Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey look, I've found the problem. You're bragging about how great you are, and then talking about how you love traveling.

Every Basic B*tch OLD profile has "love to travel" in it.

Also, you love to laugh, and you love to eat food, right?

Tell me something I don't know.

That you love "exploring the city"

Maybe these guys are doing you a favor. If you are a talkative person who wants someone politically and religiously compatible who will listen to her talk about her travels, then be blunt about that in your profile and try to look for people who fit the bill. The guys you are dating are clearly not the right ones, and going on 2-3 more dates with them just keeps you away from whoever will be right for you.

If you really like some of the ones you have dated, though, and you would want to change your conversational habits to be in a relationship with them, then you should change, possibly even with the help of a dating/social skills coach.

I get it--I was raised in NY and my family are loud and chatty and interrupt A LOT. I have had to retrain myself a lot to communicate will with others, and I still have a long way to go. Luckily I found a spouse who will put up with it (and who now does some of the things I'm trying to cut back on myself, sigh...) but it's up to you whether you want to change or want to hold out for someone who doesn't want to change. Either is ok!

Anonymous wrote:Hey look, I've found the problem. You're bragging about how great you are, and then talking about how you love traveling.

Every Basic B*tch OLD profile has "love to travel" in it.

Also, you love to laugh, and you love to eat food, right?

Tell me something I don't know.

Try an experiment on your next few dates -- only ask questions and listen and ask follow ups, and only respond to his questions. Don't tell stories unprompted.

Just try it and see what happens.

One theory I have is that maybe I'm "trying too hard" playing up the parts about myself I think are interesting. I like to talk about the different travel experiences and adventures I've had, the more unusual experiences and accomplishments - not in a braggadocious way, but in a "let me tell you this interesting story" kind of way, as opposed to the more mundane topics like job, hometown, college major, or TV shows. Could this be a turnoff? That I'm trying too hard to not be "basic"?

Hey look, I've found the problem. You're bragging about how great you are, and then talking about how you love traveling. So what they hear is "I think I'm awesome, so you should think I'm worth you taking me on fancy trips." I'm sure you'll say that's not how you mean it, but that's how it's coming across.

What do you mean, sometimes you get up the courage to ask on the first date if you will see Each other again?

That sounds....odd. Don’t do that. That’s his job, to ask you out again. That makes you seem a little desperate. If you want to send a thanks, it was fun meeting you! Kinda message afterwards that is fine, but don’t ask whether he’s going to want to see you again on the first date. That’s weird.

Not to sound mean, but if guys are not asking you out again...then you're either 1) not attractive or 2) not mentally stimulating.

Men, and dating in general, require two things: sexual attraction or mental stimulation. For men just sexual attraction is good enough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to be: happy, sexy, fun. Many women in this area take themselves very seriously and come across as a total drag.

This!

Agree, and if they stay after their 20s, and get married/have kids, they move to close-in Bethesda.

— female languishing in 20816

Ick.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to be: happy, sexy, fun. Many women in this area take themselves very seriously and come across as a total drag.

This!

Agree, and if they stay after their 20s, and get married/have kids, they move to close-in Bethesda.

— female languishing in 20816

I’m an attorney and I use to lie about this on my profile and claim to be something else the first date or two. I think it helped.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like you're trying too hard and it's coming off as inauthentic and boring.

When I did online dating, I went into first dates with no expectations. I saw the first date solely as a chance to "check each other out" and see if there might be some mutual attraction and enough to talk about. I didn't view it as me needing to impress or sell myself. And I didn't really see it as him needing to do that either. More like a step in between seeing a profile and going on a real date, to suss out chemistry.

It was very obvious to me when I met a man who was clearly going on a lot of first dates in an effort to find someone, and it was a turnoff. Obviously you don't to be too blasé; that's not appealing either. But it's hard to cover up earnestness, even if you think you are. You've got to find the space between not taking it too seriously right off the top and not coming off as a cool-girl doormat.

I was never not asked out on a second date, fwiw.

Agree with this. First date should be no more than an hour. Coffee, one drink, etc.

Do not commit to a dinner or anything more than an hour.

Try a dating coach for feedback

You sound like an interesting and accomplished woman! Are you swiping right on similar men? Anything less and those men will be intimidated.
Next, wear formfitting clothing, as said above... men are visual. Last, have a drink!

I can come off as reserved and unapproachable ... so I always make sure I look sexy and I smile a lot and I have a drink to loosen up a little.
I usually get asked out on 2nd dates. GL!

It’s seems like maybe you’re coming into the first date with a checklist of items you need to get through. Don’t approach it that way. Approach it like you just met the person (bc you did!) and you are falling into a natural conversation with them. Say you met a guy at a grocery store and started chatting. Would you immediately feel the need to clear the air re politics? I doubt it. Would you feel the need to talk about your travels straight away? No, you’d just follow the flow of the conversation.

Anonymous wrote:Your date knows your politics. They are exactly the same as every other woman he is meeting on the apps, so no need to "clear the air."

+1000

This is mistake number 1 and is to be avoided. Same with religion.

Keep it to yourself on the first date.