Op, whether it is $5K or $5K if she doesn't know how to communicate then there is no point agreeing to it. She can bully you more like this in the future and there is nothing you could do about it.

Be honest, how are you with style, design, artistic things? Is this just a case of a guy who can’t see the difference between laminate and marble? Because I guarantee future buyers can.

Don't worry about "being a pushover." I think that kind of thinking is a bad sign for your marriage. You are supposed to be on the same team.

If that is NOT a lot of money for your family/budget, let her have it.

If your budget is tight, then discuss it like two mature adults, and let her weigh in about something that you might trade off for this expenditure.

OP, my wife and I bought a condo 3 years ago and it was nice but she wanted to update to her settle. I resisted but gave in. She has great taste and it looks much better than before. The space looks brighter and very nice. We did spend a lot monkey - $10k, but we also put down hardwood floors in the bedrooms. It was well worth. She told me that she worked hard and wanted a nice home. We spent a fortune ( $20k) on furnishing they condo but it was money well spent. She is super happy and loves the condo. If you have the money, do it. You can set a budget.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We spent 200K gut-renovating. You're getting off easy, OP!
Seriously, if you can afford it, make her happy.

OP here. We specifically chose houses that were move in-ready. We will only be here for 3, maybe 5 years tops. I don’t want to spend money that will not increase resale value.

I'm a DW, and when we were remodeling the kitchen, I had the same argument with my DH, except he's the one who wanted to spend a lot more to make unnecessary changes. I put my foot down. I told him he can work more and earn more if he wanted to spend more.

He also wanted to retire early, take nice vacations, etc... I had to constantly remind him that he can't retire early and travel if he keep spending money like this.

It's been 20 years now since that argument, and DH can retire at 59 in a couple of years.

To be fair, I have, over the years, been willing to spend more as we have seen our nest egg get to a certain point.


But maybe your situation is different.

Too much austerity early on. It isn’t a virtue.

Tell that to DH who is so thankful of my frugality.

And I wasn't that austere. We took very nice international vacations.

I don’t get all of this early retirement stuff.
I get saving some for old age, but if you are so miserable at your job in your thirties that you are constantly thinking about saving enough money to quit, then maybe you should quit and find a job that you enjoy or think is important.

I don't hate my job, but I can't wait to retire early. I enjoy not having to work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with “give in and make her happy” is that she will not be happy if she married a contemptible pushover who gives in whenever she makes demands.

Have some backbone FFS.

Yes, I'm sure that she'd be a lot happier with a guy who doesn't care about what she wants.

Do you give your children everything they want, especially if they demand it with anger and tantrums?

No, and it’s not because you don’t care what they want and don’t want them to be happy.

If you give in to emotional blackmail, neither you nor the kid will be happy. And the same applies to emotional or sexual blackmail from a wife.

Dang you make me so happy I am not married to you. I love being married to a grown up who doesn’t treat me like a child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with “give in and make her happy” is that she will not be happy if she married a contemptible pushover who gives in whenever she makes demands.

Have some backbone FFS.

Yes, I'm sure that she'd be a lot happier with a guy who doesn't care about what she wants.

Do you give your children everything they want, especially if they demand it with anger and tantrums?

No, and it’s not because you don’t care what they want and don’t want them to be happy.

If you give in to emotional blackmail, neither you nor the kid will be happy. And the same applies to emotional or sexual blackmail from a wife.

If you're treating your spouse the same way you treat your children, you're already in deep trouble.

Two adults should care about helping each other get what they want, and respect each other's judgment enough not to second-guess. If it would cause a financial catastrophe, of course that's another matter. But if it's simply a matter that one spouse doesn't think it's "worth it" then it turns into a matter of respect. Your wife doesn't see things the same way you do, and that's okay. You don't need to see everything the same way. You just need to respect each other's POV.

And it's beyond creepy that some posters (or maybe one poster?) keep steering this into sexual references. But if that's the only way those posters will understand: yes, of course, both spouses should care about each other's happiness in bed -- and out of bed. It's just part of caring.

Anonymous wrote:Newly married and buying a house. Still in debt from the wedding?

OP here. No. We paid for wedding with savings. We have no debt now excerpt for our mortgage and our cars.

Anonymous wrote:How much was the house?

OP here. We paid close to $700k for it.

Newly married and buying a house. Still in debt from the wedding?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happy wife, happy life. If you have the money, do it.

I hate this saying. Don’t negotiate with (emotional) terrorists.

Hate it or not, it’s true

It’s true that if you give in to terrorist demands, tomorrow they’ll be back with new demands.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with “give in and make her happy” is that she will not be happy if she married a contemptible pushover who gives in whenever she makes demands.

Have some backbone FFS.

Yes, I'm sure that she'd be a lot happier with a guy who doesn't care about what she wants.

Do you give your children everything they want, especially if they demand it with anger and tantrums?

No, and it’s not because you don’t care what they want and don’t want them to be happy.

If you give in to emotional blackmail, neither you nor the kid will be happy. And the same applies to emotional or sexual blackmail from a wife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We spent 200K gut-renovating. You're getting off easy, OP!
Seriously, if you can afford it, make her happy.

OP here. We specifically chose houses that were move in-ready. We will only be here for 3, maybe 5 years tops. I don’t want to spend money that will not increase resale value.

I'm a DW, and when we were remodeling the kitchen, I had the same argument with my DH, except he's the one who wanted to spend a lot more to make unnecessary changes. I put my foot down. I told him he can work more and earn more if he wanted to spend more.

He also wanted to retire early, take nice vacations, etc... I had to constantly remind him that he can't retire early and travel if he keep spending money like this.

It's been 20 years now since that argument, and DH can retire at 59 in a couple of years.

To be fair, I have, over the years, been willing to spend more as we have seen our nest egg get to a certain point.


But maybe your situation is different.

Too much austerity early on. It isn’t a virtue.

Tell that to DH who is so thankful of my frugality.

And I wasn't that austere. We took very nice international vacations.

I don’t get all of this early retirement stuff.
I get saving some for old age, but if you are so miserable at your job in your thirties that you are constantly thinking about saving enough money to quit, then maybe you should quit and find a job that you enjoy or think is important.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happy wife, happy life. If you have the money, do it.

I hate this saying. Don’t negotiate with (emotional) terrorists.

It’s been an awful year. I agree if you have the money please say yes.

OP—You’ve asked for input, and when people are giving it, you just want to argue.

What’s your point here?