Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP, you're fine. 1-2 glasses a night after the kids go to bed is not excess. Periodically check in with yourself to ask, "could I stop this?" and even take breaks if you're concerned that it's a minor dependency. But realistically, it's an amount that just isn't a problem.

Anyone saying it is a problem is privileged to have never dealt with real alcoholics and lucky to have not lived through what real dependency is like.

Ha, thank you for this framing. We are living through pandemic with a tea totaler relative. They make me feel like Im a real booze hound if I want to drink 1-2 beers 1 x per week. Just one time per week and max 2 drinks bc my kid wakes up at 6 am every morning. You have reminded me that they are ridiculous not me.

www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2014/09/25/think-you-drink-a-lot-this-chart-will-tell-you/%3foutputType=amp

WaPo ran this chart of alcohol consumption by quintile. You are fine.

Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP, you're fine. 1-2 glasses a night after the kids go to bed is not excess. Periodically check in with yourself to ask, "could I stop this?" and even take breaks if you're concerned that it's a minor dependency. But realistically, it's an amount that just isn't a problem.

Anyone saying it is a problem is privileged to have never dealt with real alcoholics and lucky to have not lived through what real dependency is like.

Ha, thank you for this framing. We are living through pandemic with a tea totaler relative. They make me feel like Im a real booze hound if I want to drink 1-2 beers 1 x per week. Just one time per week and max 2 drinks bc my kid wakes up at 6 am every morning. You have reminded me that they are ridiculous not me.

I stopped because it was hard for me not to have that glass and a half. Really hard. I felt I needed it to be able to diffuse everything going on, to be able to take the edge off.

I cut down to only on Friday and Saturday nights. I had a hard time with that, so I stopped altogether.

I am not saying I won’t go back, and I certainly expect to have some here and there, but I realized that... that I need to get used to living in the reality of things and knowing I can cope with the THIS that is going on, and finding real solutions when things really are too much.

I bought special sodas for a while to have that ritual, then just water and lime. I am happy to give my organs a break for a bit. I also have a sleep tracker and I get more deep sleep after cutting out my evening drink.

Anonymous wrote:Just be careful of habit forming. My mother started this way when I was young and it slid into full blown alcoholism which eventually killed her. She told me it all started innocently enough because she liked having a drink while watching tv to relax at night. And then got beyond her control.

+1 I have 2 friends who developed a very serious problem by their late 40's. Started the same way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP, you're fine. 1-2 glasses a night after the kids go to bed is not excess. Periodically check in with yourself to ask, "could I stop this?" and even take breaks if you're concerned that it's a minor dependency. But realistically, it's an amount that just isn't a problem.

Anyone saying it is a problem is privileged to have never dealt with real alcoholics and lucky to have not lived through what real dependency is like.

Spoken like an alcoholic.

That’s what a narcissist would say.

Having 1-2 glasses of wine a night is perfectly normal, and assuming that you're not a super tiny person, not an unhealthy amount of alcohol.

However - feeling like alcohol is the "only way" you can unwind is a problem. You have an alcohol dependency.

If I were you, I would brainstorm a quick list of other potential ways to unwind (sex, board game, bath, book, husband gives you a massage, yoga, going for a walk, etc). Come up with at least 8-10 of them. Then pick one day a week (say, Tuesday), and promise yourself that for the next two months, you'll have ZERO wine on Tuesday, and that instead, each week you will try just one of the things on your list. Then, on Wednesdays, jot down a quick note as to whether it was helpful/awful/fine but not great.

Then re-evaluate in two months. If Tuesdays were torture, or if you couldn't do it, you have a problem, and need to talk to someone.

If they were fine, just not great, and you found at least one or two things that made it pretty solid, then great. Try and keep up with those one or two things instead of drinking once or twice a week, and pat yourself on your back for surviving the little kid years however you can.

The absolute best thing is to remove the cause of the anxiety so there is no reason to “take the edge off.” Like, find a way to get truly restorative breaks during the day. Brene Brown has written a lot about this.

But if you really can’t find a way to remove the cause of the anxiety, just do your best.

A glass or two is likely ok, as long as you can keep it there. The research continues to prove this is not healthy, especially for woman. I think your primary concern should be to make sure 1-2 doesn’t become 2-3 and so on. My sister was exactly like you. Over a 10 year period, she became a horrible alcoholic. I won’t go into the devastation it’s caused her family but urge you to keep an eye on yourself to make sure this ritual doesn’t become a habit or worse. You might try a dry January to see how that goes.

I don’t, but i have several friends that do. 30s with kids

Is anyone else finding they can't finish a single drink since the pandemic started? Because of a high risk family member I'm pulling double duty with kiddo and work. If I drink, I'm asleep before I get halfway through the beer.

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this site really brings out the tee totalers. I definitely have had periods of time where I have 1-2 glasses of wine every night. Really enjoy it. Then when I want to lose weight or just feel healthier, I stop.

I think there are plenty of people that do this. Just not many on DCUM.

I think it is children of alcoholics

It's not healthy, but I sympathize. I have never been a regular drinker. I've always just done maybe a glass of wine or cocktail once a week while eating dinner out. Well, during the pandemic, somehow I have become someone who needs a drink at least multiple times a week. I have a 4 yo and 19 mo.

Same thing with coffee, actually. I rarely drank coffee before the pandemic. I actually went through a period of being totally caffeine free even with a toddler and baby. Well, since the pandemic, I need a coffee every morning and sometimes one in the afternoon.

I find it hard to take care of these children all day without substances....

Lordy. This escalated quickly. Everybody take a step back and keep some perspective. We are living in EXTRAORDINARY times. A freaking pandemic. You are parenting 24/7, while working and have a brief period of time in the evenings to relax. Give yourself grace. You seem pretty self-aware. Keep an eye on the habit and keep re-assessing as a more normal life resumes in the coming year. Otherwise, enjoy your glass of wine and some peace at night!

I’m 35. My mom is an alcoholic. She’d drink until she fell asleep at the kitchen table. She’s driven drunk when I unexpectedly needed her to pick me up at night. She couldn’t stop if she wanted to. One glass while talking with hubs at night because you like the ritual seems fine. Two glasses every night seems like a bit much and I personally would gain weight if I drank that much. Maybe see if you can easily limit to one glass most nights. If you find it hard to cut back that might be a warning sign. I will share that I rarely drink but got a wine advent calendar this year and have been having .5-1 glass a day since thanksgiving and am worried I might be enjoying it too much. I’ll planning to go back to my usual habits in Jan

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this site really brings out the tee totalers. I definitely have had periods of time where I have 1-2 glasses of wine every night. Really enjoy it. Then when I want to lose weight or just feel healthier, I stop.

I think there are plenty of people that do this. Just not many on DCUM.

+1

Literally almost everyone I know drinks multiple nights a week, if not daily - myself included. If I feel like I am looking forward to it *too* much, lose weight, or just generally need to cut back, I'll usually do 2-4 weeks dry. Right now I am only drinking on weekends just for health and sleep reasons, but I really don't feel like it's a big deal if I do have a glass of wine or two with dinner on weeknights too.