Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to figure out the reasons you have anxiety about spending money.

For me, it's because my parents made me work full time over the summers and winter breaks to have spending money and contribute to tuition. They cut me off senior year in college because they didn't like my boyfriend. Money in the bank is security to me so I have a buffer against job loss, divorce, etc.

Same
Age 17 left home never ever did my parents support me again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to figure out the reasons you have anxiety about spending money.

For me, it's because my parents made me work full time over the summers and winter breaks to have spending money and contribute to tuition. They cut me off senior year in college because they didn't like my boyfriend. Money in the bank is security to me so I have a buffer against job loss, divorce, etc.

Same
Age 17 left home never ever did my parents support me again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to figure out the reasons you have anxiety about spending money.

For me, it's because my parents made me work full time over the summers and winter breaks to have spending money and contribute to tuition. They cut me off senior year in college because they didn't like my boyfriend. Money in the bank is security to me so I have a buffer against job loss, divorce, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Within reason because obviously you aren’t going to change your entire personality. How to do this?

We are mid 40’s, fully saved for college and doing well on savings; mortgage done in a few years. HHI has increased dramatically in the past few years (400k to 800k+) and expenses have remained low. No plans to change housing expenses but maybe could use some home upgrades and maintenance. Cars good.

How to make the mental shift?

Anyone?

Anonymous wrote:You need to figure out the reasons you have anxiety about spending money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I agree it's some weird mental hangup. We rationally understand we can afford a lot more without jeopardizing security/the future.

But when I go to a fancy restaurant, I mentally still look at all the entree prices and make value judgements. We love to travel but I'm struggling to make the leap to nicer hotels and business class. I don't even like buying the teenagers $140 sneakers. I do it, because it's the kids and it's important to them, but I am outraged by it and would NEVER by myself $140 sneakers.

What is wrong with me? And yes I grew up working class. DH grew up more middle class and later upper middle class by HS, but his parents are also frugal.

I really do want to make the shift. But I am full of guilt over things I don't "need" that are "wasteful."

Interesting. We make a lot more than you and I’ve never spent $140 on sneakers for my now college-aged kids AND I don’t think I’m frugal at all. Maybe I think more of value than frugality. Then again, what’s wasteful to you is not the same to me.

it is all about what you value. My kids knew to not ask for $140 sneakers. My girls knew they were not getting Lulu or real Uggs until they stopped growing (despite half the kids in 1st/2nd grade being outfitted as such). Sure we can afford it, but why would you spend on that (unless you have 2-3 more kids in line to wear it as hand-me-downs)? Once they stopped growing, we were more willing to spend on quality if the kids wanted it---but my kid was happy with Fake Uggs from Costco for many years.

Maybe your kids are young? You’d be hard pressed to find a kid at our public MS or HS without $100+ sneakers and some Lululemon or Ugg clothing/shoes. For the boys it’s professional sports swag.

My kids are in their 20s. We lived in UMC+ areas when they were in school. But my girls were late MS before they got Lulu or Ugg---as stated, once they stopped growing. MS is very different than ES (where half the girls in 1st grade were dressed like that, for items they'd outgrow in 5-6 months). My son also got nicer stuff once stopped growing, but knew he was not getting more than 1-2 pairs of shoes (he only wanted one at a time). And my girls wore fake Uggs and target leggings happily into HS, along with their Lulu stuff. They were not status seekers. And yes they were popular.


I make 7 figures and would never buy myself $140 sneakers. My kids on occasion. But their Lululemon stuff comes from Poshmark. I dont have a spend it bc you have it mentality. I want them to learn good habits too. But we have a very nice house/do private school and a very good commute. Not feeling the need for a therapist to discuss why $140 sneakers is never gonna happen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I agree it's some weird mental hangup. We rationally understand we can afford a lot more without jeopardizing security/the future.

But when I go to a fancy restaurant, I mentally still look at all the entree prices and make value judgements. We love to travel but I'm struggling to make the leap to nicer hotels and business class. I don't even like buying the teenagers $140 sneakers. I do it, because it's the kids and it's important to them, but I am outraged by it and would NEVER by myself $140 sneakers.

What is wrong with me? And yes I grew up working class. DH grew up more middle class and later upper middle class by HS, but his parents are also frugal.

I really do want to make the shift. But I am full of guilt over things I don't "need" that are "wasteful."

Interesting. We make a lot more than you and I’ve never spent $140 on sneakers for my now college-aged kids AND I don’t think I’m frugal at all. Maybe I think more of value than frugality. Then again, what’s wasteful to you is not the same to me.

it is all about what you value. My kids knew to not ask for $140 sneakers. My girls knew they were not getting Lulu or real Uggs until they stopped growing (despite half the kids in 1st/2nd grade being outfitted as such). Sure we can afford it, but why would you spend on that (unless you have 2-3 more kids in line to wear it as hand-me-downs)? Once they stopped growing, we were more willing to spend on quality if the kids wanted it---but my kid was happy with Fake Uggs from Costco for many years.

