Anonymous wrote:Look, he chose actions that hid the truth. For years. Whilst banging and cunnilinging away.
Who wants to keep a baby daddy like that?
Why have a spouse or live in like that?
What else will he choose to hide other things?
And no, not everyone has HSV2. Under 20% of US pop and declining by age group.
Not everyone has HSV1 either.
I don't. DH doesn't. Tested and rechecked because we have concierge doc and paid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm very sorry you are going thru this. Unfortunately, I have a family member who went through something similar (i.e. a partner who had herpes) and I myself ended up with someone who had undisclosed herpes.

My view of this through my family member's experience shaped my own decision years later. My family member was pregnant, her husband had herpes. I don't know what the discussion was about that - whether he disclosed - prior to pregnancy, but I do know that she discovered that her baby was anencephalic (meaning developed without a brain) in the 8th month, as a consequence of herpes infection during pregnancy. She went through the trauma of deciding whether to have an abortion or birth the baby, the latter of which also involved thinking about whether the baby would be provided life saving supports like intubation, resuscitation, etc. if necessary. She decided to have an abortion, and when she went to the hospital for the procedure, she was informed that the baby was already without a heartbeat, and she ended up having a stillbirth. Because I worked in reproductive health policy at the time, the couple turned to me to ask questions about abortion, where to get one, how to handle the stillbirth, whether they should see the baby after birth, etc. The whole situation was heartbreaking.

More than 2 decades later, I came to find out that my partner, father of my child, also had herpes and actively hid the infection from me. I won't get into how I found out. He tried to convince me of what many are saying on this thread -- "it's only oral herpes, everyone has that and it's not dangerous". Except his oral herpes can be transmitted to my genitals through oral sex, so IMO he should have disclosed to me and let me make my own decision about whether to continue to have sex with him. He also tried to say he had it before we met, and it wasn't through any cheating, but that, OFC, turned out to be false.

TBH, I was never able to get past the lies. Sex with him started to feel very rapey to me - he was not giving me full informed consent to our sex. He lied about the herpes deliberately because he was afraid I would make a choice he didn't like, so he chose to control the information I had so that I would continue to sleep with him. I had no idea what was going on and exposed myself and a child (because I was pregnant after he knew he had herpes but before I knew he had herpes). Having had my family experience with pregnancy and herpes, I just could not accept the level of risk he was willing to place on me without my knowledge.

I asked him to move out. I kept full custody of our 2 children, who were only toddlers at the time, and he had visitation. Was it hard? Frightfully, but staying and raising children with a partner who was fundamentally a danger to me and the kids would have been way worse. The kind of person who would be so reckless and manipulative, also presented similar character problems as our children grew into adults. I was never going to be able to change him into the kind of person who would care about others, protect them and do the thing that would be hard for him but better for others.

There is not a day I have looked back and wished I stayed with him. I only wish I had left immediately, instead of taking a year to try and hear his side of the story (a story that he gaslight and trickle-truther about), get couples therapy, etc.

OFC, YMMV. What you decide to do is your choice.

I just wanted to share that it is OK to take this situation seriously and to end a relationship over it. I chose safety for myself, and that is OK.

Sorry this all happened to you PP. I also have a friend who lost a baby to a similar situation-late term baby developed without a brain. Not sure if she also has herpes but I have noticed her with a cold sore before so that could have been why.

Let's explain that. It's called anencephaly. It is a neural tube defect that begins in the first few weeks of pregnancy, one of the causes is a lack of folate, among others, as well as bad luck, like many congenital anomalies. No, it does not come from herpes for the love of God. Where the F did you come up with that? You need to realize thar millions of women have herpes, and no, it's not just the men spreading it around. There's HSV1 and HSV 2, and both can present upstairs and downstairs. If there is a possibility of a vaginal birth with herpes, there's all good ways to prevent that. It's NOT A PROBLEM.
What is worse? A staph infection, not even an STD. Mom can have that on her own, not partner driven.

Can the stupid ones just shut up today? The woman above decided to leave her husband with 2 kids over cold sores. I mean, there are crazy people. Let's not normalize it.

"This can cause a baby to grow without a brain"
"It's NOT A PROBLEM"

I JUST EXPLAINED THAT HERPES HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANENCEPHALY. Nothing at all. I explained what causes it, I explained when it happens, I explained what happens when one has herpes, and anencephaly is not a result. What could you have possibly missed here?

