Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To get As on the homework and then literally fail the test is odd. Is he cheating on the homework? Or does he have crippling test anxiety that he is hiding from you?

Lots of what you say sounds like inattentive ADHD so I’m not sure why you would not investigate that.

homework is likely graded for completion and not actual correct work - not everything is a diagnosis - tell him to put down the electronics and get to work

This is exactly how hw works at my daughter’s private school. They do not penalize for incorrect he and you get to see the answers and correct problems yourself. The point is to encourage learning at this stage. But most of the grade is based on tests. If you didn’t take the homework seriously and use it to master the material, you sabotaged yourself for the exam. OP, I would just tell him you have micromanagement rights until he can actually pass these tests. He can’t fail or slack off and just expect parents to be cool with it.

Anonymous wrote:If the sport is getting in the way of studying, in our house the sport would be the first thing to go.

He can exercise on his own to keep up his fitness; but if he’s too tired or over-scheduled to study, then it’s time to take the season off and establish some good study habits.

This.

Anonymous wrote:He’s lazy, unmotivated, and probably not very smart.

So, tell me, why does he deserve to go to a top college? Because you paid for private school?

I would add entitled and possibly bored to the list also.

I am the parent of a similar student. Capable, but through 9th grade, lazy unmotivated, bored, entitled and unwilling to actually put in the effort required to get the grades he wanted. Midway through 9th grade, we extrapolated his grades through senior year, calculated his prospective GPA and looked up which colleges would be options for him. Turned out he didn't like those options.

Luckily for us, he had a lightbulb moment at some point in 9th grade and became self-motivated.

I hate to say it, but there is most likely nothing medically or educationally wrong with your son. Life just got hard and he actually has to start working now and this is a new turn of events for him. Time for some tough love - tell him to get off his ass and start working.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. As I stated my kids grades are overall good. (A in math including tests, btw) but he is struggling on tests. Some bc of his own doing, some maybe not. The final C/D is not my worry. It’s A vs B as well as helping him over this hump.

I appreciate all of the normal and helpful responses!

This is the situation you asked us to respond to:

"tests ... generally count for 30-60% of the overall grade, depending on the teacher. His grades are almost always A's for homework, classwork etc and then he has a test and loses the A. Sometimes these tests are B's or C's, almost never A's and often the grades are F's."

Now you say his grades are good and you just want to hep him get from a B to an A. If the "often F" is 60% of the grade, the kid does not have a B.

Which is it?

OMG, this is why I don't normally post and why I won't again. Not sure why things don't add up. Each class does grading and percentages differently and there aren't Fs on every test. I am was just trying to crowd source if "rules" around studying were effective for some or if it seems better to have a talk and try and let my kid navigate. No one will be going to community college.

Hey OP. People are asking a bit aggressively but it's relevant to the advice I would give a person at least. A kid often getting Fs on tests and a kid getting Bs in classes are two different scenarios and you have presented both.

OP, my daughter has test taking anxiety for sure. Her mind goes blank and she freezes. Unfortunately, she refuses to get counseling or any sort of help. She too has failed tests or finals and it's definitely impacted her grades.

I don't think, in her case, inattentive ADHD is the problem. She broke down in tears in the beginning of school saying how much pressure she feels surrounded by kids who are in multiple sports and activities with a lot of AP classes. She's in a Fairfax County public high school, not private.

I've worked with her on breathing techniques to at least get her mind working during tests. I'm working on her with the counseling refusal, but that's a very slow process. The performance anxiety cropped up a little during middle school, but has become more obvious in high school.

I wish I had an easy fix for both of us. Just wanted to say I get it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. As I stated my kids grades are overall good. (A in math including tests, btw) but he is struggling on tests. Some bc of his own doing, some maybe not. The final C/D is not my worry. It’s A vs B as well as helping him over this hump.

I appreciate all of the normal and helpful responses!

This is the situation you asked us to respond to:

"tests ... generally count for 30-60% of the overall grade, depending on the teacher. His grades are almost always A's for homework, classwork etc and then he has a test and loses the A. Sometimes these tests are B's or C's, almost never A's and often the grades are F's."

Now you say his grades are good and you just want to hep him get from a B to an A. If the "often F" is 60% of the grade, the kid does not have a B.

Which is it?

