Anonymous wrote:Op, you have a DH problem not a Bangladesh problem. If he was more attuned to your needs, this trip would be at least semi interesting. You know what to do for the next time. Put your foot down. If you don't then it's on you.

Whatever you say about shopping and then feeling like it's expensive is normal behavior. They don't spend much and they expect visitors to be the same. We on the other hand realize how cheap it is when we convert the US dollar. If you love shopping and DH hates it, find a teen girl or college girl from among his relatives and take them for company. Your DH needs to do something or you're going to be resentful.

Anonymous wrote:OP you have a DH problem more than a Bangladesh problem. Bangladeshi living is what it is, but you chose to marry a South Asian man and don't seem to want to admit that this is how they are. Cue all the DWs who are now gonna scream their DH would NEVER act like this blah blah, but as a member of this community, yeah the MAJORITY act like your DH.

They're super happy to come to the US for higher education, high paying jobs, and like the freedom of life in the US - dating, sex before marriage, picking out a white chick to marry. And once they marry they white chick, they are even ok living in a relatively egalitarian household bc that's what they see others around them doing + they realize a marriage with a white chick won't last if they constantly act like it's my way or the highway.

And then when they go back home for 2 weeks or a month, it ALL reverts back to how it is back home and if that screws their wife/kids, that's 100% fine because they are sooooo much more concerned about what mommy/sisters think and are like - whatever my wife/kids will deal, I'll make it up to my wife when we're back in the US by buying her something nice.

At the end of the day, they don't want mommy/sisters to raise an eyebrow on ANYTHING or be displeased or questioning in ANY way. So if they've lived without a space heater for 50 years, fine, wife/kids can just deal with 50 degree temps even if they're not used to it bc in the US the heat kicks on in 50 degree nights. If mommy/sister think going out on the town and exploring and shopping is a waste of time because they ONLY have one month with their precious son/brother and just want to loving stare at him all day rather have him go out with his wife/kids for 3 hours a day - that's it, no one goes out.

Mind you this happens EVEN if the ILs are normal - as yours seem to be. Many ILs may not have a space heater bc they don't need it but if DH said - hey I'm buying one bc the wife/kids are constantly cold - they wouldn't say no or even judge; hell they may also end up liking the concept. Same with going out - they may not have any problem with you all going out every day for a few hours. Hell they may even enjoy it if you hire a private car, take everyone out shopping and treat them to a few things and they grab some pizza or Bangladeshi sweets or something on the way home. It may be a chance for them to expereince something in their own city they don't normally do.

But ultimately this is a culture that doesn't communicate well and works via guilt. DS feels soooo guilty that he's moved away from aging mom and soooo guilty that he isn't making the type of $ in the US that he can send them back 50k/yr to live the rich rich life in Bangladesh bc he has a mortgage to pay and kids to send to college. So instead these DSs then just dance around their parents bc they are soooo terrified of their parents being the slightest bit disapproving or even mystified.

It's super manly to put your mommy/sisters over your own wife and minor kids, but I've def seen this happen.

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have a DH problem not a Bangladesh problem. If he was more attuned to your needs, this trip would be at least semi interesting. You know what to do for the next time. Put your foot down. If you don't then it's on you.

Whatever you say about shopping and then feeling like it's expensive is normal behavior. They don't spend much and they expect visitors to be the same. We on the other hand realize how cheap it is when we convert the US dollar. If you love shopping and DH hates it, find a teen girl or college girl from among his relatives and take them for company. Your DH needs to do something or you're going to be resentful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just saw the pictures. This is very different from India . India has a very different vibe with a much larger middle and upper middle class . While their grand parents may have stayed in houses like this the current middle class is very comfortably off with all amenities like cars , air conditioning and washing machines . I wish you could get out and make a short trip to Calcutta which is just across the border and a short 45 minute ride away . Your kids would love it and it’s really cheap compared to other cities in India .

