Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 08:45     Subject: DH has two “work wives” and it makes me irrationally crazy
Anonymous wrote:How are you feeling about yourself?


Yes, these posts make me think this.

Are you a SAHM who is bored with your life/insecure about your own identity/capabilities? If so, focus on changing that.

For what it is worth, I would not consider those two women to be "work wives."

The one situation I ever saw that deserved that label was different. It was two workers who should have been at equal value (in terms of credentials) but the women became the man's handmaiden. Like they would go to meetings together just so she could keep his calendar. If you asked him if he would be free to attend a future meeting, he would say "you have to ask her, I can't keep my schedule straight." If someone asked him to write a recommendation, she would really pen it. MIND YOU, she was not a secretary in any way. She was a PHYSICIAN who had taken on an administrative leadership role (like him). But they became bound at the hip and he was definitely taking credit for her work, etc. It was weird.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 08:05     Subject: DH has two “work wives” and it makes me irrationally crazy
Anonymous wrote:DH works with a team of about 20, both men and women, 1/3 being women. He talks about “Leah” and “Amy” quite often, and they are definitely his “work wives” if I’m correct about the meaning of that phrase. They know how he takes his coffee and about our child’s eczema; Leah even researched some remedies and told DH, who told me. Those are examples. Today, when the topic came up, he randomly told me how “great” Leah and Amy would be at something (that I am admittedly NOT great at, though his comment was not directed at me at all) and I got so irrationally fired up (internally, he has no idea, though I was close to blowing up about how tired I am of hearing about how “great” Leah and Amy are, and so I’m here now to seek advice so it doesn’t come to that.)

I’ve met them. I have no reason to believe anything nefarious is happening. They are both nice to me, but not overly nice, or standoffish, either. Both are married, not that that matters, but just throwing it out there. I have no idea why they make me feel so insecure. I’m being honest when I say I have NEVER felt this way about any of his female coworkers, or any other women for that matter, before, so I have no idea where this is coming from or what to do about it. Any advice?


I don't know why they make you feel insecure either. How strange.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 07:40     Subject: DH has two “work wives” and it makes me irrationally crazy
Anonymous wrote:Perhaps we should stop using these weird work spouse terms and simply say “friends”. It is ok to have friends of the opposite gender. Except on DCUM which is full of low-integrity sex crazed maniacs who can’t control their primal instincts and are at risk of screwing anything with a pulse. But in the adult world, none of this is actually an issue.


So, so true, PP.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 07:37     Subject: DH has two “work wives” and it makes me irrationally crazy
Mine does this. He likes women. Not in a sexual way (except with me). The conversations are more interesting to him. The men he works with are usually really uptight and conservative (whatever works for them is fine). It's annoying sometimes, but whatever. He isn't cheating - not even emotionally. I'm glad he has people at work he likes and can talk to.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 07:00     Subject: DH has two “work wives” and it makes me irrationally crazy
Perhaps we should stop using these weird work spouse terms and simply say “friends”. It is ok to have friends of the opposite gender. Except on DCUM which is full of low-integrity sex crazed maniacs who can’t control their primal instincts and are at risk of screwing anything with a pulse. But in the adult world, none of this is actually an issue.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 01:35     Subject: DH has two “work wives” and it makes me irrationally crazy
Anonymous wrote:What is the difference between work husband/wife and work friend? Is there an additional element that goes beyond work friendships?



Um, yeah- the additional element is The Patriarchy.
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2024 23:45     Subject: DH has two “work wives” and it makes me irrationally crazy
What is the difference between work husband/wife and work friend? Is there an additional element that goes beyond work friendships?

Anonymous
Post 03/18/2024 23:08     Subject: DH has two “work wives” and it makes me irrationally crazy
I had a work husband. It was completely innocent, both married but it was nice to have camaraderie and someone who was a friend in a workplace with an awful boss.

His wife showed up once with their child during the work day and gave me the death glare. There was nothing going on but she was clearly jealous.

I left that job eventually and didn't keep in touch, so not sure why she was so weird.
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2024 21:29     Subject: DH has two “work wives” and it makes me irrationally crazy
3some at work
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2024 21:24     Subject: Re:DH has two “work wives” and it makes me irrationally crazy
Anonymous wrote:Hm. I don’t think you are being unreasonable. Not comparing your partner to other people is Relationships 101.

My DH had a female colleague who developed feelings for him and tried to incite him into an affair. I only know this because her mother confronted me about it at a company party. She would stare at me in a rude way the two times I remember meeting her. DH said she never spoke to him about it. The only reason I believe him is because her mother told me he had turned down her daughter’s ‘signals’ and insulted me as to why.

The female coworker left the company after that. DH got a new job after I told him I didn’t want him working for this family’s business if he wanted to stay married.

And before random people flame me for this, he got a higher paying, better job that he likes more overall, so I wasn’t being controlling. Toxic work environments are not good for careers.


I'm sorry, can you clear up" The mother was insulting you because your husband wouldn't sleep w/ her daughter? And you said the female coworker left the company. Is it her family who owns the business?
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2024 21:06     Subject: DH has two “work wives” and it makes me irrationally crazy
My kid’s eczema was cured via a coworker’s tip, but that coworker is a 68 year old man (I’m a 45 y.o. woman). There is absolutely nothing “going on” between us.

It seems like everything is fine, OP, can you spend some more time trying to pinpoint what exactly is bothering you?
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2024 20:46     Subject: Re:DH has two “work wives” and it makes me irrationally crazy
My husband always worked with many women. Once when he was a new CEO at a small company and on a Friday I showed up at his office with my three kids to show them where daddy works, he knew I was coming, and I was dressed like a mom. From the receptionist to his assistant and every woman I met I decided I’d never show up there again looking like a mom. His assistant was great and was definitely a work wife but we got along really well.
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2024 20:23     Subject: DH has two “work wives” and it makes me irrationally crazy
Are they prettier than you?

Be honest here. That could be why. We all deal with insecurity. Honestly, you should make up a guy at work that you think is awesome. Imagine how he’d feel.

You’re right to be upset
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2024 12:54     Subject: Re:DH has two “work wives” and it makes me irrationally crazy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Coffee is work-fuel, so that is OK.

Anything that is his body, your body or the kids' bodies is off limits. That is the boundary.


So no talking about your kid’s eczema? That’s crazy by the way.

Right? I want to know how the eczema came up in conversation.
They sound close and are beginning to share personal details of their lives. Emotional affairs are budding.


I come from a family with ezcema sufferers. There is absolutely nothing emotional about it. It’s a painful unsightly nuisance and we are always on the hunt for good options. It’s like a skin allergy. It is emotional and boundary crossing to say you have DC spring allergies?


A lot of medical issues are not emotional. But I like privacy. I'd rather not have random people I've never met know about my health issues, even though objectively speaking pollen allergies are not a sensitive topic.
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2024 08:23     Subject: DH has two “work wives” and it makes me irrationally crazy
From the other thread about the worker being secretive, this is exactly why he wants to be secretive and it’s because he doesn’t want to be accused of being nefarious in anyway.