OP again

Sorry I sent the check to son's girlfriend who lives in the US. Child support has not kicked in yet AFAIK. My ex is not communicating with me so I just sent a check. It's an infant FGS

Older brother lives in Europe and is back there

Younger brother (baby's dad) has supposedly been visiting baby x times a week but I only know this through his older brother and the gf who has sent me pictures, I have like 5 now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I also started this thread supporting all pregnancy termination options

I terminated a pregnancy in the early 90s

I went on to have lots of kids, some adopted

I supported my son’s idea of termination of a pregnancy

She gave birth possibly full term less than a week later

Like y’all cool down, I am not the devil, no one’s the devil, I’m not making this up, I am living in this weird insanity that apparently exists in only staying silent to everyone in my life except this forum

Glad you’re back, OP. Any developments? Two weeks is a long time for your son to be in freeze mode about this baby. Is he claiming that if the baby is full term, it is not his? I hope you get to see your grandson soon.

OP here. It's OK. I have not heard from my son (the baby's father) but he is talking to his brother who has since flown home to Europe.

This is a VERY GOOD sign in that they were formerly super rivals as brothers and suddenly older brother is taking the reins and seriously helping everyone out. Shoveling snow. They were once again sitting and playing games together.

They have completely come together on this whole situation and I am the one sort of left out, but under these circumstances I am completely OK with this development. How could I not be?

No one - definitely not me - has met the baby yet. Though I have ordered an extra pack n play and some diapers and formula here to this house, plus the extra car seat she did not end up using. It's cool.

Older brother is back in the country he lives in with his wife. They are very sad because they want a child desperately but cannot immigrate to the US because this administration says she was born in an undesirable country. When I was talking to them about just the paperwork I helped my son's gf with about getting a US SSN they started tearing up because all I had to do was provide some numbers and it was a done deal. And they will currently have to spend years outside of the US even though I could straight up give them my entire home today ... and yet my DIL is undesirable.

She said to me today "I wish I could hold my American nephew right now I would care for him every hour of every day" but somehow right now the US is just like FU to her when she's never done anything wrong to anyone.

I sent her a check for 1K through my bank account as I have added her to the payee list. I don't think child support will have kicked in yet and I think that's modest for a very very very new mom

Anyway, Kevin is doing fine. My son has apparently been going over there many times per week. He's not sharing any of this with me but his older brother overseas has been, on the DL.

He says "my brother has been handling this with aplomb"

Anonymous wrote:I also care about OP adult son. At best this is a nightmare, at worst a deception and nightmare. Good thoughts for his dad.

You are projecting your own feelings on both of these people. This is not a “nightmare.” The baby is healthy. He is a surprise, and the dad is not handling the surprise well, but that doesn’t mean it is a “nightmare.”

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I also started this thread supporting all pregnancy termination options

I terminated a pregnancy in the early 90s

I went on to have lots of kids, some adopted

I supported my son’s idea of termination of a pregnancy

She gave birth possibly full term less than a week later

Like y’all cool down, I am not the devil, no one’s the devil, I’m not making this up, I am living in this weird insanity that apparently exists in only staying silent to everyone in my life except this forum

Glad you’re back, OP. Any developments? Two weeks is a long time for your son to be in freeze mode about this baby. Is he claiming that if the baby is full term, it is not his? I hope you get to see your grandson soon.

I also care about OP adult son. At best this is a nightmare, at worst a deception and nightmare. Good thoughts for his dad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me know if you need help with anything.

You have 2 choices: have the baby/don't have the baby.
If you have the baby: You have 2 choices: Keep it/don't keep it

Have you thought about those choices?

Whatever happens we will support you in your decision and still plan to help you get through college. If your girlfriend needs support let us know.

I know this feels really big, but in the end everything will work out. Let me know how we can support you.

This is great advice.

I think it’s condescending and off putting. Her son isn’t a newborn kitten who needs the decision tree explicitly outlined.

OP here

I also started this thread supporting all pregnancy termination options

I terminated a pregnancy in the early 90s

I went on to have lots of kids, some adopted

I supported my son’s idea of termination of a pregnancy

She gave birth possibly full term less than a week later

Like y’all cool down, I am not the devil, no one’s the devil, I’m not making this up, I am living in this weird insanity that apparently exists in only staying silent to everyone in my life except this forum

Anonymous wrote:I only care about OP son.

OP here

News … I care about my son, too ??

But there are now 2 more people in the equation

No, I really did not know her well before. I was just nice to her as well as I could be as an “old lady” living alone and just trying to navigate through that.

Now there’s a baby. It has still only been 2 weeks. This is one of the most insane things I have ever been through where somehow no one else knows. Whereas in previous episodes of life, all the private stuff you don’t want people to know about is somehow everyone else’s knowledge.

