Anonymous wrote:Asking bc that has been my experience. Met multiple nice good looking men who all have enormous financial liabilities. Either they earn very little or are broke after divorce and are too old to fully recover, or earn well but have huge obligations and/or are cheap AF. It’s a pity bc I’ve really liked several of them, but need someone similarly secure and am not getting into a financial quagmire.

Yes. The truly wealthy ones have no need for OLD.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm cheap af, and also poor by DC standards (only $1 million in the bank and $200k income).

But the bigger problem is that I have no intention of dissipating my wealth on an over-the-hill woman.

You have no wealth to dissipate.

Ok got it. 200k/yr and 1M in assets is “broke” by the standards of single over the hill women who are shopping on OLD.

Maybe that explains the problem?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I expect the man to be similarly situated.

Excellent credit
Retirement savings
Emergency fund
Car
Nice house or apartment
Entertainment funds to eat dinner, lunch, or brunch at least once a week
Funds for 3 to 4 short weekend trips annually
Funds for a longer week long vacation annually

I don't have high expectations.

Also non smoker who works out regularly

specifically how much for each? $100, $1k, $10k?

Yes
These are good numbers. About $15-20k a year to spend on the relationship outside your other expenses. I don't think that is gold digging.

OLD is a cesspool for many reasons besides broke guys. I've posted recently here about my relative who was about to go on a first date with a guy via OLD, and I Googled him and found he'd skipped out on a trial in another state--he was a cheating landlord and was being prosecuted by the state! Yet he'd moved to my relative's state and started buying properties to rent out. Disgusting. She canceled that date immediately. Someone commenting on that post noted that she had matched with a guy on OLD who, it turned out, had actually serrved prison time for stalking an ex but was out and on OLD. Just not worth the risks, if guys like those end up there.

Relative has found a very happy and stable relationship with a man she met when he was volunteering at the nonprofit where she is a staff member. He retired fairly young and seems to be financially just fine, but more importantly, he shares her values and interests. I met my own DH through shared interests. Get off OLD and get out and do things which interest and involve YOU, and you increase the chances of at least meeting people who have similar values/hobbies from the start.

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I finally met a lovely man. I think he runs deficit of about $700 every month. He works his tail off and didn't buy anything outrages. It's temporary and I will gladly help him fix it. I would even help him if we weren't together.

Really? You would financially help a single adult man? Mega turn off.

Yeah, nope. I’ve established my life independently and am not tying myself to just another dead weight.

So what kind of income/wealth do you expect a man to have?

Enough disposable income to match mine. Enough free time to match mine.

Sure, but what constitutes matching yours?

I'm a woman make about 300K a year. My average weekend outing is about $150; I take one large vacation a year at about $20K, couple small trips in the range of $5k. So it's about $15,000 on travel and $3600 on dates that a BF would need to match my expenses on entertainment and travel only. If we move in together, we would be saving on mortgage/rent so not a bad deal for him overall

I’m similar to you financially as are most of my friends. We’ve all come to realize that we are the ones that can afford our lifestyle. It means we don’t date and while we miss it, we don’t miss the drama that goes along with being in a relationship. We go out together on the weekends and always have a good time. And we travel together. I haven’t met a man in a similar financial situation yet.

Yea, because if he makes less he will resent the woman for making more, will be emasculated causing all the relationship drama. I tried to subsidize men financially, it didn't work out well either (these were professional men making about 200K but with CS obligtions which I don't have). So I guess single wealthy women should prepare for solitude entering elderly years

You want the older widowers. The ones I know were happily married, have adult children, and now have substantial assets but no one to share their lives with. We’re talking 60s and 70s.

I’ll focus on them in my 50s and 60s if I still feel like dating at that point. For now I have a younger FWB as I’m mid 40s.

No way am I spending my 50s and 60s taking care of an old man who won’t be there to take care of me and leaves his property to kids from his marriage.

Why should he take care of you or leave you anything if you’ve got your own money?

If I devote my one and only life to someone long term until death, I expect to be treated like a partner and would do the same for a partner / husband.

You expect your wealth to pass to your kids.

You also expect his wealth to pass to you, and not to his kids.

You're just another gold-digger.

Did you miss the part where she and not his kids cares for him in old age? The kids benefit by being able to pursue their careers instead of caring for an older parent and/or using their or his money to pay for his care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The pool is full of duds and cheaters. Why would you expect the pool to be full of financially secure men?

