Anonymous
Post 06/16/2024 08:05     Subject: Re:If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:This bums me out so much. I really want kids more than anything, but I have a combination fertility issues and martial issues (exacerbated by the fertility issues) at age 36, and I just don't think it's happening for me.

While I am grieving that kids just might not be in the cards for me, my parents have been nothing but supportive and reminded me that I have inherent worth regardless of whether I procreate or not. That while they would love to be grandparents, it's not an obligation or duty, and that I am enough and that I will be ok even if it never happens for me and that I have so many other things going for me in my life. That they are there for me and there to support me. My mom even is flying out to be with me when I freeze my eggs.

If they took the attitude of this thread, it would make this time of my life SO much harder.


It sounds like you have a loving supportive family and would therefore create a loving supportive family (if you could). I think this thread is more from narcissistic parents looking after their own personal interests. They usually create narcissistic children who do the same and have disdain for their parents, because they were terrible.

fwiw - I have a narcissistic mom so I empathize with many posts here. I've done a ton of work on myself and realized I didn't know how to parent or love a child properly because it wasn't modeled to me. My parents weren't abusive btw, maybe unemotional or a touch neglectful - they arent horrible people. Before I had kids I took loads of parenting classes (still do - and I have a library of parenting books). I was terrified to raise children and very much wanted them. I am very inspired to change the generational dynamic. So far so good. If my kids don't have children they are every bit as valuable to me if they do. I would love and support them either way until the day I die. Sounds like your parents created what I'm trying to create.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2024 08:03     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:This is the thing: I could not have bio kids, and my parents didn't consider adopted kids "real grandchildren." It's insane.

Ouch. I’m sorry. That must hurt. Your parents seem cruel.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2024 07:53     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:Bob Barker even though he lived till 99 will she on be forgotten as no kids.

His house, money, royalties will be divided up
Among strangers


Well he once said, he never regretted having children, especially when so many of his friends were having so many problems with their children. Barker was a big supporter of PETA, so he probably left a pretty big chunk of his money to that charity. And the charity is better off for it. I don’t see the problem.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2024 07:46     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:my friend had 5 kids, only ONE was there every weekend I visited her in the nursing home that year before she passed and all were in driving distance, like 30 minutes....I just assumed the other kids came during the week, well I ran into one of her friends who was there during the week and only ONE was there for her. Having kids to get to ANY end result....having grands, or someone to take care of you as you age is NEVER guaranteed, NEVER.


I play the lottery and hope for the best so to speak. If I had zero kids I would definitely not have a chance.
As for them visiting, well the smart idea is to try to keep them close (don’t live in the boonies!) and help them, hoping they would return the favor.


+1
You reap what you sow. If you sow loving relationships, you'll have loving relationships. My parents didn't do that. And never helped me when I was an adult. They can't possibly expect me to all of the sudden change our family dynamic. I'm sowing a different dynamic with my kids and I will help them until I can no longer. It will keep me useful and purposeful, plus it will help them to advance their careers and know their children are in good hands.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2024 07:33     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:Nieces and nephews really don’t mean much to me. First the ones on spouse side I have zero genetic connection.

My siblings kids have 50 percent whatever schmuck they married mixed in.


Well damn. Tell us how you really feel.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2024 07:22     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:Don’t want to end up like Sandra Bullock.

Huh?
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2024 07:18     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The biological point of having children is reproduction of your genes. You can come up with some modern take about fulfillment and such, but life got to this point with selfish genes. The desire for grandchildren is natural and built in as a baseline human drive selected by billions of years of evolution. Any parent who claims they would not be disappointed that their genes die out two generations down the line is kidding themselves.



I don’t care if my genes die out. I’m not royalty.

Royalty-now that’s where people should be happy to see the genetic pool die out.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2024 07:16     Subject: Re:If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a good friend who was adopted from a third world country (not due to infertility), while her younger brother was born to their parents. He is a wildly successful tall blonde white dude who married young to a wife who stays home to raise their three beautiful kids. My friend went to college, works and functions fine, but she's not white and had some problems related to being adopted by a wealthy white family in a predominately white community. Her parents gave her brother a huge sum of money when he married and bought a home. She rents. Her parents will not help her buy an apartment. Her parents plan her a pittance while her brother will receive the bulk of their estate.
They WANTED her. They planned to adopt their first child when they married. They raised her. And it's very likely in part due to the fact that she was adopted that her life has not gone quite as perfectly as her brother's. She's not even estranged from the family! She sees her parents regularly. But they're punishing her for not marrying and having children, things that she certainly wanted but did not have the luck of getting.