This is crazy. I have this beautiful grandchild and I can’t tell anyone about him. Also, my ex is keeping it “secret” and I have no autonomy because I’m just grandma. But I do what I’m told by my son and my grandchild’s mother. I relaxed a little when she finally told me I could stop sending cases of formula because she thinks she has enough for right now.

Don’t worry about my son. He’s a full adult and has resources to not have to have you care about his welfare.

I worry about this baby and I am not even supposed to be worrying about this baby, but I do

I only care about OP son.

Anonymous wrote:Let the son sever his ties. If he is the biological father yeah he has financial responsibility. If not he doesn't.
There needs to be a paternity test.

The mother lives with her mother. Only evidence of "neediness" in this insane thread is needing baby stuff because she reportedly only told the man she was pregnant a week or so before giving birth to a 6 pound 4 oz baby that went home a week or so later. She had not told her mother when she told him.

It’s not normal for a 6 lb 4 oz baby to spend a week in a NICU. He was premature and his mother had a cryptic pregnancy and no prenatal care. My 5.5 pound 34 weeker was in for 10 days. Stop demonizing this mother.

Let the son sever his ties. If he is the biological father yeah he has financial responsibility. If not he doesn't.
There needs to be a paternity test.

The mother lives with her mother. Only evidence of "neediness" in this insane thread is needing baby stuff because she reportedly only told the man she was pregnant a week or so before giving birth to a 6 pound 4 oz baby that went home a week or so later. She had not told her mother when she told him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby is likely full term. Did OP say they had only been dating 6 months? Even if the baby is only 32 weeks, how is it even possible that the baby is full term?

OP should not be supporting the mother, buying things, promising a credit card until there is a.a paternity test and b.a decision whether to keep it or give it up for adoption. The OP is giving the mother a false sense of how easy and workable it would be to keep the baby. If the mother isn’t ready to be a single mother both financially and from a maturity standpoint then she should seriously consider adoption.

Any woman who is considering relinquishing a baby for adoption for purely financial reasons needs to know she is sentencing herself to a lifetime of emotional trauma and regret for a problem that is very likely both temporary and solvable. And there is no guarantee that the adoptive family will be emotionally healthy, financially stable, or loving. Once she signs the relinquishment, everything is completely out of her control, including whether a family that promised her open adoption might immediately close it. Might get divorce. Might die in an accident leaving the baby to people she didn’t choose.

Adoption is NOT a solution to temporary financial challenges. It is permanent trauma to the mother and most likely significant trauma to the child as well.

(Read Relinquished by Gretchen Sisson for harrowing data about the fate of most relinquishing mothers.)

OP is absolutely doing the right thing here. Even if this baby is not her grandchild, she is being kind and generous to a needy mother and completely innocent infant.

If anyone reading this is considering adoption because of financial challenges, please google Saving our Sisters, a nonprofit created by relinquishing mothers which helps women considering relinquishment get financial and logistical support to preserve their families.

Oh lookie pro birth maga has entered the chat .

Screw off saving our sisters BS pro birth crap

What the hell are you talking about? I’m the most pro-choice person I know. Saving our Sisters is a pro-choice organization. The child is already BORN, you imbecile. Abortion is not an option.

I’m talking back to the idiots who are suggesting that adoption is a solution to a temporary financial condition. There is ZERO indication from 30 pages of replies from OP that the mother doesn’t want this infant now that he is here. Thats a vastly different situation from the beginning when the pregnancy was first discovered and the gestational age was unknown.

No it is not pro choice it’s pro birth.

Saving our sisters isn’t there five years from now when this mother has nothing

Saving our sisters is not there ten years from now either.

Spare us your crap it’s pro birth

Against you are absolutely DELUSIONAL. Saving our Sisters is an organization that helps women who are considering adoption relinquishment. It is not a crisis pregnancy center. I actually don’t know any relinquishing mother who is pro-birth…the never ending pain of adoption loss for most relinquishing mothers is statistically far worse than that felt by even the very rare people who regret abortion, which few women do. For women who don’t want to be pregnant, abortion care is the best option. But many pregnant women consider adoption when they get closer to the due date (past when abortion is an option) for myriad reasons, most of which are both temporary and solvable. And many pregnant women are coerced and brainwashed over the months of a pregnancy by abusive maternity home organizations and predatory adoption agencies. May are pressured to sign relinquishment papers without legal counsel or understanding their rights.

Saving our Sisters’ specialty is helping women who may have signed relinquishment papers but immediately regret that decision, and the countdown is on to see if she can go up against adoption attorneys and all of the superior resources that most adopters have to fight to steal her baby from her when she wants him back. SOS has legal experts in most states and has races to get revocation papers to courthouses on time. They also work to provide temporary financial help for mothers and to recruit at least one “sister on the ground” who can help with practical matters, like holding the baby while a mother alone showers.

