Anonymous
05/31/2016 14:12
Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Lean in. Work your network if you really want back into working. Men usually never left. Working women understand. Work the women network. I'd start forging relationships with women who work in your industry.
Do you really think working women understand? I mean, I never quit - worked straight through 3 kids in 4 years, still going. Would I hire someone who was out of the workforce to stay home with her kids for a few years? Probably not. Everytime we post a position, we get tons of resumes and I don't even look at people who aren't working - for whatever reason. There's enough good talent to just poach from another company. Why would I want to take a gamble on somebody who has not been working? Time waits for no one.
I agree.
The one area in which SAHMs face a disadvantage in my mind is that even when they are ready to go back to work, many of them really don't understand the need for their family dynamics to shift, so as to prioritize the former SAHM's job. The husband has to immediately do more with kids and house, and the family needs at least one backup childcare plan. Even when my engineer and lawyer SAHM friends want to work, they often underestimate these things.
I think it's fairly obvious what needs to change in order for a SAH parent to go back to work. In my mind the biggest problem is getting the working partner to do more at home once they have grown accustomed to having a stay at home spouse doing everything.
In our situation my husband was at work or at school and simply could not be two places at once. He was one person and I handled the majority of the home front but that wasn't because my husband was a slacker or I was a martyr - we both considered what we were doing to be important for our family and the right thing for our family. It was hard when the kids were little but it got easier as they got older. And having the support of my little network really helped. A LOT.
Anonymous
05/31/2016 13:07
Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Lean in. Work your network if you really want back into working. Men usually never left. Working women understand. Work the women network. I'd start forging relationships with women who work in your industry.
Do you really think working women understand? I mean, I never quit - worked straight through 3 kids in 4 years, still going. Would I hire someone who was out of the workforce to stay home with her kids for a few years? Probably not. Everytime we post a position, we get tons of resumes and I don't even look at people who aren't working - for whatever reason. There's enough good talent to just poach from another company. Why would I want to take a gamble on somebody who has not been working? Time waits for no one.
I agree.
The one area in which SAHMs face a disadvantage in my mind is that even when they are ready to go back to work, many of them really don't understand the need for their family dynamics to shift, so as to prioritize the former SAHM's job. The husband has to immediately do more with kids and house, and the family needs at least one backup childcare plan. Even when my engineer and lawyer SAHM friends want to work, they often underestimate these things.
I think it's fairly obvious what needs to change in order for a SAH parent to go back to work. In my mind the biggest problem is getting the working partner to do more at home once they have grown accustomed to having a stay at home spouse doing everything.
Anonymous
05/31/2016 11:25
Subject: Re:Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:All of these posts about men wanting wives to return to work. My kids are grown and gone except for one high schooler. I work 25 hours a week, but am well-compensated. My DH would throw a party if I quit. He would be thrilled. He is super supportive and certainly does his share at home. But he liked it much better when I was home full time.
Of course he liked it when you SAH. You did all the grunt work.
Anonymous
05/31/2016 10:07
Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Lean in. Work your network if you really want back into working. Men usually never left. Working women understand. Work the women network. I'd start forging relationships with women who work in your industry.
Do you really think working women understand? I mean, I never quit - worked straight through 3 kids in 4 years, still going. Would I hire someone who was out of the workforce to stay home with her kids for a few years? Probably not. Everytime we post a position, we get tons of resumes and I don't even look at people who aren't working - for whatever reason. There's enough good talent to just poach from another company. Why would I want to take a gamble on somebody who has not been working? Time waits for no one.
I agree.
The one area in which SAHMs face a disadvantage in my mind is that even when they are ready to go back to work, many of them really don't understand the need for their family dynamics to shift, so as to prioritize the former SAHM's job. The husband has to immediately do more with kids and house, and the family needs at least one backup childcare plan. Even when my engineer and lawyer SAHM friends want to work, they often underestimate these things.
That actually really surprises me that, in your opinion, SAHMs tend to underestimate the need for back up childcare and the logistics of getting things done at home. Those were actually some of the reasons that I chose to SAH in the first place. And the fact is, SAHMs do need to have back up emergency childcare in place since they don't have regular daycare to send their kids to every time they have a doctors appt.
My SAH friends usually rely on their spouses to WAH or take time off so they can do self care.
