Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even worse than the OPs are all the commenters who pretend that the 26th or 27th are just as good as the 24th or 25th (except when it comes to their side of the family, of course).

It's just a day, like any other day. You know Jesus wasn't actually born on this day, right? A lovely day with family is a lovely day with family.

And yet we celebrate Jesus’s birthday every year on the same day, so no.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you need to read this article. Also, newsflash, not everyone lives near family. It’s not always an option to only spend a “few hours” with them on Christmas. It may involve expensive travel, hotels, rental cars, PTO, cranky children, and lots of other stressors.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2024/12/10/christmas-alone-joy-solitude-holidays/

OP said invite, not travel to.

Anonymous wrote:Even worse than the OPs are all the commenters who pretend that the 26th or 27th are just as good as the 24th or 25th (except when it comes to their side of the family, of course).

Haha yes!!

Totally agree. Obviously there’s the rare exception of abuse.

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious. We have all read about the significant number of GenX kids cutting off their parents. I read an NYT article recently and to me, the person who wrote that book is conducting malpractice. In the case of actual abuse, I am sorry, but it seems like the younger generations never learned grace or to accept that their parents were humans and imperfect. I still have young ones, and love spending time with my parents--yes, even my conservative, annoying mother, so haven't had kids go no-contact yet. But the way things are going, it will probably happen some day. It's so sad to me.

I’ll bite.

My mother became pregnant at 19 during a summer internship in California. She never told the guy. She didn’t want to have to be bothered with the logistics of custody and the other parent on the other side of the country. My grandparents died when I was a child, so I can’t ask them, but considering we lived with them on and off, I assume they supported this.

My mother gets all the glory for how hard things were for her being a “single mother”. She worked nights, so I was left home alone and was often hungry and scared. When she would lose her jobs, we’d flee in the night to my grandparents, where my mother would use their babysitting as an opportunity to go out and do drugs and guys. She was arrested for shoplifting when I was around 10. I was shuttled between random people’s houses that summer while my mom was in jail. I was exposed to things and situations that no child should be exposed to.

As an adult, I can’t help but wonder if my life would have been more stable had I lived with my father. It may have been worse, but there’s an equal chance it could have been better. Either way, there’s a 50/50 chance my mother would have had more money from child support, and a 50/50 chance I would have had somewhere stable to live when my mom was in jail. Or during summer breaks. Or holiday breaks. Or just routinely. I’ll never know.

My mother is in her 70s now and has always been stuck at 19. She’s immature and rude and just ornery. She makes my life a living hell.

And no, her decisions when I was a minor child do not deserve grace. And she wasn’t just imperfect, she was willingly imperfect and selfish, to my detriment.

I'm curious. We have all read about the significant number of GenX kids cutting off their parents. I read an NYT article recently and to me, the person who wrote that book is conducting malpractice. In the case of actual abuse, I am sorry, but it seems like the younger generations never learned grace or to accept that their parents were humans and imperfect. I still have young ones, and love spending time with my parents--yes, even my conservative, annoying mother, so haven't had kids go no-contact yet. But the way things are going, it will probably happen some day. It's so sad to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even worse than the OPs are all the commenters who pretend that the 26th or 27th are just as good as the 24th or 25th (except when it comes to their side of the family, of course).

The OP of one thread today specified she's seeing her parents on the 24th, and she doesn't want to see her in-laws on the 25th. Seems reasonable in this context to offer the 26th. I did not see a recent thread where OPs were truly unfair to their in-laws.

I’m the OP of that thread and don’t appreciate you twisting and leaving out details to suit this thread.

As I said in that thread, we have hosted ILs for years. This year, my FIL was a jerk to my DH and they haven’t spoken since October. Subsequently, I made usual plans with my family on the 24th, because we never visit my family on the 25th, that’s typically reserved for ILs. But this year, since my FIL is a jerk and hasn’t spoken to us, I think it’s time to set the 25th aside and forge our own traditions for once.

Don’t twist my words. Also, don’t be a jerk to your kids and you won’t be in this situation.

PP back to apologize, as I quoted the wrong person! Sorry! I meant to quote the poster you quoted!

I think the advice is better written as:

Be someone your family is EXCITED to spend the holidays with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people who abused me? In every way? And have continued to try to ruin my life as an adult? No thanks.

Yes Larla time to out on your big girl pants and grow up!! Get over it! Their time is short and your kids are watching. You’ll be put out to pasture too!!! So sick of my entitled Gen X friends bragging about cutting off their elderly parents or other crap. Spoiled pigs.

Yes! Your kids are watching! Teach them how to set boundaries with difficult, emotionally abusive people and how not to accept manipulation, insults and tantrums, even if it's family. Big girls and boys know how to respectfully say "no." They know how tor recognize projection and entitlement. Time is short. Toxins, even human ones, impact your health. Boundaries help and beware of those who cannot handle them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even worse than the OPs are all the commenters who pretend that the 26th or 27th are just as good as the 24th or 25th (except when it comes to their side of the family, of course).

The OP of one thread today specified she's seeing her parents on the 24th, and she doesn't want to see her in-laws on the 25th. Seems reasonable in this context to offer the 26th. I did not see a recent thread where OPs were truly unfair to their in-laws.

I’m the OP of that thread and don’t appreciate you twisting and leaving out details to suit this thread.

As I said in that thread, we have hosted ILs for years. This year, my FIL was a jerk to my DH and they haven’t spoken since October. Subsequently, I made usual plans with my family on the 24th, because we never visit my family on the 25th, that’s typically reserved for ILs. But this year, since my FIL is a jerk and hasn’t spoken to us, I think it’s time to set the 25th aside and forge our own traditions for once.

Don’t twist my words. Also, don’t be a jerk to your kids and you won’t be in this situation.

TROLL post. Dropped a grenade in this forum and ran.

Anonymous wrote:MYOB. I’m the caregiving kid who spends every day cleaning up after him, while my siblings do nothing for him. I can take one day off to be with my kids at home.

I call bs. Nothing about your post suggests that you give a care about anyone. Good try, but the voices in your head aren’t telling you reality.

If you were really as caregiving as you proclaim, you would take another day off and try to spend Christmas with them (or select another way to celebrate.)

Anonymous wrote:The people who abused me? In every way? And have continued to try to ruin my life as an adult? No thanks.

This. I model being a decent person by cutting off those who abuse. Always stick up fir yourself.

Anonymous wrote:I am so grateful my parents don't insist we travel to them or they travel to us during the holidays. Being able to see them at less stressful (and, yes, cheaper) times is a gift.

+100! My parents independently figured out that visits during Christmas are stressful and result in less quality time because you have to work around a bunch of stuff -- kids holiday concert, special meals, church, Santa, etc.

We visit them in the summer and it's lovely. We stay longer because kids are off. We relax, spend time outside, don't worry how weather will impact travel, no pressure around gifts or very specific holiday expectations.

Then we do Christmas on our own and facetime them around noon and it's so relaxing.

Holidays with extended family are overrated IMO.

Anonymous wrote:There said it. It is a few hours, stop trying to justify being a jerk. We all hate our in-laws and even some of our families, but you model being a decent person once a year.

It would be nice but you don't have to invite every year if its too much for you. You can't ruin every single Christmas for yourself for next 20-30 years.