Anonymous wrote:So wondering WWYD here, as this is new ground for me... (I'm these kid's aunt)

My twin boys share a room, and are very close and love each other a lot. Both are potty trained, but one wears pull ups at night still.

Anyways, I'm not sure where this came from with him, but twin#2 has been telling his brother for a few nights here and there that he wishes he could wear a 'baby' diaper for bedtime, instead of a pull up. I've been hearing this through his twin, as he is apparantly too shy and nervous to let me know directly. (we've never made a big deal over him wetting the bed at night).

What would you do here, we're you me...? Still wondering if I should bother saying anything at all to him, as I'm technically not supposed to know about this 'request'.

How are the boys doing? I’ve been through a similar situation before with my boys. If he feels better in a diaper that’s perfectly fine.

Anonymous wrote:Np here How do you interact with the boys are you committing to the parental role? Do they view you as a parental figure or as a caregiver? Do you plan on raising them? Have you established a structured evening routine or bedtime? Do they attend school? If so how is their behavior at school? I'm not trying to be critical just seeking insight on the situation. FWIW my 5 year old son just started Kinder and he also wears Huggies at night. I've never given him an option for diapers or pull ups. I kept him in diapers because he's easier to change when sleeping.

Hey there! Sorry for the slow answer...but, yes indeed! The plan, while it's changed gradually over the course of Covid, etc--is for me to take on a parental role (I have custody at the moment).

To be perfectly honest, the two of them (and even myself still) still see me as more of a goofy, fun, silly aunt. As in previous times, I was often the 'fun' one that would let them get away with things others wouldn't, and overall let them have a good time. The shift to taking on a parental roll was admitedly VERY abrupt and unexpected, and all of us are still trying to get used to the idea still to this day. The boys, in general-- seem to love being here. But if I had to describe the situation right now (of transitioning to being a full-time home for them) it would be 'awkward'. Because, as I said before...I was always the 'fun' unstructured aunt. We HAVE actually done a much better with following a evening routine, when it comes to brushing teeth, cleaning up after dinner, winding down, etc.

They aren't in school just yet, but depending on how the situation end up with *my* work situation, and working remote. The idea has already been tossed about of trying to do a sort of hybrid homeschool, at least for a little while. They do however get along VERY well with other kids, particularly kids much younger, or way older than they are.

Np here How do you interact with the boys are you committing to the parental role? Do they view you as a parental figure or as a caregiver? Do you plan on raising them? Have you established a structured evening routine or bedtime? Do they attend school? If so how is their behavior at school? I'm not trying to be critical just seeking insight on the situation. FWIW my 5 year old son just started Kinder and he also wears Huggies at night. I've never given him an option for diapers or pull ups. I kept him in diapers because he's easier to change when sleeping.

Some kids can't be dry at night until they turn 8 and there is absolutely nothing wrong with them.

Give the kid a diaper....I like the suggestion to just say you found a bag lying around.

The boys do sound super sweet!

NP - don't discuss it anymore for the time being. Poor baby is worried that he'll get in trouble for both peeing in diaper, AND going to bathroom at night. His twin is his sounding board. He's anxious to do either. It seems as if he doesn't want to burden or upset you. Let him take control, reassure him that whatever he chooses is absolutely fine. Then don't talk about it anymore. You're an angel for these kids, they don't want to lose you, too. Trust is earned, you're almost there. xo

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. If the kid can wake up enough to know he needs to go to the bathroom, why does he need to be wearing diapers at all?

OP here again.

For the most part, he primarily has accidents in the night when he's completely out of it and 100% asleep. The discussion we had about him going when he's awake--is actually a fairly uncommon thing for him. He does NOT typically (possible TMI here) have one or two 'major' accidents in the night. Rather it's more often than not, numerous (12+ or more a night, easily) small, tiny 'leaks' that happen all throughout the night. I'm not sure if this means anything necessarily? But--with him asking if he would be allowed to 'go' without running to the toilet--we're talking about a very, VERY small amount of pee.

I seriously think, in his eyes--from a couple of quick talks we've had about this in passing-- he gets upset about the expectation that he get up and run to the bathroom, as we did with the pull-ups... when he knows he *typically* will only pee a very small amount.

