( the relationship would change for sure if she were my wife....)
And what if your family was too self centered to help when your wife needed it. Would you then also agree that they hopefully don't require help at some point.
My own IL's didn't help with childcare and whatnot. That doesn't mean that I get to be a cold heartless biotch if something horrible happens to them. Good grief.
It's not actually about childcare. Did you not read that the family did not help ops wife when she went through a rough pregnancy and had a bad post partum. It seems the family haven't helped her out during a time of need however posters are outraged that the wife won't help them. It's not about childcare. The family didn't step up however it looks like the ops wife is stepping up and resolving issues. It seems like the SIL isn't.
She isn't a heartless biotch. She didn't want her kids in childcare for more hours. She has said she will help FIL on the weekends. She is looking out for her kids who should come before all of them.
Anonymous
05/21/2020 23:51
Subject: Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother
Anonymous wrote:Sadly, disability fraud is rampant in AmericaAnonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Team Wife here. Your mom provided thousands and thousands of dollars worth of free childcare to your sister. (Say, 2 kids x 5 years each x $16,000 = $160k at a minimum). She can pay for a service now.
Best post so far.
Don’t forget MIL was collecting disability while caring for these children.
Well, there is that. Sounds like MIL was happy to spend time with her grandchildren. She was allowed to do that and she did.
While on fraudulent “I can’t work” taxpayer dole, so actually we all paid everything!
She was allowed to visit with her grandchildren and didn't collect a dime doing it so I'm not seeing the fraud. Not your beeswax so buzz out.
Are you OP? You seem mentally ill. Where do you live again? Doubt it is dc area.
No, the insane thing is you yammering on about some childcare this poor, sick woman did back in 2006 or whatever. Irrelevant.
Well it's ancient history so you'll just have to boohoo all over that spilled milk of yours.
Anonymous
05/21/2020 23:49
Subject: Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Team Wife here. Your mom provided thousands and thousands of dollars worth of free childcare to your sister. (Say, 2 kids x 5 years each x $16,000 = $160k at a minimum). She can pay for a service now.
Best post so far.
Don’t forget MIL was collecting disability while caring for these children.
Well, there is that. Sounds like MIL was happy to spend time with her grandchildren. She was allowed to do that and she did.
While on fraudulent “I can’t work” taxpayer dole, so actually we all paid everything!
She was allowed to visit with her grandchildren and didn't collect a dime doing it so I'm not seeing the fraud. Not your beeswax so buzz out.
Are you OP? You seem mentally ill. Where do you live again? Doubt it is dc area.
No, the insane thing is you yammering on about some childcare this poor, sick woman did back in 2006 or whatever. Irrelevant.
NP. You are beginning to sound more and more crazy. Either you are the SIL/OP or you’re projecting a lot. Your viewpoints don’t make sense, especially with regards to accountability for the SIL. Something is not making since with how much you’re defending the SIL and trashing OP’s wife.
I am neither SIL or Op. In fact, when this sort of thing occurred in my own family I was a single, working woman with a demanding job, an apartment I shared with my boyfriend at the time and I had been out of my parents house for years, completely self sufficient. The reason I helped is because I could see with my own eyes that my parents *needed* help. I didn't start saying "Well Sue should help you because you helped her with X, Y, Z umpteen years ago" or "Bill should do it because Dad loaned him money and gave him a car X number of years ago". When people start doing that it totally detracts from the energy needed to put into solving the crisis.
I'm not going to spend an ounce of my energy rehashing who did what for whom in 2006. It's pointless and it does NOTHING to solve the problem.
Anonymous
05/21/2020 23:45
Subject: Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother
Your dad's being cheap. He needs to put your mom in a home.
Anonymous
05/21/2020 23:42
Subject: Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why is your sisters husband not being requested to help? They got the free childcare and it’s time to repay the favor. They do 3 days and you do the other two.
The mil chose to watch them on her time and for free. No one has to pay anyone back for a favor, nor is it the other siblings business what mil chose to do. It's petty to be jealous about a thing like that.
The mil's husband is still young and can handle this marital responsibility. Seriously nothing to do with OP's wife, that's absurd.
What? Shouldn’t the SILmstep up because she realizes she got the extra help with kids and also financially. Honestly, what’s up with you? Are you the SIL? Your view is totally not logical and your comments that women should be the careers/nurturers says a lot about your viewpoint and why you would disagree with someone like OP’s wife who seems to be independent. Definitely team wife here. Your views aren’t fair to OP’s wife.
Didn’t you just say your mom was disabled and chronically ill since year 2006? Op, you’re really not the sharpest tool in the shed. Do you live in the ozarks?
Everyone is harping on the fact that they think the sister should be shouldering the care of her mom or at least paying for it all by herself. I am one of the few people who is saying that, no, Op needs to do his part, too. This is not "women's work", this is helping out their parents during a time of great need. And, yes, I have said repeatedly that these would be temporary measures at a time of crisis - until a more permanent placement is made.
Anonymous
05/21/2020 23:39
Subject: Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother
Sadly, disability fraud is rampant in AmericaAnonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Team Wife here. Your mom provided thousands and thousands of dollars worth of free childcare to your sister. (Say, 2 kids x 5 years each x $16,000 = $160k at a minimum). She can pay for a service now.
Best post so far.
Don’t forget MIL was collecting disability while caring for these children.
Well, there is that. Sounds like MIL was happy to spend time with her grandchildren. She was allowed to do that and she did.
While on fraudulent “I can’t work” taxpayer dole, so actually we all paid everything!
She was allowed to visit with her grandchildren and didn't collect a dime doing it so I'm not seeing the fraud. Not your beeswax so buzz out.
Are you OP? You seem mentally ill. Where do you live again? Doubt it is dc area.
No, the insane thing is you yammering on about some childcare this poor, sick woman did back in 2006 or whatever. Irrelevant.
Anonymous
05/21/2020 23:38
Subject: Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Team Wife here. Your mom provided thousands and thousands of dollars worth of free childcare to your sister. (Say, 2 kids x 5 years each x $16,000 = $160k at a minimum). She can pay for a service now.
Best post so far.
Don’t forget MIL was collecting disability while caring for these children.
Well, there is that. Sounds like MIL was happy to spend time with her grandchildren. She was allowed to do that and she did.
While on fraudulent “I can’t work” taxpayer dole, so actually we all paid everything!
She was allowed to visit with her grandchildren and didn't collect a dime doing it so I'm not seeing the fraud. Not your beeswax so buzz out.
Are you OP? You seem mentally ill. Where do you live again? Doubt it is dc area.
No, the insane thing is you yammering on about some childcare this poor, sick woman did back in 2006 or whatever. Irrelevant.
NP. You are beginning to sound more and more crazy. Either you are the SIL/OP or you’re projecting a lot. Your viewpoints don’t make sense, especially with regards to accountability for the SIL. Something is not making since with how much you’re defending the SIL and trashing OP’s wife.