Anonymous
Post 08/05/2021 08:28     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
Who is contemplating more kids right now?! I had my third last year during virtual school abridged daycare hours quarantine hell and am like hmmm maybe I should have stuck with one.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2021 08:27     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
We had five kids in my family. I remember crying when my parents told me we they were having #5. I was the oldest and already felt they never had time for me or wanted to do anything just with me.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2021 20:42     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't know *anyone* who can really afford 4 kids. Most people just live on maxed out credit cards.


This likely depends on where you live and what your standards of living are. We live in CO in a modest sfh just outside the city, send our kids to public, don’t generally buy luxury items, and don’t travel internationally often. We have 4 and are financially stable. We would not be able to afford our lifestyle, though, in the Bay Area or NYC.

I grew up with 3 siblings and loved it so I wanted the same for my kids. If I wanted a lot of extra money and liked buying luxury or designer stuff I would have stopped at two but this isn’t important to me, personally.


Can you fully pay for all the kids to go to a state college? That would be my absolute minimum.


Yes. That is our minimum as well. I’m hoping we will be able to help beyond that but that is dependent on how our careers develop over time.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2021 20:35     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't know *anyone* who can really afford 4 kids. Most people just live on maxed out credit cards.


This likely depends on where you live and what your standards of living are. We live in CO in a modest sfh just outside the city, send our kids to public, don’t generally buy luxury items, and don’t travel internationally often. We have 4 and are financially stable. We would not be able to afford our lifestyle, though, in the Bay Area or NYC.

I grew up with 3 siblings and loved it so I wanted the same for my kids. If I wanted a lot of extra money and liked buying luxury or designer stuff I would have stopped at two but this isn’t important to me, personally.


Can you fully pay for all the kids to go to a state college? That would be my absolute minimum.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2021 20:33     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
I also have 3 young kids and am considering a 4th. I’m 33 now and don’t want to have to rush it but also don’t want to be much older than I am now when/if the 4th is born.

If I had started earlier I would have 4 but may be done due to age and wanting to get back to work (I am a sahm currently).
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2021 20:20     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
Anonymous wrote:Interesting that people here don't think families of five are big families. I certainly do!


I put it in the medium-slightly big category. I think of a family of 3 as small, 4 as typical, 5 as medium but inching towards big and 6 as big. I think of anyone with 5+ kids as having a huge family.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2021 20:16     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
Anonymous wrote:I don't know *anyone* who can really afford 4 kids. Most people just live on maxed out credit cards.


This likely depends on where you live and what your standards of living are. We live in CO in a modest sfh just outside the city, send our kids to public, don’t generally buy luxury items, and don’t travel internationally often. We have 4 and are financially stable. We would not be able to afford our lifestyle, though, in the Bay Area or NYC.

I grew up with 3 siblings and loved it so I wanted the same for my kids. If I wanted a lot of extra money and liked buying luxury or designer stuff I would have stopped at two but this isn’t important to me, personally.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2021 20:00     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
I don't know *anyone* who can really afford 4 kids. Most people just live on maxed out credit cards.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2021 16:48     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
Interesting that people here don't think families of five are big families. I certainly do!
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2021 16:34     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
Anonymous wrote:It seems odd to ask a bunch of strangers about family planning. Listen, its a lot of time and energy to have a lot of children. And its not just about what you want. Think about your kids...will they be ok with another one in the mix? I'm the oldest of 5, my mom said after 3, she didn't even notice any more, but is that a good thing? I will say, I have 1, I may have considered one more if I didn't start so late, but at this point my mom has more children than grandchildren because so many of us were not into the chaos. So think about your kids' personalities as well. I love all of my siblings and can't imagine life without them, but I think my childhood would've been a lot less chaotic without so many of us.


Yeah all these “big families are happy families!” posts are nutty. Ideally in most cases you love your siblings. The DCUM family relationships forums are proof that this doesn’t always occur whether it’s 2 siblings or 6. But it’s clearly fewer resources. My friend was 1 of 4 kids and she married young mostly because there weren’t many financial resources and she wanted out of the chaos.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2021 16:30     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
It seems odd to ask a bunch of strangers about family planning. Listen, its a lot of time and energy to have a lot of children. And its not just about what you want. Think about your kids...will they be ok with another one in the mix? I'm the oldest of 5, my mom said after 3, she didn't even notice any more, but is that a good thing? I will say, I have 1, I may have considered one more if I didn't start so late, but at this point my mom has more children than grandchildren because so many of us were not into the chaos. So think about your kids' personalities as well. I love all of my siblings and can't imagine life without them, but I think my childhood would've been a lot less chaotic without so many of us.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2021 14:03     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
My sister has 4 and was hesitant to continue after 3 because people can be so judgmental about bigger families (among other hesitations) but ended up having a 4th. They are the cutest family. I am stopping at 2 but seeing her family does sometimes make me question my decision a tiny bit.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2021 13:59     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have 3 boys and I’m ready to be done. People often ask if we will try for a girl and this sometimes makes me feel a tinge of outside pressure to have another. In reality, having a daughter is not, and never was, important to me.

I like my family as it is but I do wish people would stop critiquing it.


Don't worry about it! Just smile knowingly and say - VERY happy with my boys!

I have two boys. They are lovely (late teens now).

They were also VERY energetic little boys - 2 was enough for me! Had no interest in having a girl.


PP. you’re right, it’s not my responsibility to convince anyone that I’m happy with my life as it is.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2021 13:53     Subject: Re:Why or why not have a 4th child?
My neighbors have four kids and both parents work and the kids never seem like they get enough attention. They're always at neighbors' houses (like mine) and the older ones are often in charge of the younger ones. It's depressing to see.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2021 13:49     Subject: Re:Why or why not have a 4th child?
My husband came from a very big family and I came from a family of three and we both liked the idea of four. I truly love baby year 1 which helped. I’m a SAHM and my husband is quite successful so it’s not a money issue. Life is incredibly hectic and exhausting and we done but happy!