Anonymous wrote:If your fiancee is like this for many things, please reconsider marrying him. It will get worse.

If you wish to go through with this wedding, then put your foot down now. Dogs DO NOT DO WELL in home wedding situations at all - they feel your stress, they're overstimulated by the unfamiliar smells (so many of them!), and they will bark, nip, pee on someone's leg or eat something they shouldn't, and fight if there's a stranger dog.

So please call back this cousin and tell him that his dog stays at the hotel (in a crate, with chew toys). And board your own dog, or have a neighbor take care of him for the day. Do not leave your dog inside the house - people will go in and out, he'll sense the excitement outside, and may be destructive or escape.

In a crate with chew toys for 12 hours, so they're covered in their own p!ss & sh!t when you come back from the wedding?? Sounds fun.

If the hotel accepts dogs, there's no need to
crate them... and it's not the OP's place to dictate what the cousin does at the hotel anyway.

You sound like a control freak.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm baffled about the recommendations for asking a guest to be the 'dog person'. What's next - asking a guest to be the 'washing dishes person'?

I kind of get this, because some people do ask how they can help.
The suggestion I didn't understand at all was asking a friend who wasn't invited to take the dogs. LOL. "Umm, I didn't invite you to my wedding, but would you mind dogsitting for me and someone I did invite to the wedding?"

It was me! It's a tiny wedding, right? If my neighbor on the next block had a tiny wedding in her yard, I certainly wouldn't expect to be invited. But I would happily watch her dog (I love dogs). Or a colleague, or whatever. People shouldn't get offended about not being invited to weddings in general but especially not this very small wedding during Covid.

I also disagree that it would be weird to ask a guest. Close family/friends who ask what they can do to help often get a task at a small wedding. Gathering centerpieces, taking home the extra favors, whatever. I actually WAS the dog care person at a small home wedding when I was a teen and it was great. I love dogs, and I made sure the dog was on a leash, hydrated and happy the whole day so the couple didn't have to worry about it.

For the record, I think the cousin is insanely rude to ask to bring his/her dog and the fiancee blew it by saying yes and should call back and fix it. I'm just talking about the couple's own dog who lives there.

Anonymous wrote:Ask one of the people that is asking how they can help to be the dog person.

Honestly?
I would LOVE to be the dog person at weddings, lol.
I can't stand small talk and having to run down your resume with new people (what do you do? where do you work? where did you go to school? do you know so-and-so? etc).

If we're at a party, I make a bee line for the animals, lol.

OP, maybe you can hire a neighbor kid if nobody in your family / friends can shoulder the burden?

OP, just tell your fiancee and your cousin that there was a a miscommunication, and no dogs are allowed.

If your fiancee creates additional drama, then it is in fact time to communicate with him about what is actually going on here, before you tie the knot.,

Just tell them no. I had a sibling bring 2 large dogs to a baptism at my house (large party, not the actual baptism). They scratched my door up from the basement, were too hot in the garage and then counter surfed food! I really don't think my sibling was able to relax the entire day either because the dogs were so poorly behaved. They're normally better behaved but the party made them go psycho.

Anonymous wrote:Tell your fiancee you have a special date night planned.

Surprise him with the first episode of the Brady Bunch where the cat and dog run amuck at the wedding.

Perfect.

If your fiancee is like this for many things, please reconsider marrying him. It will get worse.

If you wish to go through with this wedding, then put your foot down now. Dogs DO NOT DO WELL in home wedding situations at all - they feel your stress, they're overstimulated by the unfamiliar smells (so many of them!), and they will bark, nip, pee on someone's leg or eat something they shouldn't, and fight if there's a stranger dog.

So please call back this cousin and tell him that his dog stays at the hotel (in a crate, with chew toys). And board your own dog, or have a neighbor take care of him for the day. Do not leave your dog inside the house - people will go in and out, he'll sense the excitement outside, and may be destructive or escape.

Anonymous wrote:Doggy daycare. For both dogs.

https://northernvirginiamag.com/family/pets/2020/07/16/16-doggy-day-cares-in-northern-virginia/

Even if cousin wanted to leave dog alone at hotel, it is against most hotel policies.

+ a million. This isn’t hard. Counting takes both dogs to doggie day care. Board Hound is a great one.

Anonymous wrote:To fiancee: You know, I've been thinking about it and I'm not comfortable having either dog at the wedding. Could you please contact Joe and let him know?
If that's not a conversation you feel you can have, then it's time to rethink the engagement. Do not let your fiancee try to talk you out of your discomfort. That's is a major red flag. (BTDT).

This. Do you feel your fiance is steamrolling over you regarding the dogs? If yes do NOT marry him.

Doggy daycare. For both dogs.

https://northernvirginiamag.com/family/pets/2020/07/16/16-doggy-day-cares-in-northern-virginia/

Even if cousin wanted to leave dog alone at hotel, it is against most hotel policies.

To fiancee: You know, I've been thinking about it and I'm not comfortable having either dog at the wedding. Could you please contact Joe and let him know?
If that's not a conversation you feel you can have, then it's time to rethink the engagement. Do not let your fiancee try to talk you out of your discomfort. That's is a major red flag. (BTDT).

While no wedding day is absolutely perfect, is this turning out remotely what you were seeking for the wedding day?

OP, as others have said - this is about more than the dog. This is a fiancee problem.

If you aren't able to have influence with him for something that is important to you, and if he's not able to understand the level of stress you're experiencing and respond to it in a way that reflects kindness and understanding (which is not always the same as agreeing, but does mean at least feeling heard), then this is going to be a frustrating and unhappy pattern in your relationship with him.

For as embarrassing as it is to call off or postpone a wedding, that's a TON better than to go through with it to save face and divorce later. (Ask me how I know.)

What's up with people bringing their damn dogs EVERYWHERE? Seriously. It's getting so out of hand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think putting the 2 dogs in separate bedrooms would work. Just tell the cousin that you have guests who do not like (allergic to?) dogs.

And then when the cousin's dog trashes your bedroom, you can send him the bill.

The dogs in separate bedrooms will NOT work. My dog is the loveliest, most easy going dog imaginable. But he would be quite unhappy being shut in a bedroom when he knows that there is a huge party with delicious food going on right outside the door. A social dog will want to be with the people. A food-driven dog will want to be with the food. An anxious dog will be made more anxious by all of this. An aggressive dog will be riled up by this. A dog that is dog reactive (or dog attracted) will be made crazy knowing that there is another dog in the room next to it. The only dog that would be okay with this shut up in the bedroom situation is one that is really old, deaf, and just wants to sleep all day. Or maybe one that is really used to the notion of being shut up in a bedroom during parties.
I agree you need to tell the fiance that this is not going to work, and you're really hurt that he would make this decision without talking it through with you. This is a major red flag...I see the future posts about how he told his mother she could stay with you for months without clearing it with you, signed the kids up for travel soccer assuming you'd drive them, adopted a high energy dog without your agreement....these are all real posts from this forum.