Anonymous wrote:I'd dump him. I don't need that crap in my life.

+1. DTMF

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hypothetical question, in a marriage, do you ladies think kids come first, or spouse? Bc if any woman is not willing to put their spouse first, it is going to cause a problem, and even though BF is not a spouse, if she aspires to have one, this issue is going to arise. There are not a lot of men who will tolerate being second to kids, especially someone else’s kids, once married.

In marriage, kids and spouses are a triad- all have to be taken care of equally for the family to flourish.

In second marriage or boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, kids first, then BF/GF, by a lot.

I think married Dads get this, but boyfriends/stepdads do not.

This is the right answer.

No, it’s not right to say that a first spouse is more important than a second spouse. A marriage is a marriage and that relationship is just as important whether it’s the first or the second.

Anonymous wrote:Op - you don't "deal with this". You shouldn't be dating him. It might be you shouldn't be dating at all.

but definitely not him

NP: Guy that age with kids. Maybe you need to set boundaries and communicate as it sounds like you let things go a bit. I would never introduce my kids or blend but that is my choice and others have done it but not for me for exactly this reason

Op - you don't "deal with this". You shouldn't be dating him. It might be you shouldn't be dating at all.

but definitely not him

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he sounds like a man-baby. Who's going to take care of you when you're old? Not this guy! Kids come first, and if he doesn't like it he can scram.

Thanks that was my inclination. But I find his fussing especially lame because he has done the EXACT SAME THING (canceled our plans to see his kid, tagged along on my pre-planned vacation with my two, with his older teen kid and her friend that thoroughly degraded the trip, refused to take me to ER when I was injured because he had to drop a book off at her school, etc etc.) I have endless examples of him prioritizing his kids over me, even when I needed him urgently. So I’m kind of feeling a bit of gratification perhaps, but he is too dense to notice it… ugh men forever selfish…?

I’m highlighting this post from the OP which is basically a laundry list of red flags. This is a guy who will refuse you a ride to the hospital because he prioritized a book for his kid. That it was his kid is irrelevant—you come after random errands. You mean nothing to him. Your well-being means nothing. If he’s such a great lay that you don’t care, keep him as a FWB. Right now you’re embarrassing yourself.

Dealing with the same. Inclined to dump

Anonymous wrote:Men get even more whiny as they get older. It'll just get worse.

Haha funny I’ve noticed same! I find ad I get older, I’m much less tolerant of the whining.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of the man baby.

But he's so so good in bed. Not that easy to find, at this point, which I do appreciate when my kids are with their dad and I am not swamped at work and the dishes are done etc etc...

Your kids don't deserve this bullsh*t attitude of yours, where sex and flying airplanes and swinging a hammer is more important than them. Can't you string him along as a friend with benefits occasionally until your kids are grown and then you can prioritize him all you want. Or maybe let them live with their dad while you bang this awesome guy? Just some thoughts.

Sorry I think I’ve created confusion, or you’ve misunderstood. Those were things I found appealing about him initially. Now he’s bothering me with his complaint about not getting enough attention and I’m wondering what other moms have done if they’ve had a similar situation. I like him a lot but the kids are my life.

I get that you're wondering what other moms have done in a similar situation. The thing is, you're not going to change him no matter what you do. He's selfish and doesn't understand, even at his advanced age, that children come first. So hopefully what some other moms have done is prioritized their kids over their BF no matter how otherwise great he seems to be if he doesn't understand this basic concept. I get that you don't want to give him up, but truth hurts sometimes.

Yes I 100% agree with you. Was hoping for some insight as how to stay connected to him while in my prime mom mode. But perhaps he will just drift away.
It’s weird because he was trying to be an almost stepdad for a while, wanted to be listed as emergency contact, came to soccer games, helped with homework, etc. It’s sort of like he crossed his arms and got fed up: 😤 and whiny and then checked out. Fair enough. I was hoping I could nurture the relationship so he felt content enough until I have more down time, while also Mom’ing.

You can. Only go to his place, only when the kids are with dad. Given his attitude he should have no relationship with your kids. He'll probably like that. Keep that up until the kids are grown and gone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of the man baby.

But he's so so good in bed. Not that easy to find, at this point, which I do appreciate when my kids are with their dad and I am not swamped at work and the dishes are done etc etc...

Your kids don't deserve this bullsh*t attitude of yours, where sex and flying airplanes and swinging a hammer is more important than them. Can't you string him along as a friend with benefits occasionally until your kids are grown and then you can prioritize him all you want. Or maybe let them live with their dad while you bang this awesome guy? Just some thoughts.

