Anonymous wrote:Essentially, having "old money" means that neither you, nor anyone you've ever known, earned the money that made you wealthy. I'm not surprised people would want to be low-key about that as it could easily been seen as pretty embarrassing.

Anonymous wrote:I cannot wait to donate my POS Saab to charity. Who knew that eyesore was a good thing ....

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Anonymous wrote:A kid who has his/her own Starbucks order (This may be more UMC).

A preschooler who can hail a cab.

Not knowing what public school your address is zoned for, since it was never considered an option.

Inviting the entire class to the birthday party.

I think that leaving out the girl whose parents are "weird" is more of a status symbol around here, actually. Being inclusive is considered low brow.

That's sad.

Anonymous wrote:It's a family "cottage" built a hundred years ago that's shabby and expensive to maintain, but no one wants to sell or update it. Read "The Big House" by Henry Colt for a neat look at this kind of thing.

I know there's been debate about where this thread started and where it went, so I'll chime in with what I think unintentional status symbols are -- they are the things that my neighbor, who lives in a similarly sized house and what I presume to be a somewhat equivalent HHI, has that makes me wonder how she can afford them and ruminate on how I really can't. Just little things, like shopping bags from higher-end stores instead of Target. Or getting the newest iPhone when the latest model comes up vs. waiting for her contract to end. Or once I offered to bring Starbucks to a friend since I was going by anyway and she declined because she has a Nespresso. None of these people live in giant houses or wear giant diamonds, but have little signs that they may be doing a tad better financially than me.

Anonymous wrote:Having twins. It's immediately assumed that they we're conceived with the help of some form of ART, which very few can afford.

Before I get completely flamed, I know twins do occur naturally. I also know that many people scrap together every last penny for ivf. Nonetheless, even having the ability to scrape together that kind of money means you at least have some money.

Anonymous wrote:Returning beer to the store

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Anonymous wrote:Jotting quick notes to the teacher on properly monogrammed stationery.

RSVP'ing to a wedding on same rather than sending back the little "check fish or chicken" cards.

HA! I do this. Only because I hate those reply cards

I used to do this until my son's friend's mom said -- very sweetly-- that it screwed up her box of reply cards for kid's Bar Mitzvah.

I just write a sweet note on the back of the RSVP card unless I receive one without an RSVP card (which seems to not happen anymore).

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There, that is a perfect one! Sending out wedding invitations with no reply cards! Very very old school and an unintentional status symbol. Only those with enough knowledge will even get this. What is really sad though is people who don't even know how to reply to such an invitation.

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+1. Yup. This is a New England thing, though, I think. I'm from CT so I get this (though, sadly, I'm not one of the lucky ones). But yeah, we have friends with old family homes on the Vineyard and random little islands in Maine. They wear LL Bean fleeces all summer at said cottages (which are always extremely low-key, weathered, and rustic but at the same time perfectly tasteful and of obvious quality that has aged well). Old Volvos and Saabs and, back in the day, Jeep Wagoneers (remember those? LOVE). Very little jewelry or makeup, but they're always in shape so they can pull of the sporty look well. They ski, they sail, they know art, and they have interesting names for their grandparents. Point being, they don't have to broadcast their money with more high-end fleeces or white elephant summer homes. The low-key approach broadcasts their privilege and family background much more effectively to those who understand the code. I actually find it more refreshing than the flashiness around DC.

YES!!!!!!! Nailed it.

+1 (pp here who was the cape cod vacationer). Totally agree.

It's not just New England. I'm from Maryland. Old money just doesn't like to be flashy. It's tacky.

Right, so owning multi-million dollar homes and yachts is so understated. I'm confused. New England wealthy folk don't wear brand names, except they do; don't drive brand name cars, except they do; don't own flashy things, except they do. Remind me what's so classy about them whilst tacky about all the nouveau riche folks in their multi-million dollar homes and Mercedes?

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Anonymous wrote:heirloom jewelary

The ability to spell.

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Anonymous wrote:Can someone explain how international adoption is an unintentional status symbol? The people I know who have adopted internationally (including me) are generally middle class who have scraped together money or taken out loans to adopt.

It's only a status symbol if the 1st 2 children are biological.

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Anonymous wrote:A kid who has his/her own Starbucks order (This may be more UMC).

A preschooler who can hail a cab.

Not knowing what public school your address is zoned for, since it was never considered an option.

Inviting the entire class to the birthday party.

I think that leaving out the girl whose parents are "weird" is more of a status symbol around here, actually. Being inclusive is considered low brow.

That's sad.

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Anonymous wrote:Other symbols. Active in church (Episcopalian or Presbyterian) but not bible thumping. Give to charity both with time and money. Give to schools (privates and college/university), regular cars.

Basically whatever comes to mind with Nouveau riche (fancy cars, flashy clothes, conspicuous spending, clawing for the elite soccer team because it matters for college)--think the opposite.

Stop!! This is me!! I consider myself middle class. Huh.