Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume the parent works overnight. What are your honest thoughts on a (mature, responsible) 16yo and a (mature, responsible) 12yo (both girls) watching themselves 3-4 days a week. The alternative is the parent loses their job, which is niche (think air traffic controller) and salary not easily found elsewhere without experience. Other parent not in picture.

No. It is not ok. A 16 yr old is still a child a she should not be put in a permanent situation where she is responsible for a younger sibling. You are putting the responsibility of HHI on a teenager and this is unconscionable.

This is parentification and unless it’s very short term and finite, not acceptable.

Not ideal but likely single parent losing all or a significant portion of their income would leave everyone in a worse situation.

Anonymous wrote:Not a perfect solution but not unreasonable. You know your kids best. I would have been ok with my 16 year old doing this with a sibling.

My parents left me home alone for weeks as a junior in HS when my sibling in college had mental health issues. I was 17. I didn’t need to watch a younger sibling but I was 100% self sufficient for weeks on end. If both kids are mature I see no issue.

Not ideal - but many / most kids have not ideal circumstances in some way and it’s a trade off between worse options.

One option is to get something like the nannit monitor which you can look in on on your phone. Put cameras in whatever areas they hang out in and your 12yos room if they allow it. You can say goodnight, look in to make sure they got home, be notified if there was ever noise at unexpected times etc

Legally, no, depending on state laws. You could get in trouble if anything happens. Small fire and the FD arrives to find no adult. Either child gets sick or injured and EMS discover no adult is present.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume the parent works overnight. What are your honest thoughts on a (mature, responsible) 16yo and a (mature, responsible) 12yo (both girls) watching themselves 3-4 days a week. The alternative is the parent loses their job, which is niche (think air traffic controller) and salary not easily found elsewhere without experience. Other parent not in picture.

No. It is not ok. A 16 yr old is still a child a she should not be put in a permanent situation where she is responsible for a younger sibling. You are putting the responsibility of HHI on a teenager and this is unconscionable.

This is parentification and unless it’s very short term and finite, not acceptable.

^24/7

Teen parents are responsible for their infants 27/7, so yes, I think a 16 and 12 year old have got this.

I think its fine, and I think potentially better than working like 4-10pm all the time and missing their lives.

I would definitely have a good security and monitoring system, like door sensors. I would also ensure they're each in charge of themselves, but the 16 year old has final say.

16 should not be doing any parenting type duties unless paid and agreeable, but even then, not ideal (like making sure 12 does homework & takes a shower). They can do chores evenly.

I think it’s better than losing your livelihood.

Where do you live? Is it near a university? Maybe you could find a grad student to live in a spare room if you have one?

Also, are you in an apartment? A big building with lots of locks on the door etc would be safer than a house, or at least it might feel safer.

It's fine as long as both your kids NEVER tell anyone that they are spending the night alone. Not their friends, not their teachers, not their coaches or teammates.

If they can keep it to themselves then it is fine. My grandmother had a baby and lived by herself at 16 while her husband worked the night shift.

Makes for a touching personal statement for college admissions!

It comes down to the maturity of the kids and you are the only judge of that. When my oldest was 16 I won,d have trusted him but still be nervous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t sound unreasonable to me, especially if you set up supports in case anything goes wrong, and outside of the overnights the kids have your support and ability to be kids.

At 16 I was staying alone every night with an 18 year old and a cabin ***of*** 10 year olds for 2 months a summer by choice.

If the trade off is financial stability and waking hours with a parent it seems worth it if there are no better options.

Can you type this again in English?

May be because I am not native English speaker, I found PPs post very clear.

Op, as others mentioned it’s not ideal, but doable.

I used to stay alone overnight twice a week for about 2 years between 11-13 (grew up in the 1980’s) as one parent worked in a different city during the week and the other had 28 hour shifts twice a week. Usually got home with the bus, had lunch, dinner, made homework alone, woke up alone, made myself breakfast, & took the bus to school.

At 12 and 16, they’d manage. As others said, important that they’re able to reach you or another trusted adult in an emergency or an issue that they cannot solve on their own.

I think it’s completely fine

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume the parent works overnight. What are your honest thoughts on a (mature, responsible) 16yo and a (mature, responsible) 12yo (both girls) watching themselves 3-4 days a week. The alternative is the parent loses their job, which is niche (think air traffic controller) and salary not easily found elsewhere without experience. Other parent not in picture.

No. It is not ok. A 16 yr old is still a child a she should not be put in a permanent situation where she is responsible for a younger sibling. You are putting the responsibility of HHI on a teenager and this is unconscionable.

Teenagers have these responsibilities in most countries. They care for younger siblings. It’s not ideal, I agree, but in the short terms it’s fine. I would look for a better solution long term.

Lots of things are fine in other countries. It isn't ok in this country. OP is dumping parental responsibilities on her 16 year old daughter. If this were for a couple of weeks, ok, but this is permanent. It is OP''s problem nota 16 year old problem.