Sorry, but I think that's pretty messed up. I hope her parents change their mind before they die.


This is so sad.

I'm glad my parents loved me even though I wasn't able to have much wanted children. Sadly, they would have hated it had we adopted children.

I’m glad my family and parents loves my adopted DC as much as they live the nieces and nephews that share their genes. DH and I intentionally chose adoption over biological because we were interested in raising children but not necessarily interested in mini-mees.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2024 07:13     Subject: Re:If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:All this talk about the world failing is baffling to me. Are things any worse now than they were when people owned other humans as property? Are things worse now than they were during the world wars?

The world was always a shitty place. It's no worse than it was I'm the past.


Sure, it’s always been a shitty place but women have more independence and control over their own bodies, and societal pressure to birth children has decreased. It’s not surprising that women who don’t want kids choose not to have them now.

I hope your first sentence ages well, but unfortunately I don’t think women will have that independence in the not too distant future.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2024 07:08     Subject: Re:If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
This bums me out so much. I really want kids more than anything, but I have a combination fertility issues and martial issues (exacerbated by the fertility issues) at age 36, and I just don't think it's happening for me.

While I am grieving that kids just might not be in the cards for me, my parents have been nothing but supportive and reminded me that I have inherent worth regardless of whether I procreate or not. That while they would love to be grandparents, it's not an obligation or duty, and that I am enough and that I will be ok even if it never happens for me and that I have so many other things going for me in my life. That they are there for me and there to support me. My mom even is flying out to be with me when I freeze my eggs.

If they took the attitude of this thread, it would make this time of my life SO much harder.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2024 04:56     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
However, I agree with your greater point. What's the point if my line ends?


Are you the Queen of England or something? Get over yourself.


+1! All this talk about “lines” is so ridiculous. You’re not a Lannister or royalty.


And what’s so special about their lines?
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2024 04:24     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:Feeling really bad for my gay brother right now. But he doesn't read DCUM so I guess it's fine.


Why? Everything still works unless he transitioned. Plenty of gays have kids
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2024 04:14     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Op put the bottle down. Your kids are 22? They have 20 more years to have kids relax girl. Run to Aruba real quick before they make you babysit
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2024 03:53     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:my friend had 5 kids, only ONE was there every weekend I visited her in the nursing home that year before she passed and all were in driving distance, like 30 minutes....I just assumed the other kids came during the week, well I ran into one of her friends who was there during the week and only ONE was there for her. Having kids to get to ANY end result....having grands, or someone to take care of you as you age is NEVER guaranteed, NEVER.


I play the lottery and hope for the best so to speak. If I had zero kids I would definitely not have a chance.
As for them visiting, well the smart idea is to try to keep them close (don’t live in the boonies!) and help them, hoping they would return the favor.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2024 03:50     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find all of the posts from people who are against having kids (as opposed to people who wanted kids but couldn't have them for whatever reason) pretty fascinating. I wonder what it is about our culture that makes people so anti-children and why some families seem to "die out" so to speak while other families are seemingly immune and raise kids who want to have their own kids. Religiosity is obviously part of it, but I don't think that tells the whole story.

My mom is a evangelical christian fundie, had 6 kids, of her 6 kids, #1 had 3, #2 had 3, #3-6 zero each. #2 might have one more (embryos on ice so she has options), #3-6 don't look like they will be having kids, one of them is a woman already wrong side of 35, another is a woman approaching it. MIL had 4 kids, #1 had 3 kids, #2 1 kid, #3-4 zero kids (one has a vasectomy)

Honestly, it is pretty scary, I look around and see that repeated over and over in families I know. It's one thing for birth rates to settle around 1.5, but is seems like <1 is in the near future. Forget about paying for elderly pensions, there may be a struggle to find people to pick up garbage and keep the electricity on. It's happening even in places like Afghanistan. Alot of Muslim gulf states are already below replacement. South Korea is especially scary and there is no reason to think that is not the future everywhere.


Hispanic immigrant families seem to have plenty of kids, I see it at all kinds of school functions, all kinds of government buildings, at Costco, etc. Families with 3+ kids in tow.
Immigration isn’t slowing down so we should be all right at least in terms of picking up garbage and keeping electricity on as you said.