Herpes, is what I said, is not a problem and can be managed. There will be no anencephalic babies due to herpes.

Look- all of you, due to the fact that most of you are only reading short tidbits of material coming at you all the time, Tik Tik videos, social media, streaming TV- you have lost all reading comprehension. And...you are amazingly dumb. This is a problem. You are going to have trouble navigating life, relationships, work, and we already see what happens at the election site- we are already i serious trouble. Learn to read, learn the big words, learn to use critically thinking, learn to come to reasonable conclusions.

"If you're mad about your life partner lying and infecting you with an STD you're just amazingly dumb!"

No thanks. I don't want what you're selling. Men shouldn't scam women and assault them and get away with it. And the men defending him? Utter disgust.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The weirdest thing about this thread is that statistically, most of the posters here also have HSV-1? It is ubiquitous. Most people have the virus that causes cold sores. Again: most people have it.

Most people do NOT have the virus that causes genital herpes, and yes, while there can be a crossover, that is the very rare exception.

Nope, not rare at all. HSV can be genital, absolutely.

Anonymous wrote:The weirdest thing about this thread is that statistically, most of the posters here also have HSV-1? It is ubiquitous. Most people have the virus that causes cold sores. Again: most people have it.

Most people do NOT have the virus that causes genital herpes, and yes, while there can be a crossover, that is the very rare exception.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm very sorry you are going thru this. Unfortunately, I have a family member who went through something similar (i.e. a partner who had herpes) and I myself ended up with someone who had undisclosed herpes.

My view of this through my family member's experience shaped my own decision years later. My family member was pregnant, her husband had herpes. I don't know what the discussion was about that - whether he disclosed - prior to pregnancy, but I do know that she discovered that her baby was anencephalic (meaning developed without a brain) in the 8th month, as a consequence of herpes infection during pregnancy. She went through the trauma of deciding whether to have an abortion or birth the baby, the latter of which also involved thinking about whether the baby would be provided life saving supports like intubation, resuscitation, etc. if necessary. She decided to have an abortion, and when she went to the hospital for the procedure, she was informed that the baby was already without a heartbeat, and she ended up having a stillbirth. Because I worked in reproductive health policy at the time, the couple turned to me to ask questions about abortion, where to get one, how to handle the stillbirth, whether they should see the baby after birth, etc. The whole situation was heartbreaking.

More than 2 decades later, I came to find out that my partner, father of my child, also had herpes and actively hid the infection from me. I won't get into how I found out. He tried to convince me of what many are saying on this thread -- "it's only oral herpes, everyone has that and it's not dangerous". Except his oral herpes can be transmitted to my genitals through oral sex, so IMO he should have disclosed to me and let me make my own decision about whether to continue to have sex with him. He also tried to say he had it before we met, and it wasn't through any cheating, but that, OFC, turned out to be false.

TBH, I was never able to get past the lies. Sex with him started to feel very rapey to me - he was not giving me full informed consent to our sex. He lied about the herpes deliberately because he was afraid I would make a choice he didn't like, so he chose to control the information I had so that I would continue to sleep with him. I had no idea what was going on and exposed myself and a child (because I was pregnant after he knew he had herpes but before I knew he had herpes). Having had my family experience with pregnancy and herpes, I just could not accept the level of risk he was willing to place on me without my knowledge.

I asked him to move out. I kept full custody of our 2 children, who were only toddlers at the time, and he had visitation. Was it hard? Frightfully, but staying and raising children with a partner who was fundamentally a danger to me and the kids would have been way worse. The kind of person who would be so reckless and manipulative, also presented similar character problems as our children grew into adults. I was never going to be able to change him into the kind of person who would care about others, protect them and do the thing that would be hard for him but better for others.

There is not a day I have looked back and wished I stayed with him. I only wish I had left immediately, instead of taking a year to try and hear his side of the story (a story that he gaslight and trickle-truther about), get couples therapy, etc.

OFC, YMMV. What you decide to do is your choice.

I just wanted to share that it is OK to take this situation seriously and to end a relationship over it. I chose safety for myself, and that is OK.

Sorry this all happened to you PP. I also have a friend who lost a baby to a similar situation-late term baby developed without a brain. Not sure if she also has herpes but I have noticed her with a cold sore before so that could have been why.