This.
Don’t be an idiot! The good-looking financially stable guys are already taken, silly. They aren’t going on these apps.
You need to stop trying to land a top tier dude. Either change your physical standards or change your financial standards.

Yes money is the number one criteria women are using and it’s just not your peer group. Lots of younger women will consider an old man if the money is right for their situation.

Anonymous wrote:The pool is full of duds and cheaters. Why would you expect the pool to be full of financially secure men?

This.
Don’t be an idiot! The good-looking financially stable guys are already taken, silly. They aren’t going on these apps.
You need to stop trying to land a top tier dude. Either change your physical standards or change your financial standards.

Anonymous wrote:I am absolutely broke. I pay child support, alimony, save for kids college, and help elderly parents financially. I make $12,000 a month after tax. I don't have a lot left after paying all my obligations. For This reason I don't even contemplate pairing with a woman who I am sure has dreams and aspirations like any normal person. I am 48

Are you also maxing retirement? Bc your take home is like $250K gross. It’s hard to be broke on that although you’d need to partner with an equivalent earned to afford a nice house in this area. If you already have one with a low mortgage and good retirement savings you’re not broke, you just cash poor.

Anonymous wrote:Generally those that are financially successful and divorcing never hit the dating pool. They are snatched up by someone at work or that they know.

This. The second they announce they are divorcing they get set up. That doesn’t happen to women. The second they announce they’re divorcing people drop them like a stone.

Anonymous wrote:I'm cheap af, and also poor by DC standards (only $1 million in the bank and $200k income).

But the bigger problem is that I have no intention of dissipating my wealth on an over-the-hill woman.

I hope you don't intend to dissipate your semen on them either. Dud.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm cheap af, and also poor by DC standards (only $1 million in the bank and $200k income).

But the bigger problem is that I have no intention of dissipating my wealth on an over-the-hill woman.

You have no wealth to dissipate.

This!

Generally those that are financially successful and divorcing never hit the dating pool. They are snatched up by someone at work or that they know.

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Anonymous wrote:There are good guys who are hardworking but aren’t high earners. My partner who I met on OLD is a hardworker and has better emotional and physical health than many men in his late 40s because he chose something he loves and it also keeps him active. But many people on DCUM wouldn’t think twice because of the income. He’s an excellent partner and doesn’t need a nurse or a purse.

This is my type of man. I'm attracted to men who do physically hard work. My experience is that even those are taken. Money is not a problem. I have money and I make a lot more every day.

I don’t think they are taken. He’s my age and I do think it’s true lots of divorced women in their 40s want either a younger fling for excitement/validation or a wallet. So nice average looks 40s men who aren’t rich fall under the radar, they also may not be great at OLD profiles. If a lady truly wants a relationship and can read between the lines they exist!

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Every time I read DCUM, I am surprised that women of a certain age (e.g., 48!) still believe men posting on their OLD profile (e.g., 200 likes a day) indicates how attractive they are.

PP—The fact that men send "likes" from all over the country indicates these likes are meaningless.

Men hit on women when they believe the women will provide causal sex, a fact you should have learned 20 years ago. It is a good idea to set your profile to private since you can select who you want to contact or be contacted by. However, most women on OLD get hundreds of likes from men who have no interest in "dating" them.

Not the ugly ones

Almost all men will "bang down" (i.e., a 7 guy will have an ONS with a 4 woman) without thinking twice about it. The problem is not hitting on ugly girls. The problem is all the women who think they are hot just because someone will bang them down.

Your language identifies you. This is only a "problem" if you think women need to feel worse about themselves.

If it's just a simple truth, that will be clear pretty quickly. Not a "problem" for anyone. But if you are seething about women who aren't downtrodden enough, then sure, it's a real problem for you. Sorry about it, champ.

Anonymous wrote:There are good guys who are hardworking but aren’t high earners. My partner who I met on OLD is a hardworker and has better emotional and physical health than many men in his late 40s because he chose something he loves and it also keeps him active. But many people on DCUM wouldn’t think twice because of the income. He’s an excellent partner and doesn’t need a nurse or a purse.

This is my type of man. I'm attracted to men who do physically hard work. My experience is that even those are taken. Money is not a problem. I have money and I make a lot more every day.