Anonymous wrote:Not as many things as last year!

Good for your child!! Here’s hoping my DC follows this trajectory!!

This topic and discussion reminds me how each of our parenting styles is the product of our accumulated life experiences. It just happens to be there are a lot of parents who seem to have learned sending their child things and taking their responsibilities on for them somehow signals love. Seems more to signal lack of respect and willingness to let a child be truly independent.

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Anonymous wrote:My kid is now a senior and each year she brings MUCH less than the year before.

BUT, we would be lost without Amazon. Can you imagine how much time parents must have wasted in the past mailing forgotten items to kids at college?

actually - the kids just survived without them - figured it out.

This is what I was thinking! And not in a negative way, but a "Ha, that's so true!" way. This applies to life in general - we used to all get by before Amazon changed our view on life and needs.

Yup. I don't recall my parents mailing me one thing I forgot at college. It would have to have been very important because they were very frugal and thought it not worth the shipping costs. I just went without or *gasp* went to a store and dealt with whatever they had in stock (not the vast selection from amazon).

I had a single parent who never sent me a thing during four years in college. Nada. My parent sucked.

When I had kids, I vowed I'd pay attention to my kids' needs, and I have stuck with that vow.

BTW, my kids just order whatever they find they need from Amazon, and I pay for it. If it's a "want" not a "need," then they pay the bill. It's worked out fine for us.

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Anonymous wrote:Fortunately I will never know as DC was responsible for packing and DC will be responsible for figuring out how to get anything they forgot!

i love how these people have to pop up on every thread to post something like this, or "land the helicopter"! You are just trying to make yourself feel better because you have a crappy relationship with your kid. The rest of us do not feel the least bit guilty that we do not.

It was an obnoxious troll post.

Good parents support their children. If the child forgot something (they're still children at 18, let's not forget), send it to them. Some of those requests are about love and support, not the actual thing that they could easily purchase at the campus book store or at a nearby Target, etc. They need to know that you've still got their back, that they aren't alone. That allows them to feel safe as they grow independent.

My 22 year old still asks me to get stuff for her, even though she's living in an apartment, has a job and car. She's completely competent and independent, yet reaches out from time to time to ask me for advice or to get her something. I'm happy she does. It's about love, connection and needing to know that I'll be there for her when she needs me.

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Anonymous wrote:Someone explain the pool noodle.

I think someone said they needed it to stuff into the space between the bed and the wall.

NP here and I still don’t get it. Why is there a space between the bed and the wall? And if there is, why is it a problem?

The bed bangs on the wall during sex.

Riight.

Kids, particularly those used to bigger beds, kill their knees and sometimes hands if they move much in their sleep. They turn over and slam limbs into the wall. My kid's dorm had concrete walls. Amazon has bolsters that are nice but are approx. $100.

I have never heard about injuries from the walls before. Have him move the bed a bit away from the wall so he does get injured

My kid's dorm was huge and most of the kids had pool noodles or bolsters. You can't sit on the bed with it pulled away from the wall but thanks for the unsolicited advice.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone explain the pool noodle.

I think someone said they needed it to stuff into the space between the bed and the wall.

NP here and I still don’t get it. Why is there a space between the bed and the wall? And if there is, why is it a problem?

The bed bangs on the wall during sex.

Riight.

Kids, particularly those used to bigger beds, kill their knees and sometimes hands if they move much in their sleep. They turn over and slam limbs into the wall. My kid's dorm had concrete walls. Amazon has bolsters that are nice but are approx. $100.

I have never heard about injuries from the walls before. Have him move the bed a bit away from the wall so he does get injured

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone explain the pool noodle.

I think someone said they needed it to stuff into the space between the bed and the wall.

NP here and I still don’t get it. Why is there a space between the bed and the wall? And if there is, why is it a problem?

The bed bangs on the wall during sex.

Riight.

Kids, particularly those used to bigger beds, kill their knees and sometimes hands if they move much in their sleep. They turn over and slam limbs into the wall. My kid's dorm had concrete walls. Amazon has bolsters that are nice but are approx. $100.

Anonymous wrote:My kid did not need her risers (plastic "stilts" that you can use to raise up your bed, to create more storage underneath).

Yeah -- a lot of schools already have the beds raised to allow for storage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is now a senior and each year she brings MUCH less than the year before.