Let's explain that. It's called anencephaly. It is a neural tube defect that begins in the first few weeks of pregnancy, one of the causes is a lack of folate, among others, as well as bad luck, like many congenital anomalies. No, it does not come from herpes for the love of God. Where the F did you come up with that? You need to realize thar millions of women have herpes, and no, it's not just the men spreading it around. There's HSV1 and HSV 2, and both can present upstairs and downstairs. If there is a possibility of a vaginal birth with herpes, there's all good ways to prevent that. It's NOT A PROBLEM.
What is worse? A staph infection, not even an STD. Mom can have that on her own, not partner driven.

Can the stupid ones just shut up today? The woman above decided to leave her husband with 2 kids over cold sores. I mean, there are crazy people. Let's not normalize it.

"There are three main types of neonatal herpes. Healthcare providers classify the condition according to the parts of a baby’s body that HSV affects:

Skin, eye and mouth disease (SEM disease). Fluid-filled blisters form on your baby’s skin, in their mouth and around their eyes.
CNS disease (brain disease). The virus grows and multiplies in your baby’s central nervous system, affecting their brain and spinal cord. Your baby may not have signs or symptoms early on, and blisters may not form on their skin.
Disseminated disease: The virus affects multiple parts of your baby’s body, including major organs like their liver and lungs. In some cases, it affects your baby’s brain."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm very sorry you are going thru this. Unfortunately, I have a family member who went through something similar (i.e. a partner who had herpes) and I myself ended up with someone who had undisclosed herpes.

My view of this through my family member's experience shaped my own decision years later. My family member was pregnant, her husband had herpes. I don't know what the discussion was about that - whether he disclosed - prior to pregnancy, but I do know that she discovered that her baby was anencephalic (meaning developed without a brain) in the 8th month, as a consequence of herpes infection during pregnancy. She went through the trauma of deciding whether to have an abortion or birth the baby, the latter of which also involved thinking about whether the baby would be provided life saving supports like intubation, resuscitation, etc. if necessary. She decided to have an abortion, and when she went to the hospital for the procedure, she was informed that the baby was already without a heartbeat, and she ended up having a stillbirth. Because I worked in reproductive health policy at the time, the couple turned to me to ask questions about abortion, where to get one, how to handle the stillbirth, whether they should see the baby after birth, etc. The whole situation was heartbreaking.

More than 2 decades later, I came to find out that my partner, father of my child, also had herpes and actively hid the infection from me. I won't get into how I found out. He tried to convince me of what many are saying on this thread -- "it's only oral herpes, everyone has that and it's not dangerous". Except his oral herpes can be transmitted to my genitals through oral sex, so IMO he should have disclosed to me and let me make my own decision about whether to continue to have sex with him. He also tried to say he had it before we met, and it wasn't through any cheating, but that, OFC, turned out to be false.

TBH, I was never able to get past the lies. Sex with him started to feel very rapey to me - he was not giving me full informed consent to our sex. He lied about the herpes deliberately because he was afraid I would make a choice he didn't like, so he chose to control the information I had so that I would continue to sleep with him. I had no idea what was going on and exposed myself and a child (because I was pregnant after he knew he had herpes but before I knew he had herpes). Having had my family experience with pregnancy and herpes, I just could not accept the level of risk he was willing to place on me without my knowledge.

I asked him to move out. I kept full custody of our 2 children, who were only toddlers at the time, and he had visitation. Was it hard? Frightfully, but staying and raising children with a partner who was fundamentally a danger to me and the kids would have been way worse. The kind of person who would be so reckless and manipulative, also presented similar character problems as our children grew into adults. I was never going to be able to change him into the kind of person who would care about others, protect them and do the thing that would be hard for him but better for others.

There is not a day I have looked back and wished I stayed with him. I only wish I had left immediately, instead of taking a year to try and hear his side of the story (a story that he gaslight and trickle-truther about), get couples therapy, etc.

OFC, YMMV. What you decide to do is your choice.

I just wanted to share that it is OK to take this situation seriously and to end a relationship over it. I chose safety for myself, and that is OK.

Sorry this all happened to you PP. I also have a friend who lost a baby to a similar situation-late term baby developed without a brain. Not sure if she also has herpes but I have noticed her with a cold sore before so that could have been why.

