F*ck your husband, f*ck your mom, and f*ck your dad.

I'm so sorry OP. But you married someone who has a twisted sense of what it means to be family. If you haven't already, please find a therapist and unpack all the trauma you've been through. I really don't have a good feeling about your H.

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. I got the okay to do my meeting by Zoom so I was home. Older DC plays quietly but the 4 year old is not quiet. So my mom took him to the store. It took them three hours! But DS had a great time. My kids adore my mom and DH thinks it’s important for them to have a grandparent in their lives (other grandparents are dead).

My mom hit me a lot and called me a lot of names. The movie Precious was very familiar to me. Similar. But she turns on the charm for everyone else and is very creative and fun with my kids. They are cuter and smarter than I am.

Kids have been on antibiotics for over 24 hours and are no longer contagious. I didn’t feel they were up to going to school today. Will probably send them tomorrow. They perked up quite a bit.

WTAF

Get therapy OP.

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP… I know somewhere in your mind you believe your mother would never hurt or abuse your kids the way she did you. But she would. Please protect them.

+1000

Anonymous wrote:Your mom was physically and emotionally abusive and you are going to let her watch your kids? I am so sorry for what you have been through but I think this is a horrible, horrible decision.

This.

Is your dad still alive? have you really confronted your mom (or him) about the sexual abuse? I don't think its healthy for you to have her in your life or around your children unless there is acknowledgement about her failures.

Hi OP,
While I understand it’s not easy to get a grandparent kids adore out of their lives, you could maybe change the dynamic a bit.
Never call her when you need her; only when she is begging to see the kids - you can do her a huge favor and let her her them on your terms. And never too often!
Also, I suspect your husband may be abusive in subtle ways. Not letting someone cut contact with an abuser is abuse in itself.... he should encourage you to get sitters, not the other way around!
Good luck and hope you will turn your life around, therapy or not.

I don't mean to judge, but I would never trust someone to care for my children if they denied and facilitated my sexual abuse as a child. That is a hard no.

Oh, OP… I know somewhere in your mind you believe your mother would never hurt or abuse your kids the way she did you. But she would. Please protect them.

I don't understand you at all. I don't think it's unusual for abusive people to behave differently with their grandchildren than they did with their children. But that doesn't mean they are now suddenly better, just means they are excited to have a whole new set of potential acolytes as well as a new arena in which to play games. Your mother might seem fun with the grandkids now, but as they get older she will start stirring up the sh!t, I assure you.

I see you think you were her one special victim because you were unworthy, vs your kids are smarter/cuter. That is not the case and you need help, mama! You haven't really responded to PPs telling you: Your mother is NOT an appropriate babysitter. I don't know if you're sitting there in denial or what.

Oh OP, my heart goes out to you. I really hope you get yourself a good therapist. Couples therapy might be a good idea, too. But I think you should take some time to be kind to yourself. You deserve better than what she gave you. And you deserve better than a husband who forces you to continue to interact with this monster. YOU DESERVE BETTER.

It can take serious time to work through issues like this. And I do hope for the sake of your children that you do. Sending you love and sympathy.

OP, you sound like you are deferring to your husband’s wishes and completely neglecting your own! Who gives a s**t if he doesn’t believe in sitters or believes a grandparent should be in a child’s life, not every kid has one!
You need therapy to deal with your upbringing and your husband needs to realize that this is 2021 not 1941 and you are not a surrendered wife and mother.
Go on care.com and interview candidates. Grow your network in your community. Good luck, I’ve been in your shoes and now have a distant, courteous relationship with my mother and that’s all it will continue to be.

You're husband is wrong and you're a complete idiot. pathetic parenting on all fronts.

Glad it worked out. Your husband is dead wrong about grandparents and I can’t imagine how it must feel to have him saying your kids need a relationship with someone who abetted sexual abuse of you just to check a box he perceives in his imagination.

OP here. I got the okay to do my meeting by Zoom so I was home. Older DC plays quietly but the 4 year old is not quiet. So my mom took him to the store. It took them three hours! But DS had a great time. My kids adore my mom and DH thinks it’s important for them to have a grandparent in their lives (other grandparents are dead).

My mom hit me a lot and called me a lot of names. The movie Precious was very familiar to me. Similar. But she turns on the charm for everyone else and is very creative and fun with my kids. They are cuter and smarter than I am.

Kids have been on antibiotics for over 24 hours and are no longer contagious. I didn’t feel they were up to going to school today. Will probably send them tomorrow. They perked up quite a bit.

Op, you are a terrible person and a terrible Mom to have this woman close in your life

And the fact that you do this because you need a favor, sorry Op, you are the worst

Make plans to have someone else watch your kid in an emergency. Arrange your life anyway necessary so you don't have this woman close in your life