Anonymous wrote:Your current perspective is highly influenced by a 1 and 3 year old. They are hard years! It seems you can never finish a task before someone needs something from you. This s is temporary and it will slow down. That said, my DH and I are 69 and 70 and life is good. We are both active, travel when we want, and are able and willing to help with our new baby grandchild. My only suggestion is to focus on your young family and your relationship with your spouse. The rest really isn’t that important.

Honestly, as a parent of young adults, I would rather trade these for the sweet years of taking care of a 1 and 3 year old. They are physically needy, but pretty emotionally easy. Cute and fun. The problems that can occur in late teenage, early adult years are bigger, more emotionally draining and largely out of your control. Enjoy your time now.

Mid 50s and largely happy with life. DH and I have our ups and downs but I'm generally content with my marriage and we are good partners. Kids are in college/new grad, doing well, and still like to spend time with us. I make time to see friends every week and my mom and sister recently moved to live near me so I get to see them regularly. I take a fun exercise class a few times a week and my health is excellent. I do a couple volunteer things that I can see ramping up when I retire. Financially on track to retire in four years but in the meantime I have a pretty easy well paid job that I like.

For me, the most important parts of being happy are having good relationships and maintaining your health (which is not always in your control). The early years with kids can be hard and isolating.

I just turned 55. My kids are both in their early 20s. I have a semi-empty nest. I've been single for 15 years. I have a thriving social life and am very happy. Many of my friends are 50s-60s (both partnered and not) and are also pretty happy.

Anonymous wrote:The wealthy #DINKWADS# seem to be living it up and loving life in their 60s and beyond but, like you, that ship has sailed for me so not sure what the best answer is.

The DINKWADS in my neighborhood all seem to retire in their 50s. If they work, it’s because they love their job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you have a narrow view of happiness? I am quite happy. I am 48.

Np, 48 and also quite happy. For what it’s worth, 30s were my least favorite decade. It’s when I had the most responsibility as far a bills, not yet hitting the mark professionally, childrearing and marriage.

Kids are now grown, I’m financially and professionally doing great, and I am divorced. I consider 40s as the sweet spot so far.

Most DCUM readers don’t have fully grown kids at mid-40s.

57 and recently retired. I am very happy when I’m able to block out the news. I still have a teen at home, and I love getting to spend more time with him, DH, and our friends. We see our adult children frequently. I have time for hours of daily exercise (walking, weights, and pilates), and as a PP said unlimited reading time, which is just as amazing as I always imagined it would be. Looking forward to traveling more when DH retires.

I will say that I’ve always been a basically happy person when not dealing with illnesses or grieving the loss of people I love. Even while working full time with 3 kids. There is research on the happiness set-point suggesting that most people default to a certain level throughout their lives.

^I will add: I am a person of faith. We live in a jealously selfish, secular, cynical society that happily pooh-poohs faith in anything other than self or technology, but I believe strongly that my faith and prayer are bedrocks of my happiness.

Anonymous wrote:Your current perspective is highly influenced by a 1 and 3 year old. They are hard years! It seems you can never finish a task before someone needs something from you. This s is temporary and it will slow down. That said, my DH and I are 69 and 70 and life is good. We are both active, travel when we want, and are able and willing to help with our new baby grandchild. My only suggestion is to focus on your young family and your relationship with your spouse. The rest really isn’t that important.

+2

The toddler years are really relentless - but, it’s true, you DO miss when they were young. (I have three kids: 11, 9, and 2, and although the little one is exhausting and demanding, I know through my experience that I will yearn for those little hands and that little voice.)

Having little kids is very tough, OP, but I think whether or not someone is happy mostly comes down to temperament. I am generally an upbeat, optimistic person so feel pretty happy. I know a few people who are naturally more pessimistic and/or melancholic and - guess what? - that sets the tone for their outlook.

Mid-50s and pretty, college paid for and done for kids who are all launched, house paid off, working but counting down to retirement (spouses job comes with health insurance for life for both of us - but we like our work and aren't quite ready to leave), helping to care for one set of elderly parents. We work out, work, go to concerts and host dinner parties. We travel, some on our own and some with the kids when they are able to join us.

Is everything perfect? No, but life is messy and sometimes chaotic and that's ok.

I’m 50 and have always been single. My DS graduated from college last year and is working FT. This is the first time in my life since becoming a parent that I’ve been truly happy. Before now, the financial part of being a single parent has always weighed me down. Now I finally have money for myself. I’ve started traveling again and don’t have to do a cost benefit analysis every time a friend invites me out to a meal or some activity. Life is good!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wealthy #DINKWADS# seem to be living it up and loving life in their 60s and beyond but, like you, that ship has sailed for me so not sure what the best answer is.

Well they won’t be so happy when they live to their 90s with the current state of longevity and there’s no one to look out for them

Not a good enough reason to have kids.

I am fifty-six and think this is the best I have lived for a very long time.

Though I would use the term “content” more often than say…..”happy.”

I mean, my kids are all grown and I live alone so no longer have to pick up after them.
My house is always clean ➕ quiet now which is wonderful after so many years of it being messy, loud and chaotic.
Lol.
Also I have more money now that I no longer have to support my kids so I now can afford a better car and I also can work more since I have no domestic commitments any longer.

My health is still perfect (knock on wood.)

Yet I feel down at times when I realize I am no longer young.
That I have accepted that a lot of my youthful dreams never came into fruition & that there are many aspects of my life that I need to accept will never change.
Not to sound pessimistic but having to give up on certain dreams for the future can bring me down often.

I have hit a life plateau of sorts >> meaning life is very stable now (as opposed to the past!), but while it is decent, etc. there is really no excitement to it.
No zest per se.
Stable but boring.

Anonymous wrote:HOW IN THE HELL CAN ANY OF YOU SERIOUSLY CLAIM HAPPINESS WHEN T-RUMPO IS STIIL IN THE WHITE HOUSE??!!?!?!

Well, you do have a great point, but there is nothing we can do but march, protest, boycott, and pray for a miracle + karma. The election may be too late to turn things around. So, meanwhile, we have to do our best to make our corners of the world a better place. OP, I just turned 70 + certainly never thought I would ever be this old. I am happier than I deserve, but I think I was born this way. Exercise + prayer or meditation are key. So are friends/family + trying to find things you like. My husband and I both grew up poor and are multi millionaires now. We have one grown child. We have advanced degrees from state schools...kid went to privates all the way.

Give yourself some grace. Motherhood can be stressful and lonely. Time does go fast though and you will find yourself again. Try to stay as connected to your partner and friends/family. Ask for help (I should have ask for more). Good luck + Godspeed. It's a new year...try to identify and enjoy at least one tiny thing each day.

Anonymous wrote:HOW IN THE HELL CAN ANY OF YOU SERIOUSLY CLAIM HAPPINESS WHEN T-RUMPO IS STIIL IN THE WHITE HOUSE??!!?!?!

Get a trip. And let go of caps lock, ffs!

HOW IN THE HELL CAN ANY OF YOU SERIOUSLY CLAIM HAPPINESS WHEN T-RUMPO IS STIIL IN THE WHITE HOUSE??!!?!?!