Maybe your kids are young? You’d be hard pressed to find a kid at our public MS or HS without $100+ sneakers and some Lululemon or Ugg clothing/shoes. For the boys it’s professional sports swag.

My kids are in their 20s. We lived in UMC+ areas when they were in school. But my girls were late MS before they got Lulu or Ugg---as stated, once they stopped growing. MS is very different than ES (where half the girls in 1st grade were dressed like that, for items they'd outgrow in 5-6 months). My son also got nicer stuff once stopped growing, but knew he was not getting more than 1-2 pairs of shoes (he only wanted one at a time). And my girls wore fake Uggs and target leggings happily into HS, along with their Lulu stuff. They were not status seekers. And yes they were popular.

Anonymous wrote:Within reason because obviously you aren’t going to change your entire personality. How to do this?

We are mid 40’s, fully saved for college and doing well on savings; mortgage done in a few years. HHI has increased dramatically in the past few years (400k to 800k+) and expenses have remained low. No plans to change housing expenses but maybe could use some home upgrades and maintenance. Cars good.

How to make the mental shift?

Anyone?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I agree it's some weird mental hangup. We rationally understand we can afford a lot more without jeopardizing security/the future.

But when I go to a fancy restaurant, I mentally still look at all the entree prices and make value judgements. We love to travel but I'm struggling to make the leap to nicer hotels and business class. I don't even like buying the teenagers $140 sneakers. I do it, because it's the kids and it's important to them, but I am outraged by it and would NEVER by myself $140 sneakers.

What is wrong with me? And yes I grew up working class. DH grew up more middle class and later upper middle class by HS, but his parents are also frugal.

I really do want to make the shift. But I am full of guilt over things I don't "need" that are "wasteful."

Interesting. We make a lot more than you and I’ve never spent $140 on sneakers for my now college-aged kids AND I don’t think I’m frugal at all. Maybe I think more of value than frugality. Then again, what’s wasteful to you is not the same to me.

it is all about what you value. My kids knew to not ask for $140 sneakers. My girls knew they were not getting Lulu or real Uggs until they stopped growing (despite half the kids in 1st/2nd grade being outfitted as such). Sure we can afford it, but why would you spend on that (unless you have 2-3 more kids in line to wear it as hand-me-downs)? Once they stopped growing, we were more willing to spend on quality if the kids wanted it---but my kid was happy with Fake Uggs from Costco for many years.

Maybe your kids are young? You’d be hard pressed to find a kid at our public MS or HS without $100+ sneakers and some Lululemon or Ugg clothing/shoes. For the boys it’s professional sports swag.

Anonymous wrote:I’m really shocked by how so many people are earning insane amounts of money. Something seems really wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard to take people making 800k talking being frugal.

Or $400k. I am sure there are eating catfood.

Anonymous wrote:Within reason because obviously you aren’t going to change your entire personality. How to do this?

We are mid 40’s, fully saved for college and doing well on savings; mortgage done in a few years. HHI has increased dramatically in the past few years (400k to 800k+) and expenses have remained low. No plans to change housing expenses but maybe could use some home upgrades and maintenance. Cars good.

How to make the mental shift?

Anyone?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I agree it's some weird mental hangup. We rationally understand we can afford a lot more without jeopardizing security/the future.

But when I go to a fancy restaurant, I mentally still look at all the entree prices and make value judgements. We love to travel but I'm struggling to make the leap to nicer hotels and business class. I don't even like buying the teenagers $140 sneakers. I do it, because it's the kids and it's important to them, but I am outraged by it and would NEVER by myself $140 sneakers.

What is wrong with me? And yes I grew up working class. DH grew up more middle class and later upper middle class by HS, but his parents are also frugal.

I really do want to make the shift. But I am full of guilt over things I don't "need" that are "wasteful."

Interesting. We make a lot more than you and I’ve never spent $140 on sneakers for my now college-aged kids AND I don’t think I’m frugal at all. Maybe I think more of value than frugality. Then again, what’s wasteful to you is not the same to me.

it is all about what you value. My kids knew to not ask for $140 sneakers. My girls knew they were not getting Lulu or real Uggs until they stopped growing (despite half the kids in 1st/2nd grade being outfitted as such). Sure we can afford it, but why would you spend on that (unless you have 2-3 more kids in line to wear it as hand-me-downs)? Once they stopped growing, we were more willing to spend on quality if the kids wanted it---but my kid was happy with Fake Uggs from Costco for many years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard to take people making 800k talking being frugal.

Or $400k. I am sure there are eating catfood.