Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a slob before marriage and children. But never cleaning, like not scrubbing bathroom ever, never vacuuming, never cooking, oh that will never change. Will be hard for you with children unless you can afford a weekly housekeeper plus carryout for 4 every night for dinner. I'd bail unless you have a lot of money.

OP here. I have high HHI but I’m not going to rider out every night. First, it’s unhealthy, and secondly, I want to teach future kids how to cook. I don’t do all the deep cleaning but I do my own laundry, cook, load and empty dishwasher, hand wash dishes, and clean up the house. Her housekeeper does all of the deep cleaning. I was not a messy person and didn’t think I needed a housekeeper every week. I might have to if I want to make this work.

I don’t want to break up because it’s not a deal breaker for me. I love everything else about her.

It sounds like you aren’t compatible. What exactly do you like about her?

OP here. Well, she’s fit, hot, and has big boobs. She’s very good in bed! Besides looks and sex, she’s very passionate about her job. She’s smart, passionate, ambitious, fun, funny, adventurous, great with kids, enjoys the same hobbies, etc. She’s very kind and generous to everyone. She’s a good tipper ( even with poor service) and goes out of her way to be nice to those she cares about. My family and friends loves her. This is really her only negative I don’t like. It’s not a deal breaker, but it’s irritating.

OP here. The way she makes me feel is amazing. I’ve never felt so comfortable with someone. I feel so confident with her. She’s always supporting me. I love everything else besides her cleaning. Cooking really isn’t an issue since I like to cook. She can cook basic things but hates cooking.

She sounds great as long as you don't live with her. Having a gross house will get on your nerves despite all of her positive attributes.

If this bothers you now, it’s going to drive you absolutely insane after being together 10 years. This is a deal-breaker.

My DH is messy, but he has gotten better. I don't mind cleaning the most. We have two kids and no cleaner. I clean as I go, a little each day, so I doesn't feel like a huge burden.
My DH is NOT lazy though. He picks up the slack in other areas that I don't enjoy, like the bills, entertaining the kids, yard work, etc.

I think if you're ok with always being the cleaner, then it's not a deal breaker. But if she just plain lazy and expects you to do all the work in your partnership, then it'll get old fast, especially with kids.
Life is stressful enough - find someone who makes you stronger as a team together.

Anonymous wrote:Dump her. Don't marry this person because soon you will have a big messy house and little messy children and YOU will be doing all the work. The resentment is already growing. It will be ten fold if you marry her.

This is not necessarily true. I was kind of a lazy slob when I was single and childless, but having my own kids and household has turned me into a much neater person. Some people change these habits when they find themselves the caretaker and not the taken care of.

I am messy and DH is not and it is definitely the most difficult thing in our relationship. Every other point of conflict pales in comparison to this one. At one point he wanted to divorce me over it. I have gotten much better about cleaning and he has gotten a lot less judgmental and has been able to relax more so things are okay, but had I known he cared so much about cleanliness I wouldn’t have married him (it’s not like he didn’t know I was messy before he pursued me, I don’t know why he thought I would suddenly change).

Wait unit you have kids and the diaper genie is overflowing and reeks of poo and ammonia or the inevitable diaper change gone wrong and it gets on the wall or floor. Visualize this in your head OP.

The plates of food on the counter that are rotting and dried like concrete. Toys and clothes everywhere.

Then add pets and their fecal matter to the mix with hair and chewed up toys and whatever else strewn about.

You think you have a high HHI now but it won't be like that with kids and a the maid you're going to need three times a week not twice a month.

That's just the tip of the iceberg. Report back about the state of her breasts then.

If you dumped her, you would probably be doing both of you a favor in the long run. Couldn’t help but notice that the list of what you love about her begins with her appearance and sexual performance ability. So you are willing to overlook this now, but once she is no longer fit or hot, or if her boobs get saggy, or if she is too tired to have sex every night, you will probably either cheat or divorce her and you’ll lie to yourself and others that it’s over her housekeeping laziness so you don’t look like the bad guy. Your priorities seem like they are all surface level.

OP, set some minimum standards -- this is what worked for me as the slobby one. In our house, the standards are 1) dirty dishes go in the dishwasher by the end of the day, 2) clean dishes get unloaded immediately, 3) no clothes on the floor except in a tiny space on my side of the bed, 4) no towels on the floor ever.

OP you're in dreamland - you can't build a relationship on such shaky ground. It will get worse for you. She is not the only one in the world for you. Tell her it's torturing you and ask her to stop. See if that's a dealbreaker for her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a slob before marriage and children. But never cleaning, like not scrubbing bathroom ever, never vacuuming, never cooking, oh that will never change. Will be hard for you with children unless you can afford a weekly housekeeper plus carryout for 4 every night for dinner. I'd bail unless you have a lot of money.

OP here. I have high HHI but I’m not going to rider out every night. First, it’s unhealthy, and secondly, I want to teach future kids how to cook. I don’t do all the deep cleaning but I do my own laundry, cook, load and empty dishwasher, hand wash dishes, and clean up the house. Her housekeeper does all of the deep cleaning. I was not a messy person and didn’t think I needed a housekeeper every week. I might have to if I want to make this work.

I don’t want to break up because it’s not a deal breaker for me. I love everything else about her.

It sounds like you aren’t compatible. What exactly do you like about her?