Let's explain that. It's called anencephaly. It is a neural tube defect that begins in the first few weeks of pregnancy, one of the causes is a lack of folate, among others, as well as bad luck, like many congenital anomalies. No, it does not come from herpes for the love of God. Where the F did you come up with that? You need to realize thar millions of women have herpes, and no, it's not just the men spreading it around. There's HSV1 and HSV 2, and both can present upstairs and downstairs. If there is a possibility of a vaginal birth with herpes, there's all good ways to prevent that. It's NOT A PROBLEM.
What is worse? A staph infection, not even an STD. Mom can have that on her own, not partner driven.

Can the stupid ones just shut up today? The woman above decided to leave her husband with 2 kids over cold sores. I mean, there are crazy people. Let's not normalize it.

"This can cause a baby to grow without a brain"
"It's NOT A PROBLEM"

I JUST EXPLAINED THAT HERPES HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANENCEPHALY. Nothing at all. I explained what causes it, I explained when it happens, I explained what happens when one has herpes, and anencephaly is not a result. What could you have possibly missed here?

Herpes, is what I said, is not a problem and can be managed. There will be no anencephalic babies due to herpes.

Look- all of you, due to the fact that most of you are only reading short tidbits of material coming at you all the time, Tik Tik videos, social media, streaming TV- you have lost all reading comprehension. And...you are amazingly dumb. This is a problem. You are going to have trouble navigating life, relationships, work, and we already see what happens at the election site- we are already i serious trouble. Learn to read, learn the big words, learn to use critically thinking, learn to come to reasonable conclusions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

Why is a 20 year old with a divorced old man?

Honestly, the bold is a little suspect. Why did he look at the health results when he found out you were pregnant? Because consciously or unconsciously he knew he had a sexually transmitted disease that he could have passed to the baby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm very sorry you are going thru this. Unfortunately, I have a family member who went through something similar (i.e. a partner who had herpes) and I myself ended up with someone who had undisclosed herpes.

My view of this through my family member's experience shaped my own decision years later. My family member was pregnant, her husband had herpes. I don't know what the discussion was about that - whether he disclosed - prior to pregnancy, but I do know that she discovered that her baby was anencephalic (meaning developed without a brain) in the 8th month, as a consequence of herpes infection during pregnancy. She went through the trauma of deciding whether to have an abortion or birth the baby, the latter of which also involved thinking about whether the baby would be provided life saving supports like intubation, resuscitation, etc. if necessary. She decided to have an abortion, and when she went to the hospital for the procedure, she was informed that the baby was already without a heartbeat, and she ended up having a stillbirth. Because I worked in reproductive health policy at the time, the couple turned to me to ask questions about abortion, where to get one, how to handle the stillbirth, whether they should see the baby after birth, etc. The whole situation was heartbreaking.

More than 2 decades later, I came to find out that my partner, father of my child, also had herpes and actively hid the infection from me. I won't get into how I found out. He tried to convince me of what many are saying on this thread -- "it's only oral herpes, everyone has that and it's not dangerous". Except his oral herpes can be transmitted to my genitals through oral sex, so IMO he should have disclosed to me and let me make my own decision about whether to continue to have sex with him. He also tried to say he had it before we met, and it wasn't through any cheating, but that, OFC, turned out to be false.

TBH, I was never able to get past the lies. Sex with him started to feel very rapey to me - he was not giving me full informed consent to our sex. He lied about the herpes deliberately because he was afraid I would make a choice he didn't like, so he chose to control the information I had so that I would continue to sleep with him. I had no idea what was going on and exposed myself and a child (because I was pregnant after he knew he had herpes but before I knew he had herpes). Having had my family experience with pregnancy and herpes, I just could not accept the level of risk he was willing to place on me without my knowledge.

I asked him to move out. I kept full custody of our 2 children, who were only toddlers at the time, and he had visitation. Was it hard? Frightfully, but staying and raising children with a partner who was fundamentally a danger to me and the kids would have been way worse. The kind of person who would be so reckless and manipulative, also presented similar character problems as our children grew into adults. I was never going to be able to change him into the kind of person who would care about others, protect them and do the thing that would be hard for him but better for others.

There is not a day I have looked back and wished I stayed with him. I only wish I had left immediately, instead of taking a year to try and hear his side of the story (a story that he gaslight and trickle-truther about), get couples therapy, etc.

