Anonymous wrote:The child doesn't sound like a jerk. Sometimes the truth is just hard to hear, OP.

…..you all are crazy. Yeah, the boy sounds like an ass. Come ON.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I commented above, but as a mom of a 4th grade boy with many 4th grade girl neighbors I want to add something.

Just as many 4th grade girls make the same judgmental or gossipy comments, they are just sneakier about it. If a 4th grade girl made the same comment and you heard it, that’s because she Wanted you to hear it.

The socially adept girls are sneakier about it (not as many social rewards for girls to be loud with their mean comments as for boys). The socially inadept ones aren't.

I will never forget the day my (then) 4th grade son came home and said incredulously, "Mom, did you know that girls can have entire conversations during class without using any words?"

White fragility . Poor you

Maybe the kid is a jerk. Maybe there is another explanation like some 4th grade inside joke that you are not aware of. Maybe your child told this kid he was "scary." Who knows.

The important thing is to not as an adult take anything that a 10 year old boy does towards you too personally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4th grade boys (and 5th… and forever???) are rambunctious, under exercised, hilarious, smart mouth balls of energy and boundary-pushing. Sometimes that makes them jerks, yes (especially in groups), but mostly they just deserve an eye roll and a hair scrub.

- mom of girls who spends a lot of time at school

+1

OP by contradicting the boy, you equaled his combative energy and you proved his point. You *were* scary. You need to learn how to neutralize instead. This is what good parents, teachers, etc. do on the regular.

So when an adult politely corrects a kid that is being “scary”?? Jesus no wonder all these kids need safe spaces just to function

I see this in my kids 5th grade class. We were there for group presentations and the boys were nuts. So much interruption etc. I think boys just don’t mature that fast. Plus teachers do a lot less correcting of behavior (same goes for parents) and everyone feeling good about themselves seems to be the focus of the class. There aren’t consequences for anything. Plus half the kids have IEPs so they’re isn’t any thing to be done. I understand why teachers are quitting in high numbers before they even reach five years.

My go-to for inappropriate comments from kids/teens is, "Excuse me?" If the kid doesn't react, I say, "What you said is rude. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything. Do you understand?"

Some kids are really forward with grownups, but they should never call them names or insult them to their faces. Developmentally normal behavior would be whispering that out of earshot, not saying it to OP's face. Kid could be on the spectrum. OP is not out of line for addressing it.

The kid's parents might have thrown their hands up in the air trying to deal with that behavior, but that doesn't mean society at large should ignore it. That kid will need to learn to tone it down when he is out in the workforce someday, and that learning starts now.

4th grade was when the kids taught our DCs almost every swear word out there.

I would have mad escary spooky noises and acted like a ghost

IME 4th graders (and other ages) are learning how to express themselves. Often this means they don't use the words very precisely. I generally ask my child to explain what they meant by whatever term they used that didn't seem appropriate. If they need prompting I would ask if they meant scary like spooky movie that has a surprise which made them jump, or something else. If this were my kid and they'd had a chance to better explain what they meant I suspect you would have felt better about the situation. But I'm sorry this happened to you and your child. Not fun for anyone.

Yeah, you're not ok.

There are some bad apples in 4th grade. But, also there are some in 5th, 6th, etc.
It’s not all, but there are definitely boys with very bad behavior. No doubt.

Are you sure he didn’t mean it in the context of scarier as in your child is scary smart? And yes, I have heard my kid describe to other kids as scary smart as in wicked smart or very smart or hella smart.

Anonymous wrote:Divorce him.