Anonymous wrote:Guy here.
What did the last guys you went out with look like and do for a living? Also, you said you're bi-racial. What race/ethnicity were they?

I ask a superficial question because the answer you got from them seems like BS, so I imagine there's more to it that they just didn't want to say.

Anonymous wrote:Can someone please explain why being a sports fan is a red flag?

Anonymous wrote:Did you play bball yourself? I find it weird to be a huge sports fan and never have played. I also find it weird to be a huge sports fan in general. And I played D1 soccer in college and love the game. But past the age of 30, it’s just weird for that to take up mental space on a regular basis. Follow a team and go to games, sure but that’s weird that that’s the first thing you said about yourself f you never even identified as a player.

Anonymous wrote:Can someone please explain why being a sports fan is a red flag?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you play bball yourself? I find it weird to be a huge sports fan and never have played. I also find it weird to be a huge sports fan in general. And I played D1 soccer in college and love the game. But past the age of 30, it’s just weird for that to take up mental space on a regular basis. Follow a team and go to games, sure but that’s weird that that’s the first thing you said about yourself f you never even identified as a player.

I think it’s quite common to be into sports without identifying as a player, especially when it’s women who aren’t naturally athletic and/or who are into male-dominated sports like baseball and football. I don’t really understand the appeal of being really into sports like so many are (except brackets, those are fun even if you don’t know the teams), but tons of people are.

Yeah, I get that and I’m the PP soccer player and I’m a woman. I find women and men that are uber fans into sports who never played bizarre. But OP isn’t looking for me. That’s just a red flag of mine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you play bball yourself? I find it weird to be a huge sports fan and never have played. I also find it weird to be a huge sports fan in general. And I played D1 soccer in college and love the game. But past the age of 30, it’s just weird for that to take up mental space on a regular basis. Follow a team and go to games, sure but that’s weird that that’s the first thing you said about yourself f you never even identified as a player.

I think it’s quite common to be into sports without identifying as a player, especially when it’s women who aren’t naturally athletic and/or who are into male-dominated sports like baseball and football. I don’t really understand the appeal of being really into sports like so many are (except brackets, those are fun even if you don’t know the teams), but tons of people are.

Anonymous wrote:Did you play bball yourself? I find it weird to be a huge sports fan and never have played. I also find it weird to be a huge sports fan in general. And I played D1 soccer in college and love the game. But past the age of 30, it’s just weird for that to take up mental space on a regular basis. Follow a team and go to games, sure but that’s weird that that’s the first thing you said about yourself f you never even identified as a player.

Anonymous wrote:Are you a stage 5 clinger?

Maybe you act too suffocating or desperate. Or smell? Or pick bad boy types.

Anonymous wrote:Did you play bball yourself? I find it weird to be a huge sports fan and never have played. I also find it weird to be a huge sports fan in general. And I played D1 soccer in college and love the game. But past the age of 30, it’s just weird for that to take up mental space on a regular basis. Follow a team and go to games, sure but that’s weird that that’s the first thing you said about yourself f you never even identified as a player.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you really sound like a fantastic catch, and so I think it may be your mindset that needs a little help.

I was like you and could suddenly feel really shy around guys and had trouble relaxing and engaging. I then thought about how I was so different with my friends and colleagues and decided, "Hey, I just met this guys so I don't really have anything invested. I just want to enjoy myself and have a good time." That helped me move from feeling shy/uncomfortable to just relaxing and being myself.

It also helped that I tried to make dating like a hobby- it was something I was going to do once a week, and I was going to get better at it. I became much better in having dynamic conversations, perfecting my date outfits, and not taking it all so seriously. I found the repetition helpful: you're kind of going to have at least several minutes of the exact same conversation on every date about who you are/what's your story, having a go-to casual and a fancier date outfit, makeup routine, etc. Practice may not make perfect, but it did make me less stressed and awkward.

I also had it confirmed by my friends and my now boyfriend that initial attraction matters. I also go for comfort over cute, but I made sure to always wear fitted clothes for every date. I love flowy dresses but that can be the kiss of death apparently with some guys.