That's awful. I hope this 'phase' passes quickly.
My teenage sons have never been mean to me! Why is she acting like that?! She must be very angry inside (major troubles with friends?) A therapist might be needed.
Don't put up with this - tell her she's going to have to leave your house at this rate! Tell her does she realize she'll have to go out on her own at 18 if this cintinues!

OP, I hated my mom as a teenager. I hated her because she was everything I don’t want to be: weak, unreliable, lonely, unable to assert herself, unable to fix all that was wrong in her life. She scared the shit out of me because she was so bad at life. I had disgust for her.

I swung wildly between treating her with pity and treating her with loathing and derision. I knew I was hurting her and I did feel bad, but her weakness made me even more anxious, even more resentful. The fact that she let me treat her so poorly made me even more anxious, less secure, more worried, more likely to lash out archer.

Your weakness is a TERRIBLE example for her and likely a huge source of her derision and disrespect. She has contempt for you because she needs a strong mom and you are not it. You scare her.

Stand up for yourself!!!!! You both need you to be stronger. Don’t let her see you be treated this way! Please, please seek counseling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not OP, but is there a program that can shut off a cell phone? I know a wireless router can get pulled from power cord, but how can a parent shut off a cell phone if a kid refuses to relinquish? there must be an app for that!!!

Call the cell phone provider and stop paying for the extra phone line. That would include minutes and data - essentially bricking the phone unless they have access to the house wifi.

This. Brick the phone, change the house WiFi code. And when they sleep, take the phone, NEVER to be returned. Flip phone for emergencies only. That is outrageous.

Anonymous wrote:Me too. She is awful, but only with me. I have said to her, no matter how awful and mean you are to me, no matter how much you continue to hurt my feelings, no matter how much I dislike your behavior, I will always love you. That is my current go-to.

All I can say is try not to react/engage, keep calm and steady, and carry on. I'm told they will come back to us in a few years. I hope those doing the telling are correct

Why on earth would you be such a doormat? You are teaching her how to treat you and how she can be treated someday.

“You have a right to your feelings but I will not stand for being verbally abused, ever. We are a family. We do not take out our bad moods on each other.”

Anonymous wrote:I'm not OP, but is there a program that can shut off a cell phone? I know a wireless router can get pulled from power cord, but how can a parent shut off a cell phone if a kid refuses to relinquish? there must be an app for that!!!

Yes. You can do this with Family Sharing through Apple. My DD was grounded and she had 10 minutes of phone access daily to check messages (school group projects, etc). I could shut off everything but making an emergency call.

It is abusive. Stand up for yourself in a calm matter of fact way. Take away her phone, computer, etc. and don’t drive or take her anywhere. Go out if the house if she yells at you. Go for a drive, exercise, etc. You need to have the attitude that there’s a new sheriff in town. And get counseling, this isn’t good for you or her.

Anonymous wrote:My DD12 does this when she is anxious. My first thought about your daughter is that something is going on that makes her feel stressed and powerless and she is taking it out on you. Is she okay?

^^ Your daughter is stressed and miserable and she uses you as her safe dump zone.

Counselor for her and a different one for you to recover from the way she's been treating you.

Read "Untangled."

Anonymous wrote:I’m starting to be convinced there are a lot of hidden KellyAnne Conway mother-daughter relationships out there.

I think you’re right! My god, ladies. Do not let your kids treat you like crap.

I am just praying for you.

Im so sorry OP. This needs to stop, and you need to stop it. If you continue to tolerate this, you are setting her up for doing this to others AND to have others do this to her and her accept it.

My teen has gotten a lot better since being on antidepressants, but it sounds like she was never as abusive as you are describing. I do understand this has the effect of wearing you down, making it harder to have resolve.

However, you MUST have resolve. You need a therapist for YOU and therapist for the family, and not the same therapist. And then a therapist for her. A lot of therapy, and Im not all that into therapy but there is a time and place for it and clearly that is now.

My DD12 does this when she is anxious. My first thought about your daughter is that something is going on that makes her feel stressed and powerless and she is taking it out on you. Is she okay?

Anonymous wrote:I'm not OP, but is there a program that can shut off a cell phone? I know a wireless router can get pulled from power cord, but how can a parent shut off a cell phone if a kid refuses to relinquish? there must be an app for that!!!

Yes, I block internet on his phone through eero (internet router) and block data and put time restrictions on his phone when I dont want him to use the phone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The minute she starts disrespecting you, tell her you won't listen to it and leave the room. Lather, rinse, repeat. Find a counselor.

+1

The counselor is for you. Hopefully, through counseling, you can learn to take charge of the situation. Your DD is doing this in part because she can and in part because you allow it to happen with no consequences. I have a 13 yr old son who is bigger than me. When I feel really disrespected, all it takes is me standing up and getting in his space while he's going off to make him realize his error. He always backs away. I often just have to make eye contact, tell him to listen to himself, and ask him if there is a problem. I'm more than willing to listen, but tone and how things are said are important to me. I also remind him to not say things that he will likely regret.

Kid won't relinquish phone? Just checked T-mobile: you can do a temp suspension on a phone. You can block their device on the Verizon FIOS app. But, in reality, I can't imagine my kids not giving me their device when I tell them too.

I guess if your kids are used to you physically dominating them to back down, you probably don't have any issues with them giving up their phones.

Anonymous wrote:The minute she starts disrespecting you, tell her you won't listen to it and leave the room. Lather, rinse, repeat. Find a counselor.

+1

The counselor is for you. Hopefully, through counseling, you can learn to take charge of the situation. Your DD is doing this in part because she can and in part because you allow it to happen with no consequences. I have a 13 yr old son who is bigger than me. When I feel really disrespected, all it takes is me standing up and getting in his space while he's going off to make him realize his error. He always backs away. I often just have to make eye contact, tell him to listen to himself, and ask him if there is a problem. I'm more than willing to listen, but tone and how things are said are important to me. I also remind him to not say things that he will likely regret.

Kid won't relinquish phone? Just checked T-mobile: you can do a temp suspension on a phone. You can block their device on the Verizon FIOS app. But, in reality, I can't imagine my kids not giving me their device when I tell them too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not OP, but is there a program that can shut off a cell phone? I know a wireless router can get pulled from power cord, but how can a parent shut off a cell phone if a kid refuses to relinquish? there must be an app for that!!!

Um, excuse me, what? I don't even understand the question. YOU TAKE IT FROM THEM. PHYSICALLY.

I wouldn't get near my nearly 6 ft tall son if he was agitated in order to grab the phone from him. Nope. No way.

Well, that’s a separate problem, but then you call the carrier, suspend the line and change your WiFi password.