That wouldn't have worked in my own situation as my husband also went to night school and sometimes traveled for work. I used a combo of preschool, other moms in the neighborhood and my own mom as back ups. I also knew that I had some nice neighbors that would have helped out if I had ever gotten into a jam. I was lucky to have a network like that.
From the time my 1st was 6 mos old, I always had one morning a week free -- first via nanny share with a friend and then 'parents day out' at our church preschool. Supplemented that by participating in a babysitting co-op. I used that time for dr. appointments (esp. lots of those when expecting #2 and then when #2 had some health issues), haircuts, getting lots of errands done quickly, etc.
Anonymous
05/31/2016 09:32
Subject: Re:Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
I'm a woh who was once a Sah. Whenever I hear a another working mom make a nasty comment about sahs or read one here, I think the speaker is deeply unhappy with her own choices. I assune this is a pretty universal reaction, well adjusted happy people don't go around attacking entire groups of people they don't know.
Anonymous
05/31/2016 09:32
Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Lean in. Work your network if you really want back into working. Men usually never left. Working women understand. Work the women network. I'd start forging relationships with women who work in your industry.
Do you really think working women understand? I mean, I never quit - worked straight through 3 kids in 4 years, still going. Would I hire someone who was out of the workforce to stay home with her kids for a few years? Probably not. Everytime we post a position, we get tons of resumes and I don't even look at people who aren't working - for whatever reason. There's enough good talent to just poach from another company. Why would I want to take a gamble on somebody who has not been working? Time waits for no one.
I agree.
The one area in which SAHMs face a disadvantage in my mind is that even when they are ready to go back to work, many of them really don't understand the need for their family dynamics to shift, so as to prioritize the former SAHM's job. The husband has to immediately do more with kids and house, and the family needs at least one backup childcare plan. Even when my engineer and lawyer SAHM friends want to work, they often underestimate these things.
That actually really surprises me that, in your opinion, SAHMs tend to underestimate the need for back up childcare and the logistics of getting things done at home. Those were actually some of the reasons that I chose to SAH in the first place. And the fact is, SAHMs do need to have back up emergency childcare in place since they don't have regular daycare to send their kids to every time they have a doctors appt.
My SAH friends usually rely on their spouses to WAH or take time off so they can do self care.
That wouldn't have worked in my own situation as my husband also went to night school and sometimes traveled for work. I used a combo of preschool, other moms in the neighborhood and my own mom as back ups. I also knew that I had some nice neighbors that would have helped out if I had ever gotten into a jam. I was lucky to have a network like that.
Anonymous
05/31/2016 09:06
Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Lean in. Work your network if you really want back into working. Men usually never left. Working women understand. Work the women network. I'd start forging relationships with women who work in your industry.
Do you really think working women understand? I mean, I never quit - worked straight through 3 kids in 4 years, still going. Would I hire someone who was out of the workforce to stay home with her kids for a few years? Probably not. Everytime we post a position, we get tons of resumes and I don't even look at people who aren't working - for whatever reason. There's enough good talent to just poach from another company. Why would I want to take a gamble on somebody who has not been working? Time waits for no one.
I agree.
The one area in which SAHMs face a disadvantage in my mind is that even when they are ready to go back to work, many of them really don't understand the need for their family dynamics to shift, so as to prioritize the former SAHM's job. The husband has to immediately do more with kids and house, and the family needs at least one backup childcare plan. Even when my engineer and lawyer SAHM friends want to work, they often underestimate these things.
That actually really surprises me that, in your opinion, SAHMs tend to underestimate the need for back up childcare and the logistics of getting things done at home. Those were actually some of the reasons that I chose to SAH in the first place. And the fact is, SAHMs do need to have back up emergency childcare in place since they don't have regular daycare to send their kids to every time they have a doctors appt.
My SAH friends usually rely on their spouses to WAH or take time off so they can do self care.
Anonymous
05/31/2016 09:04
Subject: Re:Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
All of these posts about men wanting wives to return to work. My kids are grown and gone except for one high schooler. I work 25 hours a week, but am well-compensated. My DH would throw a party if I quit. He would be thrilled. He is super supportive and certainly does his share at home. But he liked it much better when I was home full time.