All you posters touting India as some kind of utopia are forgetting that Bangladesh used to be part of India.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. More pictures of inside the house. There is an ac in MILs room that is new. It is towards the top of the wall and has a cover over it. All the furniture has locks on them and they use keys to open everything. The property also has a series of padlocks to get out. The only entrance to the house also uses a padlock at night. There isn't a back door. There are two bathrooms. One is a full bath but no bathtub and another one is a half bath. My MIL probably thinks I am weird for taking pictures of the house.

https://ibb.co/GpBgRVd
https://ibb.co/My0vZbB
https://ibb.co/qjqd3Lg
https://ibb.co/tc4BG6P
https://ibb.co/yXNsXxG
https://ibb.co/7SyWXvj
https://ibb.co/rt1HmXq
https://ibb.co/yyRy8qV
https://ibb.co/NSdQS4z

Oh boy OP - I am definitely in the "make an adventure of it now and make sure you're only there for two weeks next time" but I can see why you are feeling trapped and stressed.

Anonymous wrote:OP, is this you:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xh0PfTwu_EM

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://ibb.co/tYDPWj6
https://ibb.co/2tj1rnY

This is where the dishes are being cleaned. The cleaning doesn't come everyday. She sits on the little stool. Dhs mom and my SIL also sometimes clean stuff there.

Whoever is sweeping the yard needs their $7/month pay docked down to $6.50. /s

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. More pictures of inside the house. There is an ac in MILs room that is new. It is towards the top of the wall and has a cover over it. All the furniture has locks on them and they use keys to open everything. The property also has a series of padlocks to get out. The only entrance to the house also uses a padlock at night. There isn't a back door. There are two bathrooms. One is a full bath but no bathtub and another one is a half bath. My MIL probably thinks I am weird for taking pictures of the house.

https://ibb.co/GpBgRVd
https://ibb.co/My0vZbB
https://ibb.co/qjqd3Lg
https://ibb.co/tc4BG6P
https://ibb.co/yXNsXxG
https://ibb.co/7SyWXvj
https://ibb.co/rt1HmXq
https://ibb.co/yyRy8qV
https://ibb.co/NSdQS4z

Oh boy OP - I am definitely in the "make an adventure of it now and make sure you're only there for two weeks next time" but I can see why you are feeling trapped and stressed.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. More pictures of inside the house. There is an ac in MILs room that is new. It is towards the top of the wall and has a cover over it. All the furniture has locks on them and they use keys to open everything. The property also has a series of padlocks to get out. The only entrance to the house also uses a padlock at night. There isn't a back door. There are two bathrooms. One is a full bath but no bathtub and another one is a half bath. My MIL probably thinks I am weird for taking pictures of the house.

https://ibb.co/GpBgRVd
https://ibb.co/My0vZbB
https://ibb.co/qjqd3Lg
https://ibb.co/tc4BG6P
https://ibb.co/yXNsXxG
https://ibb.co/7SyWXvj
https://ibb.co/rt1HmXq
https://ibb.co/yyRy8qV
https://ibb.co/NSdQS4z

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you had me curious about the places you mentioned so I checked youtube.

Aarong looks like any retail store you would find in India. It looks similar to one in my village. Serene Gardens looks okay. Not the best, but for that place I bet it is.

If anyone else was curious, here it is:

Aarong:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sA7rXXJ45fc

Serene Garden:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7eOBoIruW0

The restaurant is a lot nicer than OP described. I mean the cushions may be dirty but who cares. She is getting out the house.

Anonymous wrote:https://ibb.co/tYDPWj6
https://ibb.co/2tj1rnY

This is where the dishes are being cleaned. The cleaning doesn't come everyday. She sits on the little stool. Dhs mom and my SIL also sometimes clean stuff there.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you had me curious about the places you mentioned so I checked youtube.

Aarong looks like any retail store you would find in India. It looks similar to one in my village. Serene Gardens looks okay. Not the best, but for that place I bet it is.

If anyone else was curious, here it is:

Aarong:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sA7rXXJ45fc

Serene Garden:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7eOBoIruW0

Anonymous wrote:Just saw the pictures. This is very different from India . India has a very different vibe with a much larger middle and upper middle class . While their grand parents may have stayed in houses like this the current middle class is very comfortably off with all amenities like cars , air conditioning and washing machines . I wish you could get out and make a short trip to Calcutta which is just across the border and a short 45 minute ride away . Your kids would love it and it’s really cheap compared to other cities in India .