Anonymous
Post 02/06/2026 13:34     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I confronted him with proof and he immediately went into 10 hours (literally) of telling me everything. 2+ years later I still haven't found out anything he did not tell me that first night so no trickle truthing. His entire demeanor changed like you could actually see the weight of his secret life being lifted off him.


And then what?

NP but who had a similar experience.

What do you mean “And then what?”

And then he went to therapy to exorcise his demons, made reparations, was remorseful, and lives every day fully invested. Life moved on.


Yeah right.

Um, yes. You don’t have to believe it, but we are still happily married.


As a longtime reader of this forum, the chances that your spouse was truly remorseful and will never do it again and you can rebuild are minimal. I mean, it’s certainly possible, but we’ve seen so many women here who reconcile and stay with their cheater husband for years before he falls apart again.

Our situation was pretty unique and layered and nuanced, but his remorse is sincere. Our marriage isn’t the same marriage it was before, it’s different, and it’s better.

I realize it is always a possibility he will stray again, but I also know that’s true for anyone. It’s a risk I’m willing to take with a man I’ve built a life with. Everyone has secrets and demons, and you never know if or how they’ll come to the surface one day.


Everyone thinks their relationship is “unique and layered and nuanced” and it probably is because relationships are unique. And you are taking an extra risk by staying with a man who has cheated before. That’s something that’s broken in him and a way he coped. Maybe he is reformed but the odds are just depressingly low.


And every AP thinks their affair was so unique and meant to be and unavoidable/justifiable. Blah blah blah
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2026 11:24     Subject: Re:Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:My stbx (filed recently) has this funny thing where he somehow believes lies of omission are OK, but direct lies make him feel guilty. (Adultery is OK as long as you don't lie too hard about it guys!) So for his first affair ten years ago, he confessed after about five minutes. However, he left out the whole physical affair part (and did deny it when asked), so there were a couple of weeks of trickle truthing.

This time around, he left suddenly a year ago with some vague words about being unhappy. And since it was clearly over, I didn't try too hard to figure out the "why" . . . I think I was relieved. But after six weeks an acquaintance reached out to say he'd heard we were separated and was there any chance my husband and his wife . . . And we put that together quickly (not least of all because my stbx had forgotten to stop sharing his location with me until I asked). We decided that I would do the confronting because his wife is a very committed liar.

It took me 30 seconds to get a confession. Basically I just said, "I know you are and how I know doesn't matter" and I just let it hang in the air. He knows better than to try to outwit me.

Hilariously, her husband waited three weeks to confront her at therapy, and in that time my husband didn't warn her that I knew. So he said, "I know you're sleeping with him," and she denied denied denied, and finally she said, "I don't know where you think you're getting your information from" and he said, "from what he told his wife." Ha ha ha. Mic drop.

Anyway, a year has passed and I am so happy to be off the merry go round. They're still together, though she's never admitted it. She goes to a church where they would rebuke her for the sin of adultery so I guess that's why. I'd rather a) not a be a hypocrite and b) not go to a church that would involve itself in my sex life. But that's just me.

I will say that my stbx's relative lack of gaslighting has made coparenting easier. I We are able to sit together at events, share rides, chat casually, text about random stuff, etc. His girlfriend and her ex are not able to do those things. And I can understand why her blame shifting and lying to him to this very day make it impossible to be chummy.


Churchy adulterers are the worst.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2026 10:29     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I want to hate and disagree w you soooooo bad.

Ugh!

I'm the pp. Sorry you feel that way. I hope you'll learn to reflect some day. I wish you the best.


Serious question. Why not divorce?


I appreciate the serious question without snide comment.
She's a 9 out of 10 for being a wonderful person. Very refined. Mother of my children. Still incredibly beautiful and sexy after all these years. We also are still very much in Love. We still have sex, but she's beyond vanilla and is selfish in bed. I cheat ONLY for the sex. I didn't take cheating lightly; it was after 20 years of not having my needs met.



