OP, is it possible you may have given away or lent these items to someone else, or perhaps a few people, and the fact that you lent them (or even gave them away) has slipped your mind or just been forgotten? Could you have taken them to a Goodwill (either an official location or one of their dumpsters) or put our for "trash & treasures" in your local community? It can be easy to forget things like this, especially if you were listening to loud music at the time or had your mind on something else. If the sister in question is a first responder or veteran you could at least give her some grace and/or say "thank you for your service."

This is why it’s dating. This is a huge red flag and move on before you get even more enmeshed. You may think he treats you well, but he isn’t, really.

There’s no way for your relationship with your boyfriend to progress. You can’t share a home with him. He won’t deny his sister access to his home, even if he shares the home with you. You’ll either have to live with klepto-sis taking your stuff, or you’ll have to make him choose. Will he choose you? I’m guessing at best he’d say she can’t come over but he’d sneak her in when you’re not home, and that will let him prove to her he’s still loyal to her. It’ll be awkward for their parents. At some point they’ll all say she changed and expect you to trust her and allow her full access. If you have kids, can you imagine her hanging out with them for an afternoon? Would she steal from the museum gift shop when she takes them for an outing? I couldn’t deal with all that. It would be different if he were supportive and took a stand against her theft, but this is weird. I can’t imagine it’s the only issue you’re going to run into with that family.

What an odd family.

When I was 23 and my (now) SIL was 17, she did the exact same thing.. except didn’t take small things. She took money a few times & car once. She mostly snuck alchohol. She did the same thing when caught.. would cry & beg for forgiveness. One day my MIL caught her drunk w/freinds, found out how she got the drinks, and ended up cancelling one of her senior activities as a consequence & it never happened again. She never did it maliciously, we’re best friends, but DH never excused what she did, and your boyfriend shouldn’t either. I’d talk with the parents & have a very serious conversation with your boyfriend about this.

That little girl has issues.. you did the right thing by not letting her into your home alone, now just don't let her in at all. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, distance yourself from these people, I know you can do way better.

I’d break up with all of them. In fact I would have done that the very first time he excused her stealing my stuff. After I get everything back. And yes tell the parents on the way out.

*but I am

I used to be a klepto as a teen. Now at 42 I am not. I can't remember when or how this changed buy I am trustworthy now.

This is a major red flag, and her family is enabling her.

This shows he doesn't stand up to her or set strong boundaries. She will end up having bigger issues that will become yours.

I personally would move on as he isn't going to bat and it will get worse with marriage, kids, and more complicated situations.

Not okay

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is not a kid. She will not grow out of stealing.
Break up. Get what stuff you can back first.
Don't let either in your home any more.
If you married she would steal credit cards, money, loot your house and her brother would let her.

She’s definitely grow and change a lot from now to 30.

People don't develop new personalities by the time they are 30. A thief at 19 will be a thief/liar at 30.

He's consistently defending you? Against what? He's not defending you against a situation he actually needs to defend you in. Why are you finding yourself in situations where he always has to protect and defend you?

Or, is this the class controlling boyfriend thing where he convinces you of situations like ..."oh your friend Emily is not a good friend at all. She's jealous and back stabbing. I'm just trying to look out for you. I just don't want you to get hurt".

Sounds like your boyfriend’s sister could be a common klepto.

All kidding aside, she is definitely overstepping her boundaries along w/being hugely disrespectful regarding your personal property.

Have you directly discussed this issue w/her?
If not, I strongly advise that you do so in a civil manner of course & see if it helps.

If she still continues w/her behavior then you might ask your boyfriend to step in ➕ have a word w/his sister.
He should be willing to do so and his current reasoning that it is not a “big deal” is troubling because it IS a big deal imo.

He seems to be dismissive of this issue which doesn’t bode well for his treatment of you.
A good, decent man should advocate more for you in a situation like this.

Good luck.

My sister stole from me for a long time. Things disappeared from my house, and later I spotted them at her house.

She has issues. They got so bad I had to cut off contact years ago.

This is what you're looking at if your boyfriend doesn't have your back and won't control his sibling. I couldn't control my sister either, so I cut off contact.