BUT, we would be lost without Amazon. Can you imagine how much time parents must have wasted in the past mailing forgotten items to kids at college?

actually - the kids just survived without them - figured it out.

This is what I was thinking! And not in a negative way, but a "Ha, that's so true!" way. This applies to life in general - we used to all get by before Amazon changed our view on life and needs.

Agree that kids don't take as much stuff after the first year when they (and you) realize that a lot of the stuff on the "must haves" lists are totally unnecessary. That said, if you do need to send something, consider using UPS or USPS, which treat their employees humanely, unlike Amazon.

This thread is so rich - full of reflections that can certainly seem compassionate but when it comes down to it are just overindulgent. What ever happened to let them figure it out? I’m on my DC’s school’s freshman parent Facebook group and the threads there are similar to this one - parents who think they are showing love by indulging their children and then empathizing with each other under theme of what works and doesn’t work in the dorm room or what their kids forgot to pack.

Trust me, if your kids read these threads they would know exactly what they are - excuses to think about our children because we miss them. How about we embrace this for what it is and stop obsessing about all you can do for your kids. It’s just enabling so you do not feel your own emotions.

Let’s all own our discomfort of our child leaving the nest while simultaneously celebrating their independence. They are fully capable of figuring out how to replace the hangars they accidentally left at home…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone explain the pool noodle.

I think someone said they needed it to stuff into the space between the bed and the wall.

NP here and I still don’t get it. Why is there a space between the bed and the wall? And if there is, why is it a problem?

Old dorm rooms have odd soffets, bump outs, etc. Stuff falls down the hole, is behind drawers, suitcases and whatever else is stored under the bed and gets lost.

DS brought his duck boots and surely came in handy with all the rain storms he was getting.

What worked - duck boots, collapsible drying rack, rubber mallet (for putting shelving together), extra pairs of socks, 2 pairs of slippers (one for shower, one for the room), mattress topper

Forgot - surge protectors and sun screen

Needed - box fan, carpet (something I resisted buying but now it is much needed as his room has bare floor.）

Not needed (had to return) - little round fan that is useless, the bed risers (his bed comes with different height leveler built in), shower curtain (his had a glass door)

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Anonymous wrote:Fortunately I will never know as DC was responsible for packing and DC will be responsible for figuring out how to get anything they forgot!

i love how these people have to pop up on every thread to post something like this, or "land the helicopter"! You are just trying to make yourself feel better because you have a crappy relationship with your kid. The rest of us do not feel the least bit guilty that we do not.

NP. Just because PP’s kid is more independent than yours doesn’t say *anything* about their relationship.

But you jumping to that conclusion says a lot about you.

So independent people never forget or need minor help? Come on. I’m extremely independent as a professional and parent and DH just I teed over a file I forgot at home.

Ditto, my kids did their own packing, but I helped them think about what to buy and consider bringing since this is their first experience with college (obviously). They decided what they needed on their own and packed themselves. My DS forgot his sunglasses, bathing suit and floss and my DD forgot her make up mirror but also decided she wanted a different pair of sneakers for the 30,000 steps she was getting in walking to class.

I could have shipped all but yes (the horrors!) I drove down and met them for lunch and brought what they needed. We also went to the store and bought other things they decided they needed after having lived there for a bit. I am 100% sure someone will criticize me for going down there but I do not care LOL. Other stuff they have decided they may need, they have bought on campus or ordered from Amazon.

You can do whatever works in your family.

But just because another family does it differently doesn’t mean they have a “crappy” relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone explain the pool noodle.

I think someone said they needed it to stuff into the space between the bed and the wall.

NP here and I still don’t get it. Why is there a space between the bed and the wall? And if there is, why is it a problem?

The bed bangs on the wall during sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is now a senior and each year she brings MUCH less than the year before.

BUT, we would be lost without Amazon. Can you imagine how much time parents must have wasted in the past mailing forgotten items to kids at college?

actually - the kids just survived without them - figured it out.

This is what I was thinking! And not in a negative way, but a "Ha, that's so true!" way. This applies to life in general - we used to all get by before Amazon changed our view on life and needs.

Yup. I don't recall my parents mailing me one thing I forgot at college. It would have to have been very important because they were very frugal and thought it not worth the shipping costs. I just went without or *gasp* went to a store and dealt with whatever they had in stock (not the vast selection from amazon).