Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a bright nephew who skipped a grade in elementary school and is now a 20-year-old senior at a top university. We spoke over the phone the other night and he confided in me that he’s been feeling very lonely these past few months, because all his friends are 21 and have going to bars without him every weekend.

I told him I was sorry to hear that, which I truly am, but I also feel I can relate. I was the only one of my friends from high school, as well as among my siblings, not to get accepted into an elite college. I can understand exactly the feelings of jealousy and loneliness my nephew is experiencing. When I pointed this out to him, he told me I can’t possibly know how he feels, and immediately hung up on me.

What’s your definition of an elite college? My son didn’t go to an elite college but he’s 31 yo and already worth tens of millions as an entrepreneur and most likely makes more than most graduates of elite colleges. No one cares where you go to school.

Lots of people care where you went to college. Stop being obtuse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him a fake ID already.

Ha! This would have been my advice.

You people realize it’s impossible to get fake ids in this century, right? That advice would have been equally stupid and tone deaf. Talk about aging yourself by giving old-timely, stupid, and irrelevant advice.

Why doesn’t he just do what normal 20 year-old do and get a fake ID?

Anonymous wrote:I hate when I am sharing something that bothers me and someone tries to relate with their own story. It dismisses my vulnerability.

Really? When I had a disease and told other people, and they told me they also have/had that disease, it made me feel less alone. It seems narcissistic to think your experience is so unique and special and everyone else should just shut up and listen to you.

Wait. You were having a telephone conversation with a college kid? And he was confusing emotional things with someone who typically responds to things with, “I know exactly how you feel.” This sounds suss.

He’s just a kid. I trust that so many people in his life are super focused on how smart he is and how great it is that he’s in a top college (you even mentioned it here) so much that they forget that part of the experience should be to have friends, go out, make mistakes and start building a life independent of parents.

He was reaching out to share his feelings, and unfortunately, you turned it all to how “lucky” he is to be smart - when all he wanted was to share something and feel less lonely, which he feels already.

He is depressed and you made him feel more alone

Anonymous wrote:He’s on the spectrum right?

What makes you say that?

When I was his age I thought my feelings and circumstances were unique and no old person could possibly understand. Don’t worry op, you did what you could, it’s honestly his parents fault they pushed him ahead.

He’s on the spectrum right?

Because you told him he was jealous of his friends, compared his situation due to age to your situation due to academic performance (which is loaded with your own self judgment) and projected it onto him.

You took up all the space and decided for him how he felt and what it is comparable to.

You could have said “I’m so sorry. I remember feeling lonely in college. College gets so hyped but it is also a hard time with many growing pains.” And then just listened to him.

If you did mention your college experience it would have been best to say “I remember feeling very lonely in college. This is quite different but all my friends went to a few schools together and I went to one by myself. They continued to hang out together but I really struggled to make friends. Eventually I met xyz. Don’t give up and hang in there.”

Communication takes mindfulness and a gentle finesse with how you frame things.

Anonymous wrote:I have a bright nephew who skipped a grade in elementary school and is now a 20-year-old senior at a top university. We spoke over the phone the other night and he confided in me that he’s been feeling very lonely these past few months, because all his friends are 21 and have going to bars without him every weekend.

I told him I was sorry to hear that, which I truly am, but I also feel I can relate. I was the only one of my friends from high school, as well as among my siblings, not to get accepted into an elite college. I can understand exactly the feelings of jealousy and loneliness my nephew is experiencing. When I pointed this out to him, he told me I can’t possibly know how he feels, and immediately hung up on me.

What’s your definition of an elite college? My son didn’t go to an elite college but he’s 31 yo and already worth tens of millions as an entrepreneur and most likely makes more than most graduates of elite colleges. No one cares where you go to school.

Main-character narcissist. It’s all about you. All roads lead back to you. No one can tell an experience or share a story without it coming back to you. They are but planets to your sun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his friends are ditching him because he’s a jerk.

+1 I find it strange that he's in his fourth year of college and all his friends are 21 and he can't seem to figure out how to make new friends.

I find it odd that he's in his 4th year of college, all his friends are 21 and he doesn't have a decent fake ID.

Sorry I said the wrong thing. I got caught up in my own stuff. It definitely sucks not being able to go out with your friends. I love you and am always here for you.


This ^^^^^