I don’t knew what your agenda is in trashing SOS but mine is clear: no newly postpartum mother who WANTS her baby but is vulnerable to the “brave love” lies of adoption recruiters that if she really loves her baby, she would give him up to wealthier people, should be coerced or pressured into losing her child forever because she faces temporary and fixable challenges.

Again, your adoption advocacy is just derailing here because OP’s grandson’s mother has never indicated she doesn’t want to keep her baby. She has both resources and support. She is not prey for your adoption fantasies.

(And if you believe yourself a feminist because you are pro-choice, coercing women to be breeders for richer women is pretty much by definition anti feminist. It’s giving Handmaid’s Tale. Go away.)

Saving our sisters gas crappy reviews

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby is likely full term. Did OP say they had only been dating 6 months? Even if the baby is only 32 weeks, how is it even possible that the baby is full term?

OP should not be supporting the mother, buying things, promising a credit card until there is a.a paternity test and b.a decision whether to keep it or give it up for adoption. The OP is giving the mother a false sense of how easy and workable it would be to keep the baby. If the mother isn’t ready to be a single mother both financially and from a maturity standpoint then she should seriously consider adoption.

Any woman who is considering relinquishing a baby for adoption for purely financial reasons needs to know she is sentencing herself to a lifetime of emotional trauma and regret for a problem that is very likely both temporary and solvable. And there is no guarantee that the adoptive family will be emotionally healthy, financially stable, or loving. Once she signs the relinquishment, everything is completely out of her control, including whether a family that promised her open adoption might immediately close it. Might get divorce. Might die in an accident leaving the baby to people she didn’t choose.

Adoption is NOT a solution to temporary financial challenges. It is permanent trauma to the mother and most likely significant trauma to the child as well.

(Read Relinquished by Gretchen Sisson for harrowing data about the fate of most relinquishing mothers.)

OP is absolutely doing the right thing here. Even if this baby is not her grandchild, she is being kind and generous to a needy mother and completely innocent infant.

If anyone reading this is considering adoption because of financial challenges, please google Saving our Sisters, a nonprofit created by relinquishing mothers which helps women considering relinquishment get financial and logistical support to preserve their families.

Oh lookie pro birth maga has entered the chat .

Screw off saving our sisters BS pro birth crap

What the hell are you talking about? I’m the most pro-choice person I know. Saving our Sisters is a pro-choice organization. The child is already BORN, you imbecile. Abortion is not an option.

I’m talking back to the idiots who are suggesting that adoption is a solution to a temporary financial condition. There is ZERO indication from 30 pages of replies from OP that the mother doesn’t want this infant now that he is here. Thats a vastly different situation from the beginning when the pregnancy was first discovered and the gestational age was unknown.

No it is not pro choice it’s pro birth.

Saving our sisters isn’t there five years from now when this mother has nothing

Saving our sisters is not there ten years from now either.

Spare us your crap it’s pro birth

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby is likely full term. Did OP say they had only been dating 6 months? Even if the baby is only 32 weeks, how is it even possible that the baby is full term?

OP should not be supporting the mother, buying things, promising a credit card until there is a.a paternity test and b.a decision whether to keep it or give it up for adoption. The OP is giving the mother a false sense of how easy and workable it would be to keep the baby. If the mother isn’t ready to be a single mother both financially and from a maturity standpoint then she should seriously consider adoption.

Any woman who is considering relinquishing a baby for adoption for purely financial reasons needs to know she is sentencing herself to a lifetime of emotional trauma and regret for a problem that is very likely both temporary and solvable. And there is no guarantee that the adoptive family will be emotionally healthy, financially stable, or loving. Once she signs the relinquishment, everything is completely out of her control, including whether a family that promised her open adoption might immediately close it. Might get divorce. Might die in an accident leaving the baby to people she didn’t choose.

Adoption is NOT a solution to temporary financial challenges. It is permanent trauma to the mother and most likely significant trauma to the child as well.

(Read Relinquished by Gretchen Sisson for harrowing data about the fate of most relinquishing mothers.)

OP is absolutely doing the right thing here. Even if this baby is not her grandchild, she is being kind and generous to a needy mother and completely innocent infant.

If anyone reading this is considering adoption because of financial challenges, please google Saving our Sisters, a nonprofit created by relinquishing mothers which helps women considering relinquishment get financial and logistical support to preserve their families.

Oh lookie pro birth maga has entered the chat .

Screw off saving our sisters BS pro birth crap

What the hell are you talking about? I’m the most pro-choice person I know. Saving our Sisters is a pro-choice organization. The child is already BORN, you imbecile. Abortion is not an option.

I’m talking back to the idiots who are suggesting that adoption is a solution to an temporary financial condition. There is ZERO indication from 30 pages of replies from OP that the mother doesn’t want this infant now that he is here. Thats a vastly different situation from the beginning when the pregnancy was first discovered and the gestational age was unknown.