Anonymous wrote:Apparently DC went to the counselor and told that spouse is screaming at them during arguments. Now I am worried this will start a report on our family. For what is worth we are both immigrant and in our country yelling at a child would not be considered crazy but I know for anglo people this is a big deal. I am terrified

"First rule of fight club . . . . "

Anonymous wrote:Apparently DC went to the counselor and told that spouse is screaming at them during arguments. Now I am worried this will start a report on our family. For what is worth we are both immigrant and in our country yelling at a child would not be considered crazy but I know for anglo people this is a big deal. I am terrified

Tine to rely on the Rule of Thumb.

anglo people?

why do you think screaming at a child who you are supposed to teach and guide is the right thing to do? How do you think screaming will "help" the situation or make child care about you or what you're saying? just because you were brainwashed into thinking abuse is ok doesn't mean you have to continue to think so. Wake up mama.

Anonymous wrote:Apparently DC went to the counselor and told that spouse is screaming at them during arguments. Now I am worried this will start a report on our family. For what is worth we are both immigrant and in our country yelling at a child would not be considered crazy but I know for anglo people this is a big deal. I am terrified

It's not abuse that will get the kid taken away but it could be verbal and emotional abuse, which is just as scarring.

It's one thing to yell once in awhile and apologize after for how you handled it (where warranted). It's another to constantly scream at your child.

My father was like this. And though he did hit us sometimes and withheld affection as punishment, it was incredibly damaging. And it modeled his behavior, which took a long time to get past. I have not spoken to him in over 20 years as a result of his actions.

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't sound like you actually care about how your kid feels, you're just concerned about getting in trouble. That's really, really sad.

I had this feeling too, that the OP is complaining about stress and the concern of CPS, but not aware of what is going on with DC. I think OP may be self-centered to be so focused on her own stress.

There is some good advice here about leading with empathy and considering what it means to be raising a child in a hybrid culture. There is also some good advice here about reconsidering if an approach isn't working and getting new tools.

The fact DC is talking to someone else about this suggests this situation is not just one of a different culture, but something more serious and OP needs to start thinking about the perspective of the DC and less her own self-centered response.

Re CPS--I disagree with some of what has been said. CPS involvement will depend on what DC said and how counselor took what was said and how insanely busy CPS is in your jurisdiction. Keep in mind that most school's guidance counselors are mandatory reporters, so if they hear that the situation is abusive, they are required to report it. Screaming is a gray area. Loud voices is not abusive. But being sworn or cursed at or called names or belittled is crossing a line. I would not categorically assume that CPS will not receive a report and nor would I assume that they will receive a report. (Also keep in mind that CPS may or may not act on that report, it depends on their workload.)

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you're Indian (you used the word "Anglo"), now is a good time as any to reflect and ask your DH to keep calm if your kid acts out - I know of one family where the father hit his kid, neighbor saw it and reported to CPS and the father was in jail for child abuse.

In another instance, kid acted out, mom hit the teen, and kid reported and the family had to move back to India to stay together. Kid hated it there.

Funny, I thinking of Latino heritage. Indians don't run around their house calling Americans "Anglos."

-Indian

OP, if you're Indian (you used the word "Anglo"), now is a good time as any to reflect and ask your DH to keep calm if your kid acts out - I know of one family where the father hit his kid, neighbor saw it and reported to CPS and the father was in jail for child abuse.

In another instance, kid acted out, mom hit the teen, and kid reported and the family had to move back to India to stay together. Kid hated it there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is being raised in this culture, so it’s not ok to scream at them. I’m not sure it’s ever ok, but I digress. If cps shows up, just be open and honest and do whatever parenting classes they suggest.

Oh please. Like this culture doesn’t scream. Americans are among the loudest people in the world. Yelled is a better word for it. Even teachers yell. Parents yell and don’t believe half of these posters who claim they have ever yelled.

Some kids are more sensitive to screaming while others can easily ignore it. This child is sensitive and can’t be screamed at.

Yelling is different than screaming. Screaming is out of control