“No matter the gender, if you don't Love your spouse enough to do ANYTHING and with enthusiasm on your face for the one you supposedly love, then you're just a DUD”

Hi ! I’m the PP who wanted to disagree.
Don’t need prospective as I’ve often heard similar.
But dayum why not just tell your wife ?



Because his beautiful sexy refined wife will dump his sorry butt
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2026 07:41     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I want to hate and disagree w you soooooo bad.

Ugh!

I'm the pp. Sorry you feel that way. I hope you'll learn to reflect some day. I wish you the best.


Serious question. Why not divorce?


I appreciate the serious question without snide comment.
She's a 9 out of 10 for being a wonderful person. Very refined. Mother of my children. Still incredibly beautiful and sexy after all these years. We also are still very much in Love. We still have sex, but she's beyond vanilla and is selfish in bed. I cheat ONLY for the sex. I didn't take cheating lightly; it was after 20 years of not having my needs met.



“No matter the gender, if you don't Love your spouse enough to do ANYTHING and with enthusiasm on your face for the one you supposedly love, then you're just a DUD”

Hi ! I’m the PP who wanted to disagree.
Don’t need prospective as I’ve often heard similar.
But dayum why not just tell your wife ?



Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 23:42     Subject: Re:Did your spouse confess?
I appreciate the serious question without snide comment.
She's a 9 out of 10 for being a wonderful person. Very refined. Mother of my children. Still incredibly beautiful and sexy after all these years. We also are still very much in Love. We still have sex, but she's beyond vanilla and is selfish in bed. I cheat ONLY for the sex. I didn't take cheating lightly; it was after 20 years of not having my needs met.


Let’s be real - you cheat because you are a completely degenerate POS who. Should be left at the curb with the trash. Every person on this forum is feeling so so sorry for your wife, and every other woman you use.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 21:20     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:

"
My xH cheated multiple times despite me wanting sex with him regularly. In fact, I could barely get him to have sex with me - he'd do it once or twice a month to shut me up. He preferred sitting downstairs sexting other women on his phone.

And no, I didn't get fat, didn't let myself go, none of that. The women he cheated with were all fatter, uglier, and older than me (caught him pursuing women as old as 70 when he was early 40s!). I could have been a Victoria's Secret model and slid down a stripper pole, and he wouldn't have been interested.


That's on you x-wife, thinking all you have to do is look good.

I cheat on my wife. She enjoys sex also and is willing to partake with me. Of course she enjoys it, I do all the initiating, I give her oral until she O's and always an expression on my face and words that tell her how much I love doing it even though practically every time I get a pubic hair stuck in my throat, 100% of the time in her 'approved' positions, only during the mornings when she wants it, only on the days that she wants it, only in the location she wants it, only the sex acts she wants.

I on the other hand can't do my fav positions because it's 'uncomfortable' or 'hurts'. Whereas I think the truth is she finds them too dominant. She can't give me blowjobs because she has a 'small mouth' , but never once lovingly and sexily just licks it. I tried to do a play night and sexily tried trimming her pubic hair, she broke down crying. Can't do it at night because then she can't sleep, whereas I think she's just too lazy to go pee afterwards. Can't do it in nature because we might be seen, even though we're the only ones around for 10 miles. She thinks I'm a trained monkey and shouldn't tell her anymore what I need in our sex lives or she'll get hurt and cry.

So yeah, I F*** every woman I get a chance to. In my mind you kind of women have near zero rights to complain about your husbands stepping out. I have to admit though, plenty of husbands must also be a sex downer or there wouldn't be all these married women for me to romance. No matter the gender, if you don't Love your spouse enough to do ANYTHING and with enthusiasm on your face for the one you supposedly love, then you're just a DUD


We all have less faith in humanity after reading your description of yourself. As a man, I can’t fathom how horrible the women are that destroy their men, then their marriage and finally their self respect to be with someone like you.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 21:19     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As a faithful husband I read all these stories about wives forgiving and staying with their POS hubbies and I feel like I am missing something lol..Maybe I should have an affair too cause DW will probably forgive me.

Nah she is the perfect woman for me. There is nothing another woman can/will offer me that my wife hasn't/won't offer me.