OMG, this is why I don't normally post and why I won't again. Not sure why things don't add up. Each class does grading and percentages differently and there aren't Fs on every test. I am was just trying to crowd source if "rules" around studying were effective for some or if it seems better to have a talk and try and let my kid navigate. No one will be going to community college.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. As I stated my kids grades are overall good. (A in math including tests, btw) but he is struggling on tests. Some bc of his own doing, some maybe not. The final C/D is not my worry. It’s A vs B as well as helping him over this hump.

I appreciate all of the normal and helpful responses!

This is the situation you asked us to respond to:

"tests ... generally count for 30-60% of the overall grade, depending on the teacher. His grades are almost always A's for homework, classwork etc and then he has a test and loses the A. Sometimes these tests are B's or C's, almost never A's and often the grades are F's."

Now you say his grades are good and you just want to hep him get from a B to an A. If the "often F" is 60% of the grade, the kid does not have a B.

Which is it?

How does a kid with Bs, Cs, and Fs on tests end up with mostly As and Bs? Your story isn’t adding up.

request that they follow the public school retake policy, if not send a complaint to the local government for compliance. Also request a refund for the year and to go back to public school if they don't comply in time. sue the school.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. As I stated my kids grades are overall good. (A in math including tests, btw) but he is struggling on tests. Some bc of his own doing, some maybe not. The final C/D is not my worry. It’s A vs B as well as helping him over this hump.

I appreciate all of the normal and helpful responses!

If it is just an issue of As vs Bs, then I would step back and let him manage it with your help only as wanted. Offer to help him study, offer to hire him tutors, offer to buy extra study materials. But then allow him to develop his own study skills and motivation to bump up the Bs to As.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. As I stated my kids grades are overall good. (A in math including tests, btw) but he is struggling on tests. Some bc of his own doing, some maybe not. The final C/D is not my worry. It’s A vs B as well as helping him over this hump.

I appreciate all of the normal and helpful responses!

Are you calling the answers you wanted to hear the "normal and helpful" ones?

OP, it is clear as sunny day for those of us who have been there/done that, that your kid has red flags for inattentive ADHD. No one likes to hear this, but you owe it to your kid to have him properly tested.

You can take away all screens, make him study at a desk in front of you all day long, be the one to force the planner upkeep (really, does it count as success if the kid can't do that himself?). All of that work and forcing you accomplish won't matter if his eyes move across the page while his brain is floating off in outer space and he is completely unaware of it. Or if he believes he has paid attention in class but his notes are half or a quarter as long as the other students (if he even took any) because he doesn't even know that he missed half of what was going on. Show his notes to his teachers. See what they say.

When he hyper-focuses, he does well, so you convince yourself there is no problem. But he cannot maintain that, even though he is capable and wants to do well, so you know in your gut there is a problem.

This is OP. As I stated my kids grades are overall good. (A in math including tests, btw) but he is struggling on tests. Some bc of his own doing, some maybe not. The final C/D is not my worry. It’s A vs B as well as helping him over this hump.

I appreciate all of the normal and helpful responses!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PP with the kid with text anxiety...how did you handle that? Is there is an underlying issue with my son this is what I suspect. It is then compounded by lack of preparation. He is very resistant to talking with someone...I have already suggested that.

Oh and grades are still OK bc most tests are C's (but these were tests he SHOULD have had A's on. Not hard and not a lot to study) which brings A's down and the last test was a pretty low F. But he had a 98 in that class prior so there was some wiggle room.

It's interesting, public schools have moved to the tests being most of the grade and As on homework not being able to save grades. Who knew private schools were this cushy. Your kid should not be able to get As and Bs in class if getting Cs to Fs on tests.

It isn't. She's in denial. That "98" was from the first weeks of class, non-assignment throat clearing work. The kid has a world of C tests coming at him and he will likely have a D before she knows it.

Anonymous wrote:He’s obviously not grasping the material if he’s getting Bs, C’s and Fs on tests. You can get him a tutor a couple times a week in multiple subjects to get his grades up. Or accept he is an average student and might be headed to community college. You are the parent - you decide what he needs and follow through.

This. Our middle child had a similar experience. We hired tutors and got peer assistance through NHS for studying. Child just wasn’t understanding the material at the speed it was being taught. We moved Child down one level (Honors to Merit) in math and science and it’s made a world of difference. Now they can explain the math to tutor (who we kept as a backstop) and they’re actually learning versus racing to just try to keep up. Sure, it means no T25 college. But T25
Wasn’t going to happen anyway with C’s/D’s. Also, probably not the right place for this kid in the long run.