Anonymous wrote:Men often breakup because they dated ling and lost interest, doesn't matter which excuse they give but they want to check out grass on the other side and they often marry someone less compatible on rebound.

This happened to me multiple times. female.

The posters saying the son wasted the girl's "peak years" by breaking up at 23 after three years are being absolutely ridiculous. They're young. No guy is obligated to marry a girl and have kids with her after getting together at 20. These two are what, a year out of college? So we are all obligated to marry our college sweethearts?

Having said that, sure, the OP has the right to grieve. But there is a lesson here. As others have said, until there's a ring on it they're not family and you can't forget that.

When people live together, logistical problems kill attraction and they think someone new wouldn't have these issues. Wishful thinking. When they live together after marriage, its not that easy to walk away so casually. They learn to deal with logistical problems and attraction fades slowly but by that time they have children and mortgage so things are more complex. Some still do but others don't.

*they dated for long

Men often breakup because they dated ling and lost interest, doesn't matter which excuse they give but they want to check out grass on the other side and they often marry someone less compatible on rebound.

I was sad when my son broke up with his girlfriend simply because I liked her. She's a fun person that I grew to enjoy and care for. If she came into my life as a neighbor or coworker and then left abruptly I'd feel the same way. Except in those scenarios I'd have the option to keep up communication. When it's a son's girlfriend it's pretty much over. Which is sad. Yes, people come into your life for a season but I like people and it's sad when a season with someone you care for is over. It honestly can feel like a death.

Looking back at my own life I feel the same way about a few boyfriends. They didn't turn out to be my husband or soulmate but they were decent, kind, generous, fun people. I often wish I could call them up and reconnect. Not because I still have romantic feelings for them or I want to start an affair but because I genuinely cared for them, enjoyed spending time with them and wonder how they're doing. Frankly, I like a few of these guys a whole lot more than many people I see on a regular basis now (not my husband but a number of other "regulars" in my life). It's a definite bummer that they're out there but are off limits. Such is life!

Well, I was deeply hurt and upset at first, and I wondered what my son had done to cause the obvious breakup after 3 years of her talking about marriage, their future kids, etc. He wouldn't tell me anything until late one night he decided to open up and tell me everything. I was horrified at the stuff he told me, as she was not at all the person I thought she was! Soon after, he discovered that she had cheated on him and lied to him repeatedly. I was devastated for my son but in my heart I knew he had dodged a bullet. She was a horrible person and probably a narcissist. I had been very nice and hospitable to her but never really got to know her very well at all. I'm sure wanted it that way..she hated his friends and probably disliked us too. Several times I almost framed their photo but something always stopped me and I thought I'd wait until they actually got engaged. Good riddance. She had very low morals and would never have fit in with our family. He's now in a much healthier, better relationship and he's so much happier.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone he'll date or marry is going to be nice, kind or lovable and that's okay as

they aren't in a relationship

with OP.

"that's okay" in the sense nobody can do anything about their child's choice of spouse, but it IS very much a relationship as well: it impacts every visit with your adult child, holiday, relationship with grandchildren. It actually matters very much. I think anyone who doesn't have a good relationship with in-laws gets that. Having nice in-laws (whether on the parent or child side of this) has a big impact on quality of life and it's okay to have feelings about it, try to have a good relationship and care about it all.

100%

Anonymous wrote:PP makes a good point. I was in fact sad when my DD broke up with her long time HS boyfriend. Several years have passed and she’s shared some details that make me not so sad. Keep it to yourself, listen to break up music on long private walks for an outlet if it helps. Be thankful you kid gained this experience of loving someone. But make sure your kid knows u support him.

boy that's true. what I heard after the fact from my DD after breaking up with her BF (who had been a family friend for years) was shocking. Suicide threats, sexual manipulation/abuse (example: if you don't sleep with me right now you don't love me and I'll kill myself). I'm not exaggerating, she is still recovering mentally. I had no idea this was going on - she was 18 So yeah, you don't know the full story as parents so just respect their decision and move on.

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone he'll date or marry is going to be nice, kind or lovable and that's okay as

they aren't in a relationship

with OP.

"that's okay" in the sense nobody can do anything about their child's choice of spouse, but it IS very much a relationship as well: it impacts every visit with your adult child, holiday, relationship with grandchildren. It actually matters very much. I think anyone who doesn't have a good relationship with in-laws gets that. Having nice in-laws (whether on the parent or child side of this) has a big impact on quality of life and it's okay to have feelings about it, try to have a good relationship and care about it all.

Not everyone he'll date or marry is going to be nice, kind or lovable and that's okay as they aren't in a relationship with OP.