Cheating is rarely about finding someone better; it’s far more often connected to unresolved personal trauma or unmet internal needs. [b]The psychology behind it is complex, and framing it otherwise overlooks a substantial body of research on the subject.

So no, not everyone would cheat. Individuals with a stable internal framework generally don’t. But the motivations behind it are still understandable, even to those who would never make that choice.
It's not complex at all. Most people cheat for sex. The fill in the gap for the lack of sex in their relationship. That's a simple desire. The motivation to cheat is not complex. Substantial body of research my a$$. Cheaters aren't talking to "researchers."

A rational post finally. Btw I find cheating abhorrent. However I agree with you regarding why people cheat. There’s no “psychology” behind it. When two people of opposite gender meet in isolation, many times (not always) leads to sex
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 20:46     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:

"
My xH cheated multiple times despite me wanting sex with him regularly. In fact, I could barely get him to have sex with me - he'd do it once or twice a month to shut me up. He preferred sitting downstairs sexting other women on his phone.

And no, I didn't get fat, didn't let myself go, none of that. The women he cheated with were all fatter, uglier, and older than me (caught him pursuing women as old as 70 when he was early 40s!). I could have been a Victoria's Secret model and slid down a stripper pole, and he wouldn't have been interested.


That's on you x-wife, thinking all you have to do is look good.

I cheat on my wife. She enjoys sex also and is willing to partake with me. Of course she enjoys it, I do all the initiating, I give her oral until she O's and always an expression on my face and words that tell her how much I love doing it even though practically every time I get a pubic hair stuck in my throat, 100% of the time in her 'approved' positions, only during the mornings when she wants it, only on the days that she wants it, only in the location she wants it, only the sex acts she wants.

I on the other hand can't do my fav positions because it's 'uncomfortable' or 'hurts'. Whereas I think the truth is she finds them too dominant. She can't give me blowjobs because she has a 'small mouth' , but never once lovingly and sexily just licks it. I tried to do a play night and sexily tried trimming her pubic hair, she broke down crying. Can't do it at night because then she can't sleep, whereas I think she's just too lazy to go pee afterwards. Can't do it in nature because we might be seen, even though we're the only ones around for 10 miles. She thinks I'm a trained monkey and shouldn't tell her anymore what I need in our sex lives or she'll get hurt and cry.

So yeah, I F*** every woman I get a chance to. In my mind you kind of women have near zero rights to complain about your husbands stepping out. I have to admit though, plenty of husbands must also be a sex downer or there wouldn't be all these married women for me to romance. No matter the gender, if you don't Love your spouse enough to do ANYTHING and with enthusiasm on your face for the one you supposedly love, then you're just a DUD



Quote Box Fail, but:

First, I was responding to PP who said men cheat because they don’t get enough sex. Now the goalposts have moved to “doesn’t have kinky enough sex”.

Okay, fine. In response to that:

- I was fine with any and all positions. He was pretty “small”, so no pain there.

- No issues with “dominance”, in fact I like it.

- No issues with BJs, loved giving them.

- No problems doing it at night, in the morning, any day, any style.

- Never once cried because I was “hurt” or whatever.

The reality is that people who want to cheat will come up with any excuse to justify the cheating. For my xH, it was not about frequency or intensity of sex.

As a different PP said, it was about his own trauma related to his childhood and an unstable internal system. He disliked himself and had low self-esteem, and his coping mechanism was to get ego boosts from other women. Many of the women he pursued were not even women he would want sex with; I highly doubt he wanted to have sex with women old enough to be his grandma. He just wanted the validation. He’ll even own up to it, and has told me himself after quite a bit of therapy that he is just broken and compulsively engages in acts that temporarily numb him (substance abuse and phone addiction were also problems).

It doesn’t matter if someone will fulfill your every fantasy. If you’re broken inside, you will come up with any and every excuse to justify the cheating.

As you’ve perfectly demonstrated here, cheaters just keep moving the goalposts further and further to rationalize it to themselves.

