Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a big q is whether a commute will hurt your ability to be successful in your job or mean a sacrifice to ever seeing your kid. Some people have a 9-5 and they can drop kid at school, commute in and be back for dinner. If you start extremely early (finance) or finish at 6/7 then imo you can’t easily make burbs work AND the job and still get any family time. This is the issue with nyc is that the closest burb is still 1h commute at least

Most people don’t go into the office everyday and do a full day. Also, you have weekends and vacations. Parachoial schools are half the price, and even less costly in the burbs. Most importantly, your husband is not working at all. This seems like a pretty easy problem in my opinion.

I would dispute that most people at that income level don’t have a full day of work every day. You don’t get to high six figures without most days being fairly intense - whether in office or not. My dh makes mid six figures and he is not clocking off at 430 to jump on an hour long train ride any day of the week.

Anonymous wrote:Our HHI is 900k with 2 in private school—$100k total in tuition. Keep in mind, the $100k is after tax money (so you need $200k before tax to cover it.) My husband earns the lions share of kid income, and my salary (after tax) doesn’t even cover the tuition. We have a $9k per month mortgage, about $1800 in car payments each month…and of course lots of other stuff. I’d say at the $900k HHI it’s pretty comfortable with 2 kids in private but we aren’t going to be joining a country club or buying a second house any time soon.

That was supposed to say lions share of OUR income

Our HHI is 900k with 2 in private school—$100k total in tuition. Keep in mind, the $100k is after tax money (so you need $200k before tax to cover it.) My husband earns the lions share of kid income, and my salary (after tax) doesn’t even cover the tuition. We have a $9k per month mortgage, about $1800 in car payments each month…and of course lots of other stuff. I’d say at the $900k HHI it’s pretty comfortable with 2 kids in private but we aren’t going to be joining a country club or buying a second house any time soon.

Anonymous wrote:I think a big q is whether a commute will hurt your ability to be successful in your job or mean a sacrifice to ever seeing your kid. Some people have a 9-5 and they can drop kid at school, commute in and be back for dinner. If you start extremely early (finance) or finish at 6/7 then imo you can’t easily make burbs work AND the job and still get any family time. This is the issue with nyc is that the closest burb is still 1h commute at least

Most people don’t go into the office everyday and do a full day. Also, you have weekends and vacations. Parachoial schools are half the price, and even less costly in the burbs. Most importantly, your husband is not working at all. This seems like a pretty easy problem in my opinion.

I think a big q is whether a commute will hurt your ability to be successful in your job or mean a sacrifice to ever seeing your kid. Some people have a 9-5 and they can drop kid at school, commute in and be back for dinner. If you start extremely early (finance) or finish at 6/7 then imo you can’t easily make burbs work AND the job and still get any family time. This is the issue with nyc is that the closest burb is still 1h commute at least

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - thanks for the above. It’s really an impossible situation.

We have 2 x properties worth a combined $3.5m. $1m in savings including 401ks. We Airbnb one of the properties but it’s v seasonal.. I had hoped to make up one of the kids tuitions that way but we at least invest that money (we make about $20-30k a year on it and use it a ton ourselves bc we have a small apt in the city)

I really don’t know which path to take

It is not an impossible situation. You just want an expensive life (multiple kids, nyc, private school, no commute, a vacation house) and your husband is unemployed. One of those things needs to give or he needs to get a job.

^valid point.

Anonymous wrote:Op - thanks for the above. It’s really an impossible situation.

We have 2 x properties worth a combined $3.5m. $1m in savings including 401ks. We Airbnb one of the properties but it’s v seasonal.. I had hoped to make up one of the kids tuitions that way but we at least invest that money (we make about $20-30k a year on it and use it a ton ourselves bc we have a small apt in the city)

I really don’t know which path to take

It is not an impossible situation. You just want an expensive life (multiple kids, nyc, private school, no commute, a vacation house) and your husband is unemployed. One of those things needs to give or he needs to get a job.

We did private high school only for 2 kids, and parochial, so ~28K (all in, fees, etc) for one and ~33K for the other.

We started at about 350K HHI, and now at 425K with one kid still in high school. And I find it hard to carve out the money - my DC is also very involved in a travel sport so, that's spendy, too. Our mortgage is semi-highish - 4K a month.

My DH finds it frustrating that at 425K he should be able to do whatever he wants to do but we do have to plan and save and make choices. We're not going to Europe or going on long vacations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - thanks for the above. It’s really an impossible situation.

We have 2 x properties worth a combined $3.5m. $1m in savings including 401ks. We Airbnb one of the properties but it’s v seasonal.. I had hoped to make up one of the kids tuitions that way but we at least invest that money (we make about $20-30k a year on it and use it a ton ourselves bc we have a small apt in the city)

I really don’t know which path to take

The issue is you seem to live in a shitty school district. If you live in a good place, this wouldn't be an issue - because the public schools get the good kids, and the troubled kids go to the private schools who can deal with them. Which is basically how it is in the DC area for families that live in the W neighborhoods.

Most of nyc is a not great school district. There are some good zoned elementary publics and a very very few lottery middle schools and maybe 6 good city wide test in high schools. The difference between nyc private school kids and public is huge. Property taxes are higher in the burbs to support better schools but the shortest commute will be at least an hour each way.

^ I should also note that most people we know with multiple children chose parochial at half the price. They are happy with it. Some also do public which are better here than in the city.

OP didn’t really want to hear my opinion earlier, but I will try again….nicer and with more personal context this time.

So, we make a combined $1M in a VHCOL market. We have one child, only own a primary residence, but that primary home has over $1M in equity. Outside of that, we have ~$4M in cash/stocks. I don’t at all consider us wealthy, but we are comfortable and can purchase most of what we want, but not everything.

Our family has one DC, and their private is in the low 60’s. I hold a demanding C level position, and commute to the city 4x weekly and travel for work occasionally, but I’m fortunate that my spouse works very close to home. We used to live in the city and we chose to move when DC was getting to be school aged. It was probably the smartest choice we ever made as a family, and everyone is happy with it.

YMMV, and we all have different tolerances of what we will do for the sake of the family, but I wouldn’t rule out a similar path.

How old are your kids OP? I get the impression they are already elementary aged or older. What have you been doing for their education up until now?

I spend roughly $65K for four children on a combined $210K income, so theoretically $300K?

More realistically, for someone who has already lifestyle crept and in a fabulously expensive city, maybe $400K+, and that still probably has significant compromises to what you have come to expect. Otherwise, move if you can, but I can appreciate why you can't -- at that level of income, your job is probably extremely demanding and minimizing the commute is critical.

I would still look for a cheaper private. Much of the high tuition for fancy independent schools goes into the "fancy" part, not the "school" part. Find a school -- religious or non- -- that invests relatively more on the education side.

Anonymous wrote:Op - thanks for the above. It’s really an impossible situation.

We have 2 x properties worth a combined $3.5m. $1m in savings including 401ks. We Airbnb one of the properties but it’s v seasonal.. I had hoped to make up one of the kids tuitions that way but we at least invest that money (we make about $20-30k a year on it and use it a ton ourselves bc we have a small apt in the city)

I really don’t know which path to take

The issue is you seem to live in a shitty school district. If you live in a good place, this wouldn't be an issue - because the public schools get the good kids, and the troubled kids go to the private schools who can deal with them. Which is basically how it is in the DC area for families that live in the W neighborhoods.

With that income level, yes I would spend that kind of money for school, assuming you can handle the cashflow. What’s the point of making that kind of income if not to benefit your kids?