Anonymous wrote:Curious about what you're hearing from your freshman and if they're happy and feeling connected.
Mine is not and I am trying not to worry. I know it's early.
This is an historically very social kid who is finding that a large number of other girls are just not nice and will outright reject invitations to meet (dinner, coffee, etc)
Roommate is having a similar experience per the roommate's mom who I reached out to in desperation (wanting to know if what my kid was sharing was true or embellished for sympathy or ?) Turns out relayed the exact same things without me even suggesting them.
UGH.

Sorry op. It can be normal for some but some kids get lucky or go to school where they already know many kids. Encourage your kid to join clubs and join all things she can asap to meet kids and hopefully she will find one or two friends through that. Schools are not doing enough to help kids. I am hearing this from many parents. Her confidence is probably down now which will make it more difficult. Is she athletic? Encourage her to go to the gym. I met girls at the gym. Also other clubs or activities she can join? Encourage her not to get discouraged or take it personally when others say no and to keep trying.

One more thing for lonely kiddos to keep in mind:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DNiWIk3Aqjh/?igsh=MTN3emc3bXoxNTFscA==

Maybe I shouldn't be surprised, but DD's closest new friend at her OOS public is from the rival of her MCPS high school. They don't have any mutual friends but I guess there is comfort in having similar backgrounds.

Another vote for joining clubs or extracurricular activities. My freshman son joined one fairly time-intensive group plus two other more casual groups. It's been great on so many levels. He's met a bunch of people - clicks with some better than others, of course, and really strong friendships take time - but at least he has people to hang out with. Since they met through a group, not just random hallway assignments, they know they have at least one strong common interest. And sometimes it's nice just to have a place to go and something to do. Some of them attend school events as a club, so he has a built-in group to go to the football game with, or whatever. And they arrange social outings like going for a hike or a game of ultimate frisbee.

My kid went to his instate flagship and seems to be mostly hanging out with his four friends from high school. I guess that is ok but I worry that he is missing the opportunity to make new friends in these first months when that's the time to make friends. He sounds happy, so that's good.

NP. Yes, my freshman has apparently made a few friends with whom she goes to meals with, etc.
But the reason I wanted to weigh in is because I think there is a variety of approaches that colleges take to orientation.
I was really interested in Haverford College's orientation week which seems to really focus on fostering new friendships and a sense of belonging; my DC did not apply though, simply because she wanted to attend a bigger school. DC was interested in McGill but their orientation is mainly a weekend that apparently focuses on going out to clubs/bars in the city. Since she isn't the kind of person who is proactive about meeting new people, I didn't think she could make friends easily in that situation. For unrelated reasons she opted for another university and I was relieved that it has a very robust orientation week (also "dry"); the many activities have given her chances to get to know other kids--though mainly in her dorm at this point.

Anonymous wrote:My DS seems to be settling in with a group, but it’s all fellow football players. It’s not surprising because of all the time they spend together and the fact they did fall camp together before classes started. But I had hoped he would really connect with non athletes to maximize his experience. Hopefully will get better over time.

Don’t worry. He’s definitely “connecting” with a lot of non athlete girls.

My DS seems to be settling in with a group, but it’s all fellow football players. It’s not surprising because of all the time they spend together and the fact they did fall camp together before classes started. But I had hoped he would really connect with non athletes to maximize his experience. Hopefully will get better over time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman daughter says she met and knows a ton of people, but doesn't feel she has a solidified close friend or friend group yet. Roommate is nice and they get along. It's early days and hoping she makes some deeper connections in her classes and when activities start up. She constantly goes out to events, club info sessions and parties. I told her it takes time to settle in. Her school has rush second semester and that is another opportunity down the road. She is busy and happy enough, but is the kind of kid who seeks strong friendships so I hope that materializes sooner rather than later

Strong friendships take time.

Same here. my daughter left high school with 6 friends that she'll know until she's 80. Looking for the same in college and knows it will take time but in the meantime she's lonely. She's met a million people and has had a ton of coffee dates and meals with new friends (girls) but having a hard time finding those she really clicks with.

Anonymous wrote:My freshman daughter says she met and knows a ton of people, but doesn't feel she has a solidified close friend or friend group yet. Roommate is nice and they get along. It's early days and hoping she makes some deeper connections in her classes and when activities start up. She constantly goes out to events, club info sessions and parties. I told her it takes time to settle in. Her school has rush second semester and that is another opportunity down the road. She is busy and happy enough, but is the kind of kid who seeks strong friendships so I hope that materializes sooner rather than later

Strong friendships take time.

I have seen those large friend groups in the first few weeks. How often do they last for 4 years and beyond?

My freshman daughter says she met and knows a ton of people, but doesn't feel she has a solidified close friend or friend group yet. Roommate is nice and they get along. It's early days and hoping she makes some deeper connections in her classes and when activities start up. She constantly goes out to events, club info sessions and parties. I told her it takes time to settle in. Her school has rush second semester and that is another opportunity down the road. She is busy and happy enough, but is the kind of kid who seeks strong friendships so I hope that materializes sooner rather than later

Anonymous wrote:Curious about what you're hearing from your freshman and if they're happy and feeling connected.
Mine is not and I am trying not to worry. I know it's early.
This is an historically very social kid who is finding that a large number of other girls are just not nice and will outright reject invitations to meet (dinner, coffee, etc)
Roommate is having a similar experience per the roommate's mom who I reached out to in desperation (wanting to know if what my kid was sharing was true or embellished for sympathy or ?) Turns out relayed the exact same things without me even suggesting them.
UGH.

Way too early to worry. They'll make friends in classes, clubs, or a PT job in a place with lots of other students (one of mine works in a coffee shop, and one is a lifeguard on campus). Oldest made lifelong friends with roommates from freshman year, youngest parted with their roommate after year one, never to be seen again - roomed with people of their choice years 2 and 3 (the same people).

Every kid is different