Anonymous
05/31/2016 08:58
Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Lean in. Work your network if you really want back into working. Men usually never left. Working women understand. Work the women network. I'd start forging relationships with women who work in your industry.
Do you really think working women understand? I mean, I never quit - worked straight through 3 kids in 4 years, still going. Would I hire someone who was out of the workforce to stay home with her kids for a few years? Probably not. Everytime we post a position, we get tons of resumes and I don't even look at people who aren't working - for whatever reason. There's enough good talent to just poach from another company. Why would I want to take a gamble on somebody who has not been working? Time waits for no one.
I agree.
The one area in which SAHMs face a disadvantage in my mind is that even when they are ready to go back to work, many of them really don't understand the need for their family dynamics to shift, so as to prioritize the former SAHM's job. The husband has to immediately do more with kids and house, and the family needs at least one backup childcare plan. Even when my engineer and lawyer SAHM friends want to work, they often underestimate these things.
That actually really surprises me that, in your opinion, SAHMs tend to underestimate the need for back up childcare and the logistics of getting things done at home. Those were actually some of the reasons that I chose to SAH in the first place. And the fact is, SAHMs do need to have back up emergency childcare in place since they don't have regular daycare to send their kids to every time they have a doctors appt.
Anonymous
05/31/2016 08:27
Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Lean in. Work your network if you really want back into working. Men usually never left. Working women understand. Work the women network. I'd start forging relationships with women who work in your industry.
Do you really think working women understand? I mean, I never quit - worked straight through 3 kids in 4 years, still going. Would I hire someone who was out of the workforce to stay home with her kids for a few years? Probably not. Everytime we post a position, we get tons of resumes and I don't even look at people who aren't working - for whatever reason. There's enough good talent to just poach from another company. Why would I want to take a gamble on somebody who has not been working? Time waits for no one.
I agree.
The one area in which SAHMs face a disadvantage in my mind is that even when they are ready to go back to work, many of them really don't understand the need for their family dynamics to shift, so as to prioritize the former SAHM's job. The husband has to immediately do more with kids and house, and the family needs at least one backup childcare plan. Even when my engineer and lawyer SAHM friends want to work, they often underestimate these things.
Anonymous
05/31/2016 08:23
Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:For sure, being SAH is hard work. No argument here. Getting back into the workforce is a lot harder than most think once they step out for years with advanced degrees.
You'll start at the end of the pack and have to work your way up with kids half your age. Reality.
Once the youngest child is in K, it's really not hard work. Before then, sure.
Anonymous
05/31/2016 08:16
Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:SAH is hard work in the way that digging a ditch or slinging fries is hard work. It's perfect for the unintelligent and uninspired.
And what do you do for a living?
Anonymous
05/31/2016 07:10
Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Lean in. Work your network if you really want back into working. Men usually never left. Working women understand. Work the women network. I'd start forging relationships with women who work in your industry.
Do you really think working women understand? I mean, I never quit - worked straight through 3 kids in 4 years, still going. Would I hire someone who was out of the workforce to stay home with her kids for a few years? Probably not. Everytime we post a position, we get tons of resumes and I don't even look at people who aren't working - for whatever reason. There's enough good talent to just poach from another company. Why would I want to take a gamble on somebody who has not been working? Time waits for no one.
Plus y hire someone with the intellectual curiosity of a spoon??? I
Anonymous
05/31/2016 07:05
Subject: Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
SAH is hard work in the way that digging a ditch or slinging fries is hard work. It's perfect for the unintelligent and uninspired.
Anonymous
05/30/2016 22:33
Subject: Re:Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Kids say what they feel and I care (deeply) how my kids feel. That's why I believe a parent should be home with them and they deserve two loving involved parents. You can't just pretend that all family situations turn out beautifully.
These parents who never see their kids (I'm talking about the double nanny type families) - we can agree to disagree that that is any way to raise children.
I agree that having one parent who never sees his kids but thinks his kids will be ok because the other parent SAH is no way to raise children.
I agree and I think this is a common trap of the SAHM lifestyle.
And hardly seeing your kids is a trap of a dual working family.
The single earner in a single earner family probably sees the kids less than either parent in a dual WOH home.
My single earned DH works 40 hours a week, 10 minutes from home, and works from home frequently.