Anonymous
Post 04/14/2024 09:19     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My parents forced me to go to an overnight church retreat that I was dreading. I begged them to let me skip it.

It was terrible, exactly like I expected it to be. Absolutely nothing positive came from it.

Let them skip it.


I’ll argue that it may have been terrible because you were going in with a bad mindset. My dd went to camp with a friend. Friend’s mom was super anxious and talked to friend about all the bad things that *could* happen. The friend showed up already miserable and everything that wasn’t perfect just confirmed how scary and bad that experience would be.


... 'cause very trip is always great for everyone?


Right because some PP didn’t enjoy her school trip 30 years ago that should weigh into OP’s decision, why?
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2024 09:02     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My parents forced me to go to an overnight church retreat that I was dreading. I begged them to let me skip it.

It was terrible, exactly like I expected it to be. Absolutely nothing positive came from it.

Let them skip it.


I’ll argue that it may have been terrible because you were going in with a bad mindset. My dd went to camp with a friend. Friend’s mom was super anxious and talked to friend about all the bad things that *could* happen. The friend showed up already miserable and everything that wasn’t perfect just confirmed how scary and bad that experience would be.


... 'cause very trip is always great for everyone?
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2024 09:01     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why would you force her?


Because sometimes it’s good for us to do hard uncomfortable things.


Definitively... and this is not one of those situations.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2024 08:55     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
I would skip it and not make and not make a big deal about it. No chores. Try to plan something fun to do once or twice locally even if it’s just going shopping or out to eat.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2024 08:05     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
Anonymous wrote:My parents forced me to go to an overnight church retreat that I was dreading. I begged them to let me skip it.

It was terrible, exactly like I expected it to be. Absolutely nothing positive came from it.

Let them skip it.


I’ll argue that it may have been terrible because you were going in with a bad mindset. My dd went to camp with a friend. Friend’s mom was super anxious and talked to friend about all the bad things that *could* happen. The friend showed up already miserable and everything that wasn’t perfect just confirmed how scary and bad that experience would be.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2024 07:54     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
Skip it
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2024 00:32     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
My parents forced me to go to an overnight church retreat that I was dreading. I begged them to let me skip it.

It was terrible, exactly like I expected it to be. Absolutely nothing positive came from it.

Let them skip it.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 18:37     Subject: Re:Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?


Anxiety is highly heritable. Let her stay home and make a therapist appointment for yourself. You need advice on how to help your daughter going forward.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 17:21     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
Anonymous wrote:We let our kid with anxiety skip a trip in 6th grade. Why torture a child? We were switching schools anyway due to social fit.


Op said the reason her dd wants to skip is because she’s already homesick. She’s had mean girl drama this year, but that doesn’t mean that’s why this girl doesn’t want to go.

Why do you think the child is being tortured by going on a trip she was excited about a few months ago and has no legitimate reason to drop out of ? Allowing anxiety to rule choices is enabling that anxiety.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 16:57     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s later this month and final funds are due next week. (We will be out the initial deposit of $150.) They’re going to Toronto for three days. She was excited at the beginning of the year, but as it’s gotten closer, she is preemptively feeling homesick and begging not to go. She’s always been prone to homesickness and hasn’t spent the night with family in nearly a decade, and has never attended a sleepover. We were hoping the allure of a parentless trip with friends would entice her, but it seems it hasn’t. To her credit, she’s had a rough year with mean girl drama, and I wonder if that plays a role in her not feeling comfortable going.

I’m tempted to allow her to skip it. She has promised to do chores to make up the $150, and I believe her. I was never super comfortable with the idea of her going to begin with, although I can’t pinpoint the reason for my hesitation.

What do you all think? I told her I’d make up my mind this weekend.


She needs to learn that when she makes a commitment, she keeps it.


Nonsense.

Parent and child aren’t feeling good about the trip. A deposit isn’t a “commitment,” especially when it involves spending more money.

Optional activities are just that. And if the kid has issues about being away from home the “row out on the lake and toss them in” approach isn’t the right one.

Some parents seem to resent their children.


If the parent and child cannot articulate why they aren’t feeling good, it is good to interrogate whether this is anxiety taking control.

Some parents don’t seem to understand that’s it’s their job to make sure their kids can live and function independently. Preemptive homesickness is not a reason to skip the trip.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 15:49     Subject: Re:Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
I would sit down and talk to her. Tell her that you will not force her to go, but that you think she will likely regret it if she chooses not to go, since it will be a bonding experience with her classmates and they will come back talking about what a good time they had. But ultimately I would let it be her decision. I also agree with some of the PPs suggesting that you may want to consider therapy if her anxiety is holding her back.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 15:42     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
We let our kid with anxiety skip a trip in 6th grade. Why torture a child? We were switching schools anyway due to social fit.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 15:34     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s later this month and final funds are due next week. (We will be out the initial deposit of $150.) They’re going to Toronto for three days. She was excited at the beginning of the year, but as it’s gotten closer, she is preemptively feeling homesick and begging not to go. She’s always been prone to homesickness and hasn’t spent the night with family in nearly a decade, and has never attended a sleepover. We were hoping the allure of a parentless trip with friends would entice her, but it seems it hasn’t. To her credit, she’s had a rough year with mean girl drama, and I wonder if that plays a role in her not feeling comfortable going.

I’m tempted to allow her to skip it. She has promised to do chores to make up the $150, and I believe her. I was never super comfortable with the idea of her going to begin with, although I can’t pinpoint the reason for my hesitation.

What do you all think? I told her I’d make up my mind this weekend.


She needs to learn that when she makes a commitment, she keeps it.


Nonsense.

Parent and child aren’t feeling good about the trip. A deposit isn’t a “commitment,” especially when it involves spending more money.

Optional activities are just that. And if the kid has issues about being away from home the “row out on the lake and toss them in” approach isn’t the right one.

Some parents seem to resent their children.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 15:14     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
Anonymous wrote:Why would you force her?


Because sometimes it’s good for us to do hard uncomfortable things.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 15:11     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
Anonymous wrote:Skip it. Your job is to teach her to advocate for herself and she is clearly saying what she needs. I can’t imagine sending my child somewhere for three days to be possibly bullied the whole time. This is a huge thing for her and you need to have her back. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to listen to her.

-school psychologist


+1