Anonymous wrote:I leave my kids home alone all the time (youngest is now 8, but we started for very short times (less than 10 minutes) at 7. Anyway, I never leave the kids home with friends alone without knowing the kid myself really well, and running it by the parents. This is true of even my oldest who is a teenager. Kids together with friends are WAY less capable of making good decisions.

But…I know I might be an outlier it both leaving my kids home and not leaving friends home without supervision. So I wouldn’t expect another parent to have the same expectations. I think it would be good to have a conversation with this parent about how you were uncomfortable with it and then leave it be

Why did you even have kids then?

Anonymous wrote:My 9yr old is good friends with “R” through gymnastics. She has spent the night several times and was invited to spend the night at her house. I know the mom really well as the girls have been competing together for 3 years. I went to pick up at 10am and the girls were by theirselves. “R” said her mom and just left to go the gym. We obviously won’t be doing anymore sleepovers there but would you say anything to the mom. I would never leave 9yr old girls at home alone, but she didn’t even let me know!

Depends on how mature they are. Some kids are mature and responsible by that age and it's fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by the replies in here actually. 9yo are 4th/5th grade absolutely capable of being home alone.

I have never had any 9 year olds in 5th grade.

-former 5th grade teacher

I was nine going into 5th grade - fall birthday.

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Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

I don’t understand the logic of donuts being less frivolous than the gym.

At least it’s for the kids and the errand is a 10 minute one instead of an hr+

We’re gonna have to disagree on this one. Why we prioritize donuts over physical activity is a mystery to me. And not sure where you are that you can get donuts in ten minutes.

It’s not prioritizing donuts over physical activity. It’s most importantly the amount of time, and secondly, the purpose of the activity. Getting food for the kids is different than going to the gym for yourself which could be done later in the day when you don’t have another child in the home.

Your argument that it's OK to leave them alone to get donuts but not OK for the gym is....dumb. It's either OK to leave them or it's not. You could take them along to get donuts if so inclined. You must really like donuts, but hate to break it to you they aren't essential.

dp.. yea, there's a diff.

Going to get donuts takes like 30min. Most people go to the gym for 1+ hours.

Most people would be ok with leaving your baby to cry for 5min because you were in the shower, or you are driving. But, if you let your baby cry for 5min just because you want to go online shopping and can't be bothered? yea, most people would judge you for it.

Unless it’s an emergency, it doesn’t really matter why you left. The kids are either mature enough to be home or they’re not. Arguing that donuts is a necessary reason to leave is silly. If something happens while you’re grabbing donuts, people are going to judge that too. I’m not certain when purchasing donuts became a necessity like showering.

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Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

I don’t understand the logic of donuts being less frivolous than the gym.

At least it’s for the kids and the errand is a 10 minute one instead of an hr+

We’re gonna have to disagree on this one. Why we prioritize donuts over physical activity is a mystery to me. And not sure where you are that you can get donuts in ten minutes.

It’s not prioritizing donuts over physical activity. It’s most importantly the amount of time, and secondly, the purpose of the activity. Getting food for the kids is different than going to the gym for yourself which could be done later in the day when you don’t have another child in the home.

Your argument that it's OK to leave them alone to get donuts but not OK for the gym is....dumb. It's either OK to leave them or it's not. You could take them along to get donuts if so inclined. You must really like donuts, but hate to break it to you they aren't essential.

dp.. yea, there's a diff.

Going to get donuts takes like 30min. Most people go to the gym for 1+ hours.

Most people would be ok with leaving your baby to cry for 5min because you were in the shower, or you are driving. But, if you let your baby cry for 5min just because you want to go online shopping and can't be bothered? yea, most people would judge you for it.

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Anonymous wrote:I would ask the mother why the girls were left alone and remind her that it’s not legal.

It’s legal in Maryland. Not sure where you live.
I leave my 9 year old home alone but I would never do it with another child in the house unless I asked.

+1 But, I would not leave my 9 yr old home alone for more than an hour.

And I grew up as a latch key kid since the age of 8.

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Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

I don’t understand the logic of donuts being less frivolous than the gym.