I’m with an incredible man now who would never cheat, because the quality of his character is that he doesn’t seek external validation, he doesn’t hurt people, and we talk openly whenever there is a problem in our relationship. He doesn’t run after someone else and justify it with “but you didn’t XYZ!”

Also, have to point out the irony that you criticize your wife for only having sex in a very specific way, yet you yourself only want sex in a very specific way and use that to justify cheating. Pot, meet kettle.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 20:45     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:

"
My xH cheated multiple times despite me wanting sex with him regularly. In fact, I could barely get him to have sex with me - he'd do it once or twice a month to shut me up. He preferred sitting downstairs sexting other women on his phone.

And no, I didn't get fat, didn't let myself go, none of that. The women he cheated with were all fatter, uglier, and older than me (caught him pursuing women as old as 70 when he was early 40s!). I could have been a Victoria's Secret model and slid down a stripper pole, and he wouldn't have been interested.


That's on you x-wife, thinking all you have to do is look good.

I cheat on my wife. She enjoys sex also and is willing to partake with me. Of course she enjoys it, I do all the initiating, I give her oral until she O's and always an expression on my face and words that tell her how much I love doing it even though practically every time I get a pubic hair stuck in my throat, 100% of the time in her 'approved' positions, only during the mornings when she wants it, only on the days that she wants it, only in the location she wants it, only the sex acts she wants.

I on the other hand can't do my fav positions because it's 'uncomfortable' or 'hurts'. Whereas I think the truth is she finds them too dominant. She can't give me blowjobs because she has a 'small mouth' , but never once lovingly and sexily just licks it. I tried to do a play night and sexily tried trimming her pubic hair, she broke down crying. Can't do it at night because then she can't sleep, whereas I think she's just too lazy to go pee afterwards. Can't do it in nature because we might be seen, even though we're the only ones around for 10 miles. She thinks I'm a trained monkey and shouldn't tell her anymore what I need in our sex lives or she'll get hurt and cry.

So yeah, I F*** every woman I get a chance to. In my mind you kind of women have near zero rights to complain about your husbands stepping out. I have to admit though, plenty of husbands must also be a sex downer or there wouldn't be all these married women for me to romance. No matter the gender, if you don't Love your spouse enough to do ANYTHING and with enthusiasm on your face for the one you supposedly love, then you're just a DUD


Why did you marry a woman with whom you’ve not physically compatible? Sounds like you were desperate.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 20:15     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I confronted him with proof and he immediately went into 10 hours (literally) of telling me everything. 2+ years later I still haven't found out anything he did not tell me that first night so no trickle truthing. His entire demeanor changed like you could actually see the weight of his secret life being lifted off him.


And then what?


And then I said we're getting divorced. He became suicidal. I stayed because I couldnt let my toddler and preschooler be with a suicidal person half the time. He got stable, I kicked him out, got unstable- dui, lost his job, and has been unemployed for 6 months.


Vacation Wife?
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 20:06     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I want to hate and disagree w you soooooo bad.

Ugh!

I'm the pp. Sorry you feel that way. I hope you'll learn to reflect some day. I wish you the best.


Serious question. Why not divorce?


I appreciate the serious question without snide comment.
She's a 9 out of 10 for being a wonderful person. Very refined. Mother of my children. Still incredibly beautiful and sexy after all these years. We also are still very much in Love. We still have sex, but she's beyond vanilla and is selfish in bed. I cheat ONLY for the sex. I didn't take cheating lightly; it was after 20 years of not having my needs met.

Does she know you like to stick it in strange?
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 19:37     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I want to hate and disagree w you soooooo bad.

Ugh!

I'm the pp. Sorry you feel that way. I hope you'll learn to reflect some day. I wish you the best.


Serious question. Why not divorce?


I appreciate the serious question without snide comment.
She's a 9 out of 10 for being a wonderful person. Very refined. Mother of my children. Still incredibly beautiful and sexy after all these years. We also are still very much in Love. We still have sex, but she's beyond vanilla and is selfish in bed. I cheat ONLY for the sex. I didn't take cheating lightly; it was after 20 years of not having my needs met.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 16:33     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

"My xH cheated multiple times despite me wanting sex with him regularly. In fact, I could barely get him to have sex with me - he'd do it once or twice a month to shut me up. He preferred sitting downstairs sexting other women on his phone.

