At the ball game, my wife got drunk and simulated fellatio on a corn dog. The people around us cheered her on, the men leering, the women sneering at this atrocious behavior. I whispered in wife's ear that she must desist at once but she said, and I quote: "F--k off you fuddy-duddy, I'm havin' a good time here."

How do I change my wife from a saloon gal to a lady of proper manners and demeanor? She did not act like this before we were married. I feel cheated, like I've bought a "pig in a poke".

Anonymous wrote:I’m looking for my next good read. Any book suggestions?

Jared Kushner’s forthcoming book.

Anonymous wrote:I’m looking for my next good read. Any book suggestions?

Katie Kazoo Switcheroo.

Anonymous wrote:I am a WOHM. Why do I still have to do all the SAHM work? Kids, chores, cleaning, cooking? Where have all the cowboys gone?

Ride 'em, Cowgirl!

I’m looking for my next good read. Any book suggestions?

I am a WOHM. Why do I still have to do all the SAHM work? Kids, chores, cleaning, cooking? Where have all the cowboys gone?

I am a DW. Can I have a lesbian affair with permission from my DH?

- Married But Available (MBA)

Anonymous wrote:What do I say when I answer my phone and someone calls? Used to texting. Halp

“Oprah?”

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I disagree on tipping. I say 20% unless the service is really bad and he says 10% unless they perform the heimlich in which case he’ll leave 15%. What should I do?

Take a magic 8-ball with you.

Anonymous wrote:I spend too much time on DCUM reading threads like this. Although I must say this is my favorite thread in a long time. But how do I break free?

Donate your computer, iPad and smartphone.

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Anonymous wrote:Can I lock all the bathrooms in my house if I am hosting a party for 150 people?

Only if there’re buckets available.

PP should do out outdoor compost pile

Anonymous wrote:Can I lock all the bathrooms in my house if I am hosting a party for 150 people?

Only if there’re buckets available.

Anonymous wrote:I need a new career after being a SAHM a long time. What job should I get?

Contortionist.

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Anonymous wrote:I need bad advice, but I’m unsure of the topic on which I need the bad advice. Help please!

Go wait forever at a bus stop that isn’t on a route anymore.

Ok, now what?

Sit there fir a few and I’ll get back to you soon. I’m the mean time, lick the seat. Are you vaccinated?

Ok, thanks.

I’m following all the vaccine threads closely before I make my call on that. Can’t be too careful.

Smart lady. Watch out for gators I hear they are on the loose now. If one comes up you can flash your iPhone light at them and they’ll scuttle away. BRB

Ok. Still waiting. No gators yet, but a mob of angry vegans came and stole all my potatoes.

Bus Stop person, do you need more potatoes? Keep us posted.

She never clarified, but I worked with all the SAHMs in my Lyons Village, PA community to send a truck of potatoes her way. They are driving as fast as they can but the maximum speed with the load is 13 MPH.

Update: OP, the guys are stopping to pick me up. I’m bringing Wawa, I know you’re thirsty. If you get a bus to stop for a booby let me know. We are driving as fast as we can but there is a cop behind us.

Anonymous wrote:How many slices of fruit do you have a day? Are they candied?

2 apple slices with mustard and tuna.