OFC, YMMV. What you decide to do is your choice.

I just wanted to share that it is OK to take this situation seriously and to end a relationship over it. I chose safety for myself, and that is OK.

Sorry this all happened to you PP. I also have a friend who lost a baby to a similar situation-late term baby developed without a brain. Not sure if she also has herpes but I have noticed her with a cold sore before so that could have been why.

Let's explain that. It's called anencephaly. It is a neural tube defect that begins in the first few weeks of pregnancy, one of the causes is a lack of folate, among others, as well as bad luck, like many congenital anomalies. No, it does not come from herpes for the love of God. Where the F did you come up with that? You need to realize thar millions of women have herpes, and no, it's not just the men spreading it around. There's HSV1 and HSV 2, and both can present upstairs and downstairs. If there is a possibility of a vaginal birth with herpes, there's all good ways to prevent that. It's NOT A PROBLEM.
What is worse? A staph infection, not even an STD. Mom can have that on her own, not partner driven.

Can the stupid ones just shut up today? The woman above decided to leave her husband with 2 kids over cold sores. I mean, there are crazy people. Let's not normalize it.

"There are three main types of neonatal herpes. Healthcare providers classify the condition according to the parts of a baby’s body that HSV affects:

Skin, eye and mouth disease (SEM disease). Fluid-filled blisters form on your baby’s skin, in their mouth and around their eyes.
CNS disease (brain disease). The virus grows and multiplies in your baby’s central nervous system, affecting their brain and spinal cord. Your baby may not have signs or symptoms early on, and blisters may not form on their skin.
Disseminated disease: The virus affects multiple parts of your baby’s body, including major organs like their liver and lungs. In some cases, it affects your baby’s brain."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm very sorry you are going thru this. Unfortunately, I have a family member who went through something similar (i.e. a partner who had herpes) and I myself ended up with someone who had undisclosed herpes.

My view of this through my family member's experience shaped my own decision years later. My family member was pregnant, her husband had herpes. I don't know what the discussion was about that - whether he disclosed - prior to pregnancy, but I do know that she discovered that her baby was anencephalic (meaning developed without a brain) in the 8th month, as a consequence of herpes infection during pregnancy. She went through the trauma of deciding whether to have an abortion or birth the baby, the latter of which also involved thinking about whether the baby would be provided life saving supports like intubation, resuscitation, etc. if necessary. She decided to have an abortion, and when she went to the hospital for the procedure, she was informed that the baby was already without a heartbeat, and she ended up having a stillbirth. Because I worked in reproductive health policy at the time, the couple turned to me to ask questions about abortion, where to get one, how to handle the stillbirth, whether they should see the baby after birth, etc. The whole situation was heartbreaking.

More than 2 decades later, I came to find out that my partner, father of my child, also had herpes and actively hid the infection from me. I won't get into how I found out. He tried to convince me of what many are saying on this thread -- "it's only oral herpes, everyone has that and it's not dangerous". Except his oral herpes can be transmitted to my genitals through oral sex, so IMO he should have disclosed to me and let me make my own decision about whether to continue to have sex with him. He also tried to say he had it before we met, and it wasn't through any cheating, but that, OFC, turned out to be false.

TBH, I was never able to get past the lies. Sex with him started to feel very rapey to me - he was not giving me full informed consent to our sex. He lied about the herpes deliberately because he was afraid I would make a choice he didn't like, so he chose to control the information I had so that I would continue to sleep with him. I had no idea what was going on and exposed myself and a child (because I was pregnant after he knew he had herpes but before I knew he had herpes). Having had my family experience with pregnancy and herpes, I just could not accept the level of risk he was willing to place on me without my knowledge.

I asked him to move out. I kept full custody of our 2 children, who were only toddlers at the time, and he had visitation. Was it hard? Frightfully, but staying and raising children with a partner who was fundamentally a danger to me and the kids would have been way worse. The kind of person who would be so reckless and manipulative, also presented similar character problems as our children grew into adults. I was never going to be able to change him into the kind of person who would care about others, protect them and do the thing that would be hard for him but better for others.

There is not a day I have looked back and wished I stayed with him. I only wish I had left immediately, instead of taking a year to try and hear his side of the story (a story that he gaslight and trickle-truther about), get couples therapy, etc.