PP from before.

I dont know this child's full background, but no kid should be getting up that often in the night feeling like they need to run to the bathroom. He needs to be getting sleep at that age. Is he actually in diapers yet? You need to be the parent, and put aside worrying about hurting his feelings or embarrassing him for a while, and tell him that it's OK to use his diaper in the night if he wakes up and needs to go for right now. A full night's sleep is more important at his stage of development than aiming for dry night diapers.

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. If the kid can wake up enough to know he needs to go to the bathroom, why does he need to be wearing diapers at all?

OP here again.

For the most part, he primarily has accidents in the night when he's completely out of it and 100% asleep. The discussion we had about him going when he's awake--is actually a fairly uncommon thing for him. He does NOT typically (possible TMI here) have one or two 'major' accidents in the night. Rather it's more often than not, numerous (12+ or more a night, easily) small, tiny 'leaks' that happen all throughout the night. I'm not sure if this means anything necessarily? But--with him asking if he would be allowed to 'go' without running to the toilet--we're talking about a very, VERY small amount of pee.

I seriously think, in his eyes--from a couple of quick talks we've had about this in passing-- he gets upset about the expectation that he get up and run to the bathroom, as we did with the pull-ups... when he knows he *typically* will only pee a very small amount.

Anonymous wrote:The boy may have some trauma about getting out of bed at night. Maybe he used to get up to pee but that's when he saw stuff his bio parents were doing that little kids shouldn't see and so now he does whatever he can to wait until morning, when it's safe, to get out of bed.

Maybe he's scared of the sound the toilet makes and doesn't like to flush it alone, at night in the dark.

Maybe he wants the diaper because he likes the individual attention he gets as you put it on him.

All of these are valid reasons and ways that he might be trying to exert some small amount of control over his life. Let him go out his own pace. You're doing great!

OP here, very sorry for not replying to everyone before! I didn't mean to vanish-- we had a bit of a hectic week, but...I'm here now!

Just though I'd say, these two came to be under my custody and move in with me right in the middle of the pandemic, after having lived with THREE other families in less than a year. All after going through a difficult time with their last remaining biological parent, who wasn't abusive per se...but *was* very indifferent about having children, or being a parent at all, once his wife had passed. Further, the custody process itself was delayed multiple times by court backups, due to covid. So to put it gently, they've had a rough time together. Both kids have a very pronounced distrust of adults in general, and have only just recently started to open up somewhat to me--their aunt--after living here full-time for the past few months. Including through a lockdown, where we were with each other pretty much 24/7, 365.

...and they're JUST now beginning to trust me. This has been a tricky transition.

Anyways, for the twin that's been wearing diapers the last 5.5 of 7 nights - he is still VERY cautious about talking about much of anything relating to this with anyone besides his brother. So a lot of this is partially secondhand information! But, what I've heard so far:

He certainly prefers the fit, of the Huggies we've been using. (I was concerned I'd bought the wrong size for him, but we seem to be OK as far as that goes?) and certainly feels better with the process of having one but on him before bed. (also something I'd been concerned about...as I'm VERY new to putting on diapers.)

For a few reasons, we haven't spoken much directly about the possibility of him (slight TMI warning here) 'going' in them, while awake in bed. But my hope was to possibly talk with him a bit about this further this weekend, now that things are a bit calmer. I'm not certain how exactly he's been approaching that this week. He's had a wet diaper each morning he's worn one this week, although that by itself doesn't really tell me anything I suppose. He does still, the majority of the time-- have genuine *accidents* where he's 100% asleep, when he pees, so it's difficult to get a clear understanding.

Regardless, I truly appreciate everyone's input and suggestions here! Thank you once again!

The boy may have some trauma about getting out of bed at night. Maybe he used to get up to pee but that's when he saw stuff his bio parents were doing that little kids shouldn't see and so now he does whatever he can to wait until morning, when it's safe, to get out of bed.

Maybe he's scared of the sound the toilet makes and doesn't like to flush it alone, at night in the dark.

Maybe he wants the diaper because he likes the individual attention he gets as you put it on him.

All of these are valid reasons and ways that he might be trying to exert some small amount of control over his life. Let him go out his own pace. You're doing great!