Bribe her!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She isn’t going to “see reason”. If you embrace that it will be easier. It can still be a family rule she doesn’t agree with, but you can’t force someone to agree.

My kid doesn’t think they should have to unload the dishwasher. Nothing I tell them will change their perspective. They still need to unload the dishwasher.

OP here, I fear I didn’t make clear how dramatic her refusal is. We physically need to carry her out the door on Sundays. It’s strange and embarrassing. She’s mostly such a well-behaved child, I just don’t understand.

Have you tried a different church?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We go to church every Sunday. As a family. Non-negotiable, sorry. That’s how it’s always been. When my DD 15 moves out of the house she can skip church if she’d like, she can join a monastery for all I care, but right now she lives with us and every Sunday you better believe she will be at church with us. End of discussion!

But she won’t listen to reason. She’s insisting that she’s an “atheist” and that somehow means she should be exempt from the family rule. Not how it works! She says that church makes her uncomfortable and has said that she has issues with “religion being homophobic.” Well our church isn’t, the minister’s daughter is married to a woman! But I can’t persuade her. It’s always a fight, every single week, and I’m just exhausted. How do I make my daughter understand why this is required?

This is a tough one OP. We've had a similar rule and age 14-15 is where we've run into problems.

Does she have friends at church? Is there a youth group or Sunday school class for teens? This helps a lot. I've agreed to let mine skip church services if they go to Youth group, sunday school or something else instead.

Does her dad attend church with the family?

Supposedly, Dad in the home attending church regularly is the strongest indicator of whether teens, boys and girls both, attend church.

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An argument that got all my kids through that tern hump was that I posed this 2 part question to them, followed by my answer after they gave their answer.

The first question was, what happens if atheism is correct, and you still participate in our family's faith traditions without a fight? I let them answer, then say that if atheism is correct, you don't lose anything by attending. What you receive is a nice weekly tradition of a couple of hours spending time with our family, some really nice holiday traditions, a moral code that is just, kind, and reasonable, and a stronger grasp than most of your peers of world history, modern western law, and current events, through your understanding of Christianity and the Bible.

After they have a second to digest that, I then ask the second half of the question which is what if the atheists are wrong and I am correct? For this question, I don't say anything else and let them stew on it. 4 kids and that question tends to move them to silence, with wheels turning in their brains.

That combination of questions makes them stop and think in a way that transcends tiktok, social media, and their peers.

4/4 and after those 2 questions, I have never again gotten pushback from my teens about attending church with the family.

Anonymous wrote:We go to church every Sunday. As a family. Non-negotiable, sorry. That’s how it’s always been. When my DD 15 moves out of the house she can skip church if she’d like, she can join a monastery for all I care, but right now she lives with us and every Sunday you better believe she will be at church with us. End of discussion!

But she won’t listen to reason. She’s insisting that she’s an “atheist” and that somehow means she should be exempt from the family rule. Not how it works! She says that church makes her uncomfortable and has said that she has issues with “religion being homophobic.” Well our church isn’t, the minister’s daughter is married to a woman! But I can’t persuade her. It’s always a fight, every single week, and I’m just exhausted. How do I make my daughter understand why this is required?

Team mom


Hang in there mama!

Dude do you seriously carry your 15 year old DD to the car? Lady - you’re insane. And your daughter is a good kid - you better believe I would be embarrassing the heck out of you at church if I was your kid. Do you beat her too?

Anonymous wrote:Look if they are Catholic the parents are literally keeping their daughter from going to Hell by attending church. Their daughter could be eternally damned in a ring of fire if she does not go every Sunday.

Her parents need to be supported for their love and grace.

Nice try in the anti-Catholic bias here, but you need to work on your reading comprehension. The OP said the pastor’s daughter is married to a woman. Within that sentence are three reasons that OP clearly isn’t Catholic. Try understanding something before you malign it.

Anonymous wrote:If you’ve decided to die on this hill, it’s likely to remain a point of friction until she moves out. Sorry.

Until she moves out? It will be a point of friction for their entire lives. I would stop communicating with a mom who did this and I certainly wouldn’t bring her around my own kids when I had my own family.

Nothing annoys me more than parents who force religion with their kids. That’s a cult. Sorry

Why should she go to church if it causes such friction? What exactly are the benefits to her? You? God?

My dad fought this battle with my older sister every single Sunday and it was a nightmare for all involved. What horrid memories to give your family, OP.

Anonymous wrote:OP is nuts

I think you’re onto something.


OP — this is shocking! Carrying out a 15 year old — way to teach a kid that their opinions and feelings do not matter. And then when they grow up, will they be able to stand up for themselves?

You shoupd accept this will be a fight every Sunday until she moves out. Wake her up early to begin the fight and ensure you arrive on time.

What are you hoping to gain by making her go? Sounds like you have more to lose than to gain.

Having to go to church is not a reason! There's nothing reasonable about forcing your DD to attend church! Religion is a personal concept and she's old enough to have her own, instead of yours. You also just cannot make up rules. If you make up a family rule of running around naked every Sunday, and all kids have to participate, see how insane that sounds! You're abusive.

This is weird that going to church is more important than actually believing in the religion. Forcing her will just turn her away more from religion and you. If you didn’t instill the beliefs when she was younger, and now she says she believes in something else and feels comfortable telling you about that, that’s your fault and isn’t something you can change. Leave it alone . What your doing is abusive, I feel bad for your daughter.

I cant believe you carry her out the door! That is pretty bad. I can't imagine how this is impacting your other kids.

You need to have a conversation about why this is important to you with the WHOLE family. Come to a compromise as a family on an alternative activity depending on your goal if she still resists church.

If it is faith - maybe you just pray as a family. If it is community involvement maybe there is something else (food bank volunteer). Maybe you just want the family together so you compromise on a hike. I don't know, but this is a pretty strange hill to die on,

I am wondering if the daughter is being abused by someone at church and has told op. And op was like “no, a man of god would never!!”