OP here. Well, she’s fit, hot, and has big boobs. She’s very good in bed! Besides looks and sex, she’s very passionate about her job. She’s smart, passionate, ambitious, fun, funny, adventurous, great with kids, enjoys the same hobbies, etc. She’s very kind and generous to everyone. She’s a good tipper ( even with poor service) and goes out of her way to be nice to those she cares about. My family and friends loves her. This is really her only negative I don’t like. It’s not a deal breaker, but it’s irritating.

You are very naive. It will become a dealbreaker.

Anonymous wrote:Dump her. Don't marry this person because soon you will have a big messy house and little messy children and YOU will be doing all the work. The resentment is already growing. It will be ten fold if you marry her.

My first thought was he thinks it’s bad now, wait until she refuses to clean up after KIDS.

Dump her. Don't marry this person because soon you will have a big messy house and little messy children and YOU will be doing all the work. The resentment is already growing. It will be ten fold if you marry her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend is incredibly lazy. She doesn’t cook and barely cleans. She is very messy. I cook and clean. I grew up with a military dad who taught me it was important to be independent and able to handle those responsibilities. I grew up doing my own laundry and cooking many of my own meals ( after school) since I was like 12. She grew up with a mom who did her laundry and always cleaned up after her. I do love her but I’m starting to really worry about being with someone who is so messy. I can look past the cooking, but never cleaning up after herself is irritating.

What’s your question?

OP here. There is not question. Many people on here post topics to complain without a question or asking for advice. I’m just to here to vent. That’s it.

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend is incredibly lazy. She doesn’t cook and barely cleans. She is very messy. I cook and clean. I grew up with a military dad who taught me it was important to be independent and able to handle those responsibilities. I grew up doing my own laundry and cooking many of my own meals ( after school) since I was like 12. She grew up with a mom who did her laundry and always cleaned up after her. I do love her but I’m starting to really worry about being with someone who is so messy. I can look past the cooking, but never cleaning up after herself is irritating.

Except you didn't just post this as a vent. You claim this isn't a dealbreaker and her big boos are enough for you to overlook the roaches and mice, and carry you through a lifetime of happiness, Come back when you pln on proposing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a slob before marriage and children. But never cleaning, like not scrubbing bathroom ever, never vacuuming, never cooking, oh that will never change. Will be hard for you with children unless you can afford a weekly housekeeper plus carryout for 4 every night for dinner. I'd bail unless you have a lot of money.

OP here. I have high HHI but I’m not going to rider out every night. First, it’s unhealthy, and secondly, I want to teach future kids how to cook. I don’t do all the deep cleaning but I do my own laundry, cook, load and empty dishwasher, hand wash dishes, and clean up the house. Her housekeeper does all of the deep cleaning. I was not a messy person and didn’t think I needed a housekeeper every week. I might have to if I want to make this work.

I don’t want to break up because it’s not a deal breaker for me. I love everything else about her.

It sounds like you aren’t compatible. What exactly do you like about her?

OP here. Well, she’s fit, hot, and has big boobs. She’s very good in bed! Besides looks and sex, she’s very passionate about her job. She’s smart, passionate, ambitious, fun, funny, adventurous, great with kids, enjoys the same hobbies, etc. She’s very kind and generous to everyone. She’s a good tipper ( even with poor service) and goes out of her way to be nice to those she cares about. My family and friends loves her. This is really her only negative I don’t like. It’s not a deal breaker, but it’s irritating.

You have got to be a troll! How old are you? FYI Her liking and playing with other people's kids is no indication that she'll be a good mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a slob before marriage and children. But never cleaning, like not scrubbing bathroom ever, never vacuuming, never cooking, oh that will never change. Will be hard for you with children unless you can afford a weekly housekeeper plus carryout for 4 every night for dinner. I'd bail unless you have a lot of money.

OP here. I have high HHI but I’m not going to rider out every night. First, it’s unhealthy, and secondly, I want to teach future kids how to cook. I don’t do all the deep cleaning but I do my own laundry, cook, load and empty dishwasher, hand wash dishes, and clean up the house. Her housekeeper does all of the deep cleaning. I was not a messy person and didn’t think I needed a housekeeper every week. I might have to if I want to make this work.

I don’t want to break up because it’s not a deal breaker for me. I love everything else about her.

It sounds like you aren’t compatible. What exactly do you like about her?

OP here. Well, she’s fit, hot, and has big boobs. She’s very good in bed! Besides looks and sex, she’s very passionate about her job. She’s smart, passionate, ambitious, fun, funny, adventurous, great with kids, enjoys the same hobbies, etc. She’s very kind and generous to everyone. She’s a good tipper ( even with poor service) and goes out of her way to be nice to those she cares about. My family and friends loves her. This is really her only negative I don’t like. It’s not a deal breaker, but it’s irritating.

Well, none of that is important after you have kids, except being great with kids when she sees some. After kids, she is exhausted, chubby, hair in greasy frizz bun, and no time for adventure or hobbies. Just work, get kids, dinner, laundry, homework, get kids ready for bed, you all bed. Every day. I can't even watch TV ever. I have no time. I don't even sit on our couch. I have 1 kid.

This is not all women. I know several moms who have multiple kids and are still attractive, fit, and fun. They go on regular date nights with their husbands. It’s important to have a strong connection before you have kids. That’s what keeps things going when kids are young and things are hard.

It's also important not to be a filthy pig.