And no, I didn't get fat, didn't let myself go, none of that. The women he cheated with were all fatter, uglier, and older than me (caught him pursuing women as old as 70 when he was early 40s!). I could have been a Victoria's Secret model and slid down a stripper pole, and he wouldn't have been interested.


That's on you x-wife, thinking all you have to do is look good.

I cheat on my wife. She enjoys sex also and is willing to partake with me. Of course she enjoys it, I do all the initiating, I give her oral until she O's and always an expression on my face and words that tell her how much I love doing it even though practically every time I get a pubic hair stuck in my throat, 100% of the time in her 'approved' positions, only during the mornings when she wants it, only on the days that she wants it, only in the location she wants it, only the sex acts she wants.

I on the other hand can't do my fav positions because it's 'uncomfortable' or 'hurts'. Whereas I think the truth is she finds them too dominant. She can't give me blowjobs because she has a 'small mouth' , but never once lovingly and sexily just licks it. I tried to do a play night and sexily tried trimming her pubic hair, she broke down crying. Can't do it at night because then she can't sleep, whereas I think she's just too lazy to go pee afterwards. Can't do it in nature because we might be seen, even though we're the only ones around for 10 miles. She thinks I'm a trained monkey and shouldn't tell her anymore what I need in our sex lives or she'll get hurt and cry.

So yeah, I F*** every woman I get a chance to. In my mind you kind of women have near zero rights to complain about your husbands stepping out. I have to admit though, plenty of husbands must also be a sex downer or there wouldn't be all these married women for me to romance. No matter the gender, if you don't Love your spouse enough to do ANYTHING and with enthusiasm on your face for the one you supposedly love, then you're just a DUD


The other poster called you a pig but this just sounds like mental illness to me.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 16:27     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:
I want to hate and disagree w you soooooo bad.

Ugh!

I'm the pp. Sorry you feel that way. I hope you'll learn to reflect some day. I wish you the best.


Serious question. Why not divorce?
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 16:23     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:

"
My xH cheated multiple times despite me wanting sex with him regularly. In fact, I could barely get him to have sex with me - he'd do it once or twice a month to shut me up. He preferred sitting downstairs sexting other women on his phone.

And no, I didn't get fat, didn't let myself go, none of that. The women he cheated with were all fatter, uglier, and older than me (caught him pursuing women as old as 70 when he was early 40s!). I could have been a Victoria's Secret model and slid down a stripper pole, and he wouldn't have been interested.


That's on you x-wife, thinking all you have to do is look good.

I cheat on my wife. She enjoys sex also and is willing to partake with me. Of course she enjoys it, I do all the initiating, I give her oral until she O's and always an expression on my face and words that tell her how much I love doing it even though practically every time I get a pubic hair stuck in my throat, 100% of the time in her 'approved' positions, only during the mornings when she wants it, only on the days that she wants it, only in the location she wants it, only the sex acts she wants.

I on the other hand can't do my fav positions because it's 'uncomfortable' or 'hurts'. Whereas I think the truth is she finds them too dominant. She can't give me blowjobs because she has a 'small mouth' , but never once lovingly and sexily just licks it. I tried to do a play night and sexily tried trimming her pubic hair, she broke down crying. Can't do it at night because then she can't sleep, whereas I think she's just too lazy to go pee afterwards. Can't do it in nature because we might be seen, even though we're the only ones around for 10 miles. She thinks I'm a trained monkey and shouldn't tell her anymore what I need in our sex lives or she'll get hurt and cry.

So yeah, I F*** every woman I get a chance to. In my mind you kind of women have near zero rights to complain about your husbands stepping out. I have to admit though, plenty of husbands must also be a sex downer or there wouldn't be all these married women for me to romance. No matter the gender, if you don't Love your spouse enough to do ANYTHING and with enthusiasm on your face for the one you supposedly love, then you're just a DUD

Pigs will be pigs, as this poster exemplifies.