Anonymous wrote:Not all, but most. There are some that will get out of starter marriages but if they had kids in in those marriages then you're signing up for the blended family show (before you come for me I grew up in one).

I finished med school at 30 and did not want to get married before then. I can confidently say that once I was in the working world and a busy attending, I was astonished at how fast the quality of men dropped. I remember going out on an online date at 32 (ugh, I was so young) and having the guy tell me, on the date, that he had five children with his STBXW and also that he had been "robbed online" before our date and could I pay for dinner.

I'm sure there are hopeful stories out there but I talk with my DD about the timing of education/career goals/marriage, and if she wants to accomplish certain things about the importance of how she dates in her 20's. I don't want her married young. But the cute bartender with 8 tats and no goals isn't going to be the guy (unless he's tending bar at night and going to grad school during the day). It's harsh, and I know it sounds anti-feminist. But women have about ten years starting at age 20 to make decisions that will set the course of their lives re: finances, marriage, career, and children. Some strategy is required, unromantic as it may sound.

Anonymous wrote:Most men are not interested in dating women over the age of 30

Anonymous wrote:Yes, most men are taken by 30. They may not all be married with kids by then but already in a relationship with someone they met in grad school or in their twenties. By 35, most are married with kids, at least the ones who are family oriented.

The single never married ones will have their pick if they are attractive, smart and make a good living.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but about half of them will come back on the market again by 50

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Anonymous wrote:I met my STBX while in med school at age 28. The quality of men was already going down. We didn’t marry for a while and I had thoughts in my early 30s about going down a different path, but he was honestly the best of some really bad options.

In hindsight, I would tell myself and anyone I know that if you are on the market at 29/30 and want kids, it’s better to double down on your career and by a single mom by choice.

The truly good guys had things wrapped up and were tied down by 25/26.

I met my STBX at age 26 shortly after graduating law school and while working at a big law firm. I completely agree with you. Marrying was a huge mistake. I had so much going for me that this horrible man systematically pried from my fingers by simply refusing to do his share with the children and letting me get burnt out. I hope he burns in hell, but I advise any woman who has achieved a nice career for herself to understand that she is in the promised land.

For millennia, women married because that was the way to feed themselves and because they were traded like property. Now, we don't have to deal with men in order to survive and thrive anymore. Resist the propaganda about two-parent families. Most married families still have just one parent: the mom and the father is an appendage at best.

If you're able to achieve and feed yourself well, don't add some man to the mix.

This is so much easier to accept in your 40s than in your 20s and 30s when you are going to all your friends’ weddings and baby showers every weekend. We are all socialized to idealize getting married and having babies and no one idealizes being single and having a great career and a great life— even though in my own life I have seen the latter more than the former.

You are exactly right. The social pressure is immense in that late 20s to early 30s age, as is the stigma that suggests something is wrong with you if you haven't "landed" some man. It's awful. We as women need to help each other resist it. Instead, we're more often found giving tips on how to end up wasted on some man as soon as possible.

Don't forget all the Hallmark movies about the career woman coming back to her hometown for the Thanksgiving/Christmas holidays and throwing away her career to shack up with the still single wealthy town hunk. Ugh. More messaging telling women that their goal should be glitter and photo albums as a man's appendage.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I met my STBX while in med school at age 28. The quality of men was already going down. We didn’t marry for a while and I had thoughts in my early 30s about going down a different path, but he was honestly the best of some really bad options.

In hindsight, I would tell myself and anyone I know that if you are on the market at 29/30 and want kids, it’s better to double down on your career and by a single mom by choice.

The truly good guys had things wrapped up and were tied down by 25/26.

I met my STBX at age 26 shortly after graduating law school and while working at a big law firm. I completely agree with you. Marrying was a huge mistake. I had so much going for me that this horrible man systematically pried from my fingers by simply refusing to do his share with the children and letting me get burnt out. I hope he burns in hell, but I advise any woman who has achieved a nice career for herself to understand that she is in the promised land.

For millennia, women married because that was the way to feed themselves and because they were traded like property. Now, we don't have to deal with men in order to survive and thrive anymore. Resist the propaganda about two-parent families. Most married families still have just one parent: the mom and the father is an appendage at best.

If you're able to achieve and feed yourself well, don't add some man to the mix.

This is so much easier to accept in your 40s than in your 20s and 30s when you are going to all your friends’ weddings and baby showers every weekend. We are all socialized to idealize getting married and having babies and no one idealizes being single and having a great career and a great life— even though in my own life I have seen the latter more than the former.

You are exactly right. The social pressure is immense in that late 20s to early 30s age, as is the stigma that suggests something is wrong with you if you haven't "landed" some man. It's awful. We as women need to help each other resist it. Instead, we're more often found giving tips on how to end up wasted on some man as soon as possible.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know about "early thirties." But by late thirties ... yes, pretty much.

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Anonymous wrote:The trouble is "good" isn't good enough.

Men can be "good" and be lazy, unambitious or boring. This describes a lot of men and tonnes of women end up shackled to them.

Men can be sh*tty and sexy. The sheen quickly wears off these guys.

Men can be "sh*tty" and lazy, unambitious or boring. This is the biggest population. They are nobodies though occasionally they can nab a woman with low self-esteem.

Men can be good and sexy, but that is extremely rare, no matter the age. Obviously those guys get swept up fast and have a lot of options.

This was me. To expand on this, what I advise young women today in the modern western world is, spend your early and mid-twenties focusing on college and career and become self-sufficient by mid to late twenties. Then choose to become a single mom by 30, with a guy who has whatever traits you might want in your potential kids (attractiveness, intelligence, morals, whatever). That might be the tatted up bartender a PP mentioned, or a neurosurgeon or anything in between. Once you have a kid or kids, you then have decades to find your "soulmate", there is no rush because you already have kids, and if you find a soulmate great, if not you can invest your time and energy into your family. There is no law saying the father of your kids has to be your husband, your soulmate--it's just convention. A convention that no longer makes sense in a world where women are outpacing men at every turn and fewer men make the cut.

This is a wonderful guide for dying alone.

Or finding a guy with no options other than dating a single mom.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but about half of them will come back on the market again by 50

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Anonymous wrote:For the most part YES. I think women are better off deprioritizing dating after this time frame and building a wonderful life on their own. If some awesome dude comes along fine. If not, so what your life is still awesome. I run across too many women complaining about the crap quality of men at this stage and not living their full lives.

They're complaining because they don't want to face the reality that they're not so great themselves. Hence, they're single in their 30s/40s.

NP. That's one possibility. The other possibility is that sons raised by people like you really do suck.

Yep, that's one possibility. The other possibility is that a lot of women want to blame everyone but themselves for their frustrations. No accountability. You see it all over this board.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the most part YES. I think women are better off deprioritizing dating after this time frame and building a wonderful life on their own. If some awesome dude comes along fine. If not, so what your life is still awesome. I run across too many women complaining about the crap quality of men at this stage and not living their full lives.

They're complaining because they don't want to face the reality that they're not so great themselves. Hence, they're single in their 30s/40s.

NP. That's one possibility. The other possibility is that sons raised by people like you really do suck.