OFC, YMMV. What you decide to do is your choice.

I just wanted to share that it is OK to take this situation seriously and to end a relationship over it. I chose safety for myself, and that is OK.

Sorry this all happened to you PP. I also have a friend who lost a baby to a similar situation-late term baby developed without a brain. Not sure if she also has herpes but I have noticed her with a cold sore before so that could have been why.

Let's explain that. It's called anencephaly. It is a neural tube defect that begins in the first few weeks of pregnancy, one of the causes is a lack of folate, among others, as well as bad luck, like many congenital anomalies. No, it does not come from herpes for the love of God. Where the F did you come up with that? You need to realize thar millions of women have herpes, and no, it's not just the men spreading it around. There's HSV1 and HSV 2, and both can present upstairs and downstairs. If there is a possibility of a vaginal birth with herpes, there's all good ways to prevent that. It's NOT A PROBLEM.
What is worse? A staph infection, not even an STD. Mom can have that on her own, not partner driven.

Can the stupid ones just shut up today? The woman above decided to leave her husband with 2 kids over cold sores. I mean, there are crazy people. Let's not normalize it.

"This can cause a baby to grow without a brain"
"It's NOT A PROBLEM"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm very sorry you are going thru this. Unfortunately, I have a family member who went through something similar (i.e. a partner who had herpes) and I myself ended up with someone who had undisclosed herpes.

My view of this through my family member's experience shaped my own decision years later. My family member was pregnant, her husband had herpes. I don't know what the discussion was about that - whether he disclosed - prior to pregnancy, but I do know that she discovered that her baby was anencephalic (meaning developed without a brain) in the 8th month, as a consequence of herpes infection during pregnancy. She went through the trauma of deciding whether to have an abortion or birth the baby, the latter of which also involved thinking about whether the baby would be provided life saving supports like intubation, resuscitation, etc. if necessary. She decided to have an abortion, and when she went to the hospital for the procedure, she was informed that the baby was already without a heartbeat, and she ended up having a stillbirth. Because I worked in reproductive health policy at the time, the couple turned to me to ask questions about abortion, where to get one, how to handle the stillbirth, whether they should see the baby after birth, etc. The whole situation was heartbreaking.

More than 2 decades later, I came to find out that my partner, father of my child, also had herpes and actively hid the infection from me. I won't get into how I found out. He tried to convince me of what many are saying on this thread -- "it's only oral herpes, everyone has that and it's not dangerous". Except his oral herpes can be transmitted to my genitals through oral sex, so IMO he should have disclosed to me and let me make my own decision about whether to continue to have sex with him. He also tried to say he had it before we met, and it wasn't through any cheating, but that, OFC, turned out to be false.

TBH, I was never able to get past the lies. Sex with him started to feel very rapey to me - he was not giving me full informed consent to our sex. He lied about the herpes deliberately because he was afraid I would make a choice he didn't like, so he chose to control the information I had so that I would continue to sleep with him. I had no idea what was going on and exposed myself and a child (because I was pregnant after he knew he had herpes but before I knew he had herpes). Having had my family experience with pregnancy and herpes, I just could not accept the level of risk he was willing to place on me without my knowledge.

I asked him to move out. I kept full custody of our 2 children, who were only toddlers at the time, and he had visitation. Was it hard? Frightfully, but staying and raising children with a partner who was fundamentally a danger to me and the kids would have been way worse. The kind of person who would be so reckless and manipulative, also presented similar character problems as our children grew into adults. I was never going to be able to change him into the kind of person who would care about others, protect them and do the thing that would be hard for him but better for others.

There is not a day I have looked back and wished I stayed with him. I only wish I had left immediately, instead of taking a year to try and hear his side of the story (a story that he gaslight and trickle-truther about), get couples therapy, etc.

OFC, YMMV. What you decide to do is your choice.

I just wanted to share that it is OK to take this situation seriously and to end a relationship over it. I chose safety for myself, and that is OK.

Omg you are insane. You divorced your husband and took the kids because he gets COLD SORES? Also I am sorry about your sister but I don’t think there is any way to prove herpes caused that birth defect. And not sure how you got full custody but that is not happening these days unless something else is going on.

She left because he sexually assaulted her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

Why is a 20 year old with a divorced old man?