At least it’s for the kids and the errand is a 10 minute one instead of an hr+

We’re gonna have to disagree on this one. Why we prioritize donuts over physical activity is a mystery to me. And not sure where you are that you can get donuts in ten minutes.

It’s not prioritizing donuts over physical activity. It’s most importantly the amount of time, and secondly, the purpose of the activity. Getting food for the kids is different than going to the gym for yourself which could be done later in the day when you don’t have another child in the home.

It's OK for moms to prioritize their health. It really is.

It really is ok to prioritize the health and safety of 9 year-olds entrusted in your care.

I would provide feedback to the mom, like please let me know next time so I can pick up early. Since there's been several sleepovers she would probably wonder why you suddenly are declining.

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Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

+1

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Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

I don’t understand the logic of donuts being less frivolous than the gym.

At least it’s for the kids and the errand is a 10 minute one instead of an hr+

We’re gonna have to disagree on this one. Why we prioritize donuts over physical activity is a mystery to me. And not sure where you are that you can get donuts in ten minutes.

It’s not prioritizing donuts over physical activity. It’s most importantly the amount of time, and secondly, the purpose of the activity. Getting food for the kids is different than going to the gym for yourself which could be done later in the day when you don’t have another child in the home.

It's OK for moms to prioritize their health. It really is.

It’s not about donuts vs the gym; it’s about leaving the kids alone for an hr+ while you’re at the gym vs 10 mins or less while you run to the grocery store a few blocks away to get donuts (I live 3 mins from grocery store where we get donuts and I would definitely be back in less than 10 mins—we’ve done it many times running to the store quickly)

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by the replies in here actually. 9yo are 4th/5th grade absolutely capable of being home alone.

I have never had any 9 year olds in 5th grade.

-former 5th grade teacher

I leave my kids home alone all the time (youngest is now 8, but we started for very short times (less than 10 minutes) at 7. Anyway, I never leave the kids home with friends alone without knowing the kid myself really well, and running it by the parents. This is true of even my oldest who is a teenager. Kids together with friends are WAY less capable of making good decisions.

But…I know I might be an outlier it both leaving my kids home and not leaving friends home without supervision. So I wouldn’t expect another parent to have the same expectations. I think it would be good to have a conversation with this parent about how you were uncomfortable with it and then leave it be

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

I don’t understand the logic of donuts being less frivolous than the gym.

At least it’s for the kids and the errand is a 10 minute one instead of an hr+

We’re gonna have to disagree on this one. Why we prioritize donuts over physical activity is a mystery to me. And not sure where you are that you can get donuts in ten minutes.

It’s not prioritizing donuts over physical activity. It’s most importantly the amount of time, and secondly, the purpose of the activity. Getting food for the kids is different than going to the gym for yourself which could be done later in the day when you don’t have another child in the home.

It's OK for moms to prioritize their health. It really is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

I don’t understand the logic of donuts being less frivolous than the gym.

At least it’s for the kids and the errand is a 10 minute one instead of an hr+

We’re gonna have to disagree on this one. Why we prioritize donuts over physical activity is a mystery to me. And not sure where you are that you can get donuts in ten minutes.

It’s not prioritizing donuts over physical activity. It’s most importantly the amount of time, and secondly, the purpose of the activity. Getting food for the kids is different than going to the gym for yourself which could be done later in the day when you don’t have another child in the home.

Your argument that it's OK to leave them alone to get donuts but not OK for the gym is....dumb. It's either OK to leave them or it's not. You could take them along to get donuts if so inclined. You must really like donuts, but hate to break it to you they aren't essential.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

I don’t understand the logic of donuts being less frivolous than the gym.

At least it’s for the kids and the errand is a 10 minute one instead of an hr+

We’re gonna have to disagree on this one. Why we prioritize donuts over physical activity is a mystery to me. And not sure where you are that you can get donuts in ten minutes.

It’s not prioritizing donuts over physical activity. It’s most importantly the amount of time, and secondly, the purpose of the activity. Getting food for the kids is different than going to the gym for yourself which could be done later in the day when you don’t have another child in the home.