Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Original Poster here — looking for some advice.
My son is feeling self-conscious about his voice. We recently went on a cruise, and a stranger came up to him out of nowhere and bluntly asked, “Are you gay?” It really shook him. Now he’s questioning himself and wondering if he somehow fits a stereotype that others are picking up on. He keeps saying, “It can’t be the whole world that’s wrong.”

I want to support him but also help him understand that people can be quick to make assumptions, and that doesn’t define who he is. Has anyone else dealt with something like this — either personally or with their kids?

I have. My DS does theater and has a zesty personality. He’s straight, but gets called gay all the time. The same kids also accuse him of dating his best friend, who’s a girl. Middle school logic rarely makes sense.

DS has seen most boys get called gay at one time or another, mostly by the jock boys, so he doesn’t take it personally. It’s a cheap way of getting social points. Some of them take it way too far, to the extent that you start to wonder if there’s a more questioning intent behind the insults. Coming out in middle school is risky for boys, in an environment where everything gets policed. Some of them hide by becoming the police. They test the waters in a clumsy way by calling other boys gay and making suggestive comments to see how they react. One jock boy at DS’ school dealt with his emerging sexuality in sixth grade by “jokingly” tackling other boys at recess and humping them (I guess this is a thing football players do to show dominance). Another boy sent DS shirtless pics of men through his school Google account. The other boy got into big trouble when it was discovered he had hundreds of similar images stored on his school iPad.

DS treats all of this as not his monkeys and not his circus. If a kid is being a persistent jerk, his usual response is a bored “leave me out of your fantasies”. He is who he is, but it’s hard when the signals and body language you give off don’t match who you are inside. If your son feels self-conscious about his voice, maybe he could work with a vocal coach to deepen it.

Anonymous wrote:Go to the gym, get swole, step up.


Or ignore it

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what people think,if he's not gay then he would not be bothered by that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. That's got to be hard for both him and you.

Kids have teased my now 15-year-old about being gay, bi,, trans and everything in between for years. It has mostly faded away now. He's straight and likes girls, and is big, muscular, and athletic but he's also very soft spoken and gentle. He has a speech impediment and can be a bit jerky with some everyday movements so he's often quite deliberate in how he speaks and moves. I think all of this added up to being why he was teased. Kids can be such jerks.

The best defense for him seems to have been o act bored or change the subject. He has no problem w/gay, bi, or any other orientation (sorry if that's the wrong word), and he thinks the kids that teased him are total dumba$$es so not worth the emotional energy.

With regard to supporting him, I have learned to ask if he just wants me to listen or if he wants advice, and have gotten better about not just jumping in and reacting. I'm a natural fixer so it was a very steep learning curve, but doable even though I still have to apologize for jumping in at full speed sometimes when there's a problem. When I jump in emotionally, it throws him so I have to practice a calm listening face.

. OP here this is exactly my son you and I are in same boat. He is but gentle and has speech issues very minor. That has him classified as gay .

So a gay man can’t be “ tall muscular handsome” as you describe your son? Please realize how tone deaf you are. Gay kids are made fun of for who they literally are. For just existing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My 14-year-old son is being teased at school and called gay, which is bothering him. Just to clarify, he’s straight. The comments stem from the way he talks, but he has speech-related issues and is high-functioning autistic. How can we best support him in dealing with this.

"I'm not. Weird you think I am. You looking for a date or something?"

Anonymous wrote:“I’m not gay—but that’s not the insult you seem to think it is. Actually, why DO you think it’s an insult? Are you homophobic?”

Anonymous wrote:

My 14-year-old son is being teased at school and called gay, which is bothering him. Just to clarify, he’s straight. The comments stem from the way he talks, but he has speech-related issues and is high-functioning autistic. How can we best support him in dealing with this.

Anonymous wrote:Original Poster here — looking for some advice.
My son is feeling self-conscious about his voice. We recently went on a cruise, and a stranger came up to him out of nowhere and bluntly asked, “Are you gay?” It really shook him. Now he’s questioning himself and wondering if he somehow fits a stereotype that others are picking up on. He keeps saying, “It can’t be the whole world that’s wrong.”

I want to support him but also help him understand that people can be quick to make assumptions, and that doesn’t define who he is. Has anyone else dealt with something like this — either personally or with their kids?

Anonymous wrote:Original Poster here — looking for some advice.
My son is feeling self-conscious about his voice. We recently went on a cruise, and a stranger came up to him out of nowhere and bluntly asked, “Are you gay?” It really shook him. Now he’s questioning himself and wondering if he somehow fits a stereotype that others are picking up on. He keeps saying, “It can’t be the whole world that’s wrong.”

I want to support him but also help him understand that people can be quick to make assumptions, and that doesn’t define who he is. Has anyone else dealt with something like this — either personally or with their kids?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. That's got to be hard for both him and you.

Kids have teased my now 15-year-old about being gay, bi,, trans and everything in between for years. It has mostly faded away now. He's straight and likes girls, and is big, muscular, and athletic but he's also very soft spoken and gentle. He has a speech impediment and can be a bit jerky with some everyday movements so he's often quite deliberate in how he speaks and moves. I think all of this added up to being why he was teased. Kids can be such jerks.

The best defense for him seems to have been o act bored or change the subject. He has no problem w/gay, bi, or any other orientation (sorry if that's the wrong word), and he thinks the kids that teased him are total dumba$$es so not worth the emotional energy.

With regard to supporting him, I have learned to ask if he just wants me to listen or if he wants advice, and have gotten better about not just jumping in and reacting. I'm a natural fixer so it was a very steep learning curve, but doable even though I still have to apologize for jumping in at full speed sometimes when there's a problem. When I jump in emotionally, it throws him so I have to practice a calm listening face.

. OP here this is exactly my son you and I are in same boat. He is but gentle and has speech issues very minor. That has him classified as gay .

So a gay man can’t be “ tall muscular handsome” as you describe your son? Please realize how tone deaf you are. Gay kids are made fun of for who they literally are. For just existing.

OP here no I didn’t mean it that way. Was trying to draw similarities with the other poster here son is the same as she describes him facing same problems. I have worked with and been friends with some gay men and some of them are muscular and handsome.