OP, I SAH but just came on to say that the face time at school events/sports gets way easier. My oldest is a 5th grader now and already there is so much less parents are expected to attend. Hang in there!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sexism on this thread is astounding.

Astounding.

Starting with the thread title. How do men with “big careers” (whatever that is?) make it work?

Well, for one, the men usually have a supporting spouse at home.

True story. My mom was a senior VP in a Fortune 500 company. She was the only woman in the senior leadership. She was at a late meeting one day with other senior leaders. It was about 8 or 9 pm. As they 6-7 of them were walking out the door, one man turned to my mom and said something like "Wow, I'm hungry. I hope Larla has something good ready for dinner tonight when I get home! What about you?" My mom, without missing a beat, said "When I get home I'm making a good dinner. I'm sure Laslo is looking forward to it!" The speaker and the other men were completely nonplussed. All of them had spouses who were SAH and who waited on them hand and foot. This was in the 2000s.

Gender roles are hard to break. On the other hand, the loud and prolonged sound that you heard in the 90s was of the glass breaking as my mom clawed her way to the top, using her hammer to chip a hole in the ceiling so that she and other women could climb through. And my dad was right there with her boosting her in any way he could, just like she boosted him earlier in his career.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sexism on this thread is astounding.

Astounding.

Starting with the thread title. How do men with “big careers” (whatever that is?) make it work?

Same answer; they outsource everything, sometimes to the other parent, and they don't attend every event and practice.

Anonymous wrote:The sexism on this thread is astounding.

Astounding.

Starting with the thread title. How do men with “big careers” (whatever that is?) make it work?

Anonymous wrote:Mom with a “big career” here. Supportive husband who attends most of the school stuff.

He is amazing.

Just want to give credit to dads who rarely get it on DCUM. You guys are the best. My husband does it all, works, cooks, attends school events and basically keeps us going.

+1. I had an important job I never could have held if my husband hadn't handled carpool by himself for about four years. Not to mention cooked dinner, helped with homework, etc. I only missed one event at school during those years, but it was really hard, and I didn't get much sleep. I've moved on from that job, and am making up for lost time with re: to both carpool and sleep; dc is really proud of me for my professional accomplishments, but I think part of it is that he never felt like the job was more important than he was. Even with a really supportive husband, it's hard to sustain over a long period of time. Something's got to give.

My only advice for OP is this: I was always the "star pupil" at work who never let anything slide. However, I learned that you can prioritize your child over work, and sometimes things aren't done perfectly, and the world doesn't end. There were times that I stood up and left because dc had an event at school, and I wanted to be there. Because I was a great performer the other 99% of the time, no one said a word. You're probably harder on yourself than everyone else is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read Laura Vanderkam - her book, I Know How She Does It, and new podcast.

I was a SAHM mom for years and I rarely went to camp performances and I never would have gone to hang out at a practice. You really don't need to hit everything.

+1. The best if both worlds podcast really helps me.

I just started to listening to this podcast - it is great

You have to prioritize what is going to get done & what's going to slide. Make your peace with your it.

Here's what we do and no, we don't do everything:
(1) Au pair who provides flexible child care hours. We couldn't both have high-travel, full-time jobs without it. There's always at least one parent home in a given week but neither of us could handle both drop off & pick up by ourselves given work schedules. She only works 25 hrs/wk during school weeks but works up to 45/wk in the summer + covers snow days as needed.
(2) We sign the kids up for part-day summer camps to buy us flexibility in the summer, as we would otherwise be up against our au pair hour cap.
(3) I batch cook on Sundays: make my breakfasts & lunches for the work week + a main course or two for family dinners. This keeps me eating healthier & reducing week night dinner stress.
(4) I find ways to take care of myself after the kids are in bed. I follow the 10 step Korean skincare routine at night & work out at 5:30am M-F to keep myself fit. With all of that, I feel pretty pampered.

Op, the juggling is really hard. You can’t be in two places at the same time. I agree with recommendations above — bring your laptop when you can, Uber if you can work while you drive, and maybe one really long day a week would help you get it all done when you need to be out for school events. Good luck.

Lady, all of us have "big careers". You aren't special. Figure out your life, what your priorities are and then implement them in order of importance. We all have to deal with sports and camps and music lessons and school projects, etc. We all bring work home. Get over yourself.

I don’t think you should stress yourself out about attending a soccer practice. Actual games or performances of some kind sure, but practice? No.

I have a lady who works for me is juggling too much. It is politically incorrect and not allowed but she is an annoyance to everyone. Three kids under 4 and a non supporative husband is making my whole dept missable. Three workers already told me she needs to go. But I can't.

Don't take this out of your sleep. I try to calendar things out and do a balance. Can't make this soccer game? I have the 3rd one calendared for October and Dad will be there for the 2nd. A lot of the back-to-school events are very optional so don't sweat a lot of those. We switched to a shared family calendar and clearly designate which kid events need a parent and assign which will go based on work schedules (or if both need to be there - like teacher conferences, we both make it happen).

Also think about how you talk about your work with your kids. If your kid is upset you aren't at a soccer practice, then you may be indicating to him in your interactions that you aren't comfortable with your decisions and trade-offs and he is picking up on that. My kids know that I love my job and that it energizes me in many ways. (I think) they like seeing me in that role and they would never make me feel guilty for not making to a practice. They are very aware that I work very hard to make it to (most) games and I think I've made it to all performances. But I would never attend a practice (DH has gone to a few because the sports development is just interesting to him - but only occasionally).

Hang in there!

Anonymous wrote:Mom with a “big career” here. Supportive husband who attends most of the school stuff.

He is amazing.

Just want to give credit to dads who rarely get it on DCUM. You guys are the best. My husband does it all, works, cooks, attends school events and basically keeps us going.

+1. Thank goodness for today’s dads. My DH is awesome and is the reason I can have a “medium” job

Anonymous wrote:Read Laura Vanderkam - her book, I Know How She Does It, and new podcast.

I was a SAHM mom for years and I rarely went to camp performances and I never would have gone to hang out at a practice. You really don't need to hit everything.

+1. The best if both worlds podcast really helps me.

I don't remember my parents having to come to week day school events at all-- I just don't remember those existing. My mom worked and I never really thought much of it. My daughter barely seems to notice either- she asked the other day if I work. That cracked me up since I'm always so stressed about work-life balance and she's barely even noticing!