Sorry I think I’ve created confusion, or you’ve misunderstood. Those were things I found appealing about him initially. Now he’s bothering me with his complaint about not getting enough attention and I’m wondering what other moms have done if they’ve had a similar situation. I like him a lot but the kids are my life.

I get that you're wondering what other moms have done in a similar situation. The thing is, you're not going to change him no matter what you do. He's selfish and doesn't understand, even at his advanced age, that children come first. So hopefully what some other moms have done is prioritized their kids over their BF no matter how otherwise great he seems to be if he doesn't understand this basic concept. I get that you don't want to give him up, but truth hurts sometimes.

Yes I 100% agree with you. Was hoping for some insight as how to stay connected to him while in my prime mom mode. But perhaps he will just drift away.
It’s weird because he was trying to be an almost stepdad for a while, wanted to be listed as emergency contact, came to soccer games, helped with homework, etc. It’s sort of like he crossed his arms and got fed up: 😤 and whiny and then checked out. Fair enough. I was hoping I could nurture the relationship so he felt content enough until I have more down time, while also Mom’ing.

Men get even more whiny as they get older. It'll just get worse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of the man baby.

But he's so so good in bed. Not that easy to find, at this point, which I do appreciate when my kids are with their dad and I am not swamped at work and the dishes are done etc etc...

Your kids don't deserve this bullsh*t attitude of yours, where sex and flying airplanes and swinging a hammer is more important than them. Can't you string him along as a friend with benefits occasionally until your kids are grown and then you can prioritize him all you want. Or maybe let them live with their dad while you bang this awesome guy? Just some thoughts.

Sorry I think I’ve created confusion, or you’ve misunderstood. Those were things I found appealing about him initially. Now he’s bothering me with his complaint about not getting enough attention and I’m wondering what other moms have done if they’ve had a similar situation. I like him a lot but the kids are my life.

I get that you're wondering what other moms have done in a similar situation. The thing is, you're not going to change him no matter what you do. He's selfish and doesn't understand, even at his advanced age, that children come first. So hopefully what some other moms have done is prioritized their kids over their BF no matter how otherwise great he seems to be if he doesn't understand this basic concept. I get that you don't want to give him up, but truth hurts sometimes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he sounds like a man-baby. Who's going to take care of you when you're old? Not this guy! Kids come first, and if he doesn't like it he can scram.

Thanks that was my inclination. But I find his fussing especially lame because he has done the EXACT SAME THING (canceled our plans to see his kid, tagged along on my pre-planned vacation with my two, with his older teen kid and her friend that thoroughly degraded the trip, refused to take me to ER when I was injured because he had to drop a book off at her school, etc etc.) I have endless examples of him prioritizing his kids over me, even when I needed him urgently. So I’m kind of feeling a bit of gratification perhaps, but he is too dense to notice it… ugh men forever selfish…?

oh man. Not good. Hate tag alongs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of the man baby.

But he's so so good in bed. Not that easy to find, at this point, which I do appreciate when my kids are with their dad and I am not swamped at work and the dishes are done etc etc...

Your kids don't deserve this bullsh*t attitude of yours, where sex and flying airplanes and swinging a hammer is more important than them. Can't you string him along as a friend with benefits occasionally until your kids are grown and then you can prioritize him all you want. Or maybe let them live with their dad while you bang this awesome guy? Just some thoughts.

Sorry I think I’ve created confusion, or you’ve misunderstood. Those were things I found appealing about him initially. Now he’s bothering me with his complaint about not getting enough attention and I’m wondering what other moms have done if they’ve had a similar situation. I like him a lot but the kids are my life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound awful, he's better off without you. Release him from the dreadful burden of being around you.

Dreadful burden? He is asking for more of my time/attention- he is loving when his feelings aren't hurt. I'd love to give him more attention, but after I get kids from soccer and dinner is done and the homework is turned in, etc. Right? I mean, wth?

Right but you also deserve to have a life and you need to think about what will happen to you when you are older and kids fly the nest. If you have a great man you love, maybe think about getting a mother’s helper for some of those more routine things.

I don't think OP is giving enough information to support the cries if man baby and dtmf

Unpopular opinion but I think single parents do need to spend significant time with their sos to vet them before combining lives. We say kids first, but guess who suffers when parents marry people they barely no?

We also don't know what boyfriend means by having more time. Op has roughly 2 weeks every week without her kids , maybe he would like more time then. Also, opa kids are teenagers not little kids it's highly unlikely they want to spend their every second with their mom.

He's a a boyfriend it's not unreasonable for him to want time with his gf.

It sounds like op just wants a FWB who will come around when she needs it. Nothing wrong about that but